Free child minding!

[SMarie123]

Just wondering if I am being sensitive or being taken for a mug....

I have an ex work colleague who I keep in loose contact with (usually contact that I initiate but she always accepts very quickly .. other than that it is just really a quick message to share the big news like new jobs/ babies etc).

Anyway she and her husband are from Argentina and have zero family support here. She mentioned that her and hubby would like a date night, as the baby will be 9 months next week and asked for suggestions. I said I would take the baby for a day/ afternoon with my own DC, a night wouldn't work with my other commitments... she accepted and all was good.

So today was the day..: she messaged and she said she would drop the baby in and "stay for a few minutes" I said ok. They pulled up outside with the hazard lights on and texted saying they were here to drop off the baby. I thought they can't literally be dropping the baby.... I invited them in to get instructions, they came but they literally stayed for 3 minutes, they didn't even take their coats off. It was obvious they wanted to leave from the minute they arrived, I had to run after them to ask them to leave a buggy so I could get the buggy. DH said it was just all new to them and she was emotional about leaving her DD.

On their return I expected that they might come in for a cup Of tea or glass of wine but again they wouldn't even sit down or take their coat off. We had some awkward small talk in the hall. Then they left with the baby.

Is it me or is that rude? They sent a message saying thanks but I felt like a service they used (without pay!).

They sound rude. Maybe there’ll be a huge bouquet delivered tomorrow.

You offered childcare, she accepted. She said thank you... but if you're not happy with how she handled the situation just don't offer again? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not really. They probably didn’t want to take up too much of your time xx

Err yes that is very rude. Not sure if it's cultural thing but I would have expected more in the way of thanks and at least to stop for a tea and ask how things went etc.

Don't offer again. WTF kind of parent dumps their baby with someone who is little above a stranger?

That does sound quite odd. You could take it as a compliment that she's so confident in the care you'd give her child that she didn't need to leave any details of routines, or times for milk, food etc. OR they're just really blase about being parents that it simply didn't occur to them.

Did they smile and seem OK with you?

Yes, this was rude. But it may be a cultural; thing? Just don't offer again.

They kept saying they didn't want to take our time and DH said they seemed nice ( he has met the lady before, but not the husband). She was a lovely work colleague ( well actually I was her boss and we worked together in two separate companies) so we are not "strangers".

I just find it odd that anyone would drop a 9 month old baby off at someone's house but not even engage with the people they are leaving the baby with. They hadn't even thought about feed times etc. It just seemed so cold

I think that sounds very much like anxiety about leaving the baby. They just weren't relaxed or thinking about being social. Invite her and the baby round another time.

You offered to take the baby
She accepted.
She dropped the baby off.
You took care of baby.
You didn't specify any payment...I guess she assumed you knew how to care for a baby

I think they would be confident that I could care for the baby, I have lots of childcare experience as does my husband. I know the child has never been left with anyone else (except family who visited from Argentina). But doesn't anyone minding a baby want to know the routine? Would you not feel obliged to at least appear to have interest in the people who mind your baby for free for the afternoon? In this situation would you wait in your car with the hazards lights on for the person to collect the baby from you?

I don't consider that rude.
I presume she was confident in your ability or wouldn't have agree to leave them. I certainly wouldn't expect them to stay and take up more of your time at the end of the time.

Ok maybe I am the strange one m, but but I have just lever considered drive through drop of and collection when it comes to babies.

I would have acted like that - I would have found it so new and difficult to drop my baby off with someone that I would have either had to withdraw a bit or burst into tears.

Like your friend I have no childcare, family babysitters etc. And found leaving my baby with anyone so intense (mix of relief, guilt and panic) that I'd act aloof and just need to get out of there and get it over and done with

It may well be nervousness.

Maybe they didn't want to waste precious child free time having tea with you. They probably couldn't believe their luck to have someone to offer to take the baby. Maybe they are driven demented with lack of sleep and sped home to sleep. In any case take it as a compliment that they felt able to drop and run

My mum has had my son once a week from 6 months and I still go through what I’ve packed in the change bag/ what time he eats and has milk 6 months later!

Size of a lentils ... that was exactly my DH's interpretation. He said my friend/colleague had tears in her eyes when she left.

It was lovely of you to offer her this.

Maybe it's just cultural differences.

I remember my MiL offering to have our baby once, he was a bit older (just over a year) but she wanted to know so many details about exact nap time, exactly what snacks she should offer and when, can he watch TV, on and on... I was like, honestly, let him sleep when he wants and he can eat when and what he wants?! We are not really very routine-driven. I found it bizarre, but maybe she found me bizarre!

Drum2018

Maybe they didn't want to waste precious child free time having tea with you.

That is how I interpreted it. My friend/ colleague didn't even ask about my DC... after us minding her did for the afternoon, I thought that was rude but maybe that is self important of me...:

If they havent had a night out in 9 months they were probably desperate for a break. you were very kind to them. I would expect them to be profusely grateful. I would be intrigued to know whether she wants to see you during the day for a coffee with the children or not and then you know whether she just sees you as free childcare.

You have been very kind.

How was the 9 month old being apart from mum? I'm a childminder and 9 months is a prime time for separation anxiety to set in. Usually 9 month olds take a while to settle when first left with someone new. In fact I've never known one not cry for a while. Perhaps she was anxious to get away before baby got upset.

How long did you have baby for? If it was for a good amount of the day then I would have expected them to go through routines with you first ie feeding, sleeping etc. if it was just a couple of hours I can see why they might not have thought it necessary.

I don't think they were necessarily rude as you were the one who offered to do the childcare. Perhaps it was just a mismatch of expectations.

Raspberry123 she live 30 mins drive away and only her DH drives. I work in the day. Before she went on maternity leave we would meet in the evening.

As a person she is so warm and genuine, she wouldn't exploit someone. Her husband is nice too, he is an artist and did some work for me years ago. He did it for free but I insisted on paying him with a gift card. They are good people. Which is why I am surprised by the drive by baby drop off... no acknowledgement of my family and BARELY acknowledging me. To me that is rude, I would at least feel like I would acknowledge children who were so excited about said baby

Lindy2 the baby was pretty relaxed, but they had described her as a difficult baby in text message and I kind of wanted to know more.

I had her for 4 hours, I was clear I wanted a buggy... it is the one thing that always works to get a baby to sleep and I knew she would need a sleep.