Free child minding!

[SMarie123]

Just wondering if I am being sensitive or being taken for a mug....

I have an ex work colleague who I keep in loose contact with (usually contact that I initiate but she always accepts very quickly .. other than that it is just really a quick message to share the big news like new jobs/ babies etc).

Anyway she and her husband are from Argentina and have zero family support here. She mentioned that her and hubby would like a date night, as the baby will be 9 months next week and asked for suggestions. I said I would take the baby for a day/ afternoon with my own DC, a night wouldn't work with my other commitments... she accepted and all was good.

So today was the day..: she messaged and she said she would drop the baby in and "stay for a few minutes" I said ok. They pulled up outside with the hazard lights on and texted saying they were here to drop off the baby. I thought they can't literally be dropping the baby.... I invited them in to get instructions, they came but they literally stayed for 3 minutes, they didn't even take their coats off. It was obvious they wanted to leave from the minute they arrived, I had to run after them to ask them to leave a buggy so I could get the buggy. DH said it was just all new to them and she was emotional about leaving her DD.

On their return I expected that they might come in for a cup Of tea or glass of wine but again they wouldn't even sit down or take their coat off. We had some awkward small talk in the hall. Then they left with the baby.

Is it me or is that rude? They sent a message saying thanks but I felt like a service they used (without pay!).

I would have wanted to know baby's routine too (my childminder would have asked for it too before minding my children), even a general idea...just been fed or due a feed at x time etc.

They sound distracted, could have been in the middle of a fight, mad keen to get to what they were doing etc etc. Doesn't sound personal, just a bit self engrossed

I would find their behaviour very odd also. The least they should have done was go through her routine re feeds and sleep, changing etc. But this run in run out is very strange. It's not like you are her regular child minder and know everything about her.

I do not think it was so odd that they did not want to stay for a drink of tea...maybe they had a table booked. Prhaps they are young and were overcome with excitement at going out alone. All worked out in the end...perhaps not offer again which was very kind of you in the first place.

Cstaff .., exactly especially when they said she was difficult. I knew the window I had her was probably a nap window. I specifically asked for buggy and they nearly drove off with it in the boot. They hadn't brought warm clothing so I had to find something appropriate.

I just found it so incredibly strange that I offered a friendly gesture to mind their dd and they didn't even acknowledge my extremely excited ds who was gushing over the baby. He had waited by the door for 30 mins. They didn't even say hello to any of my dc... would you not expect a bit of fuss given that I had willingly taken theirs? My husband joked they were probably freaking out about germs from our dc. They were just totally uninterested.

Cstaff .., exactly especially when they said she was difficult. I knew the window I had her was probably a nap window. I specifically asked for buggy and they nearly drove off with it in the boot. They hadn't brought warm clothing so I had to find something appropriate.

I just found it so incredibly strange that I offered a friendly gesture to mind their dd and they didn't even acknowledge my extremely excited ds who was gushing over the baby. He had waited by the door for 30 mins, he had picked special toys he thought a baby girl would like. They didn't even say hello to any of my dc... would you not expect a bit of fuss given that I had willingly taken theirs? My husband joked they were probably freaking out about germs from our dc. They were just totally uninterested.

Cstaff .., exactly especially when they said she was difficult. I knew the window I had her was probably a nap window. I specifically asked for buggy and they nearly drove off with it in the boot. They hadn't brought warm clothing so I had to find something appropriate.

I just found it so incredibly strange that I offered a friendly gesture to mind their dd and they didn't even acknowledge my extremely excited ds who was gushing over the baby. He had waited by the door for 30 mins, he had picked special toys he thought a baby girl would like. They didn't even say hello to any of my dc... would you not expect a bit of fuss given that I had willingly taken theirs? My husband joked they were probably freaking out about germs from our dc. They were just totally uninterested.

Maybe she was worried she’d burst out crying in front of you and your family. I’ve found it hard handing over my 9 month old to friends or babysitters now we live somewhere my family aren’t around.

You did a very kind thing and I’m sure she was very grateful. Just give her some time to show appreciation.

Thanks all for your responses. I do feel that it is totally reasonable to drop and run/ have minimal conversation with a paid babysitter/ someone you don't know.... but if a friend offers for free and it is not their job to mind children, I think you should be friendly.

I think if I had given a whole afternoon to her child she could have least spent 5 mins talking to my child who was so full of chat about the baby.

It sounds like a cultural difference.
You say they were nice, and your only issue is that they didn’t fulfill your British expectations. There are cultures where they take your word at face value... fluffing around is too British 😂😂

It’s rude and odd. And is surely rude and odd in any culture.

Weirdly also just befriended an Argentinian American family can’t imagine them doing that. In fact they effusively grateful when we have their dd to olay

I have a friend from Brazil and she has some ‘moments’
Always put it down to cultural difference. Now you got me thinking 🤔

Definitely rude. I had a friend who used to call and say "Bessie has been asking for a play date with your Susie, are you guys home today for us to pop round? It'll be nice to catch up?"
I say "Yep, great, see you at XXX time"

They'd arrive and friend would shove Bessie in the door, hand me a sandwich for Bessie and say, "Gotta run, something's come up but we'll catch up when I get back!"

She'd come back after an hour or two with a new haircut or the new nails she'd obviously made an appointment for and pick Bessie up saying, "Oh shame! I've no time to come in today but we'll totally catch up soon!"

I started being busy. I don't mind doing favours but don't fake friendship to get them. If you're friends she should at least want to pop in for a minute!

And now you know why they were struggling for babysitters lol. Very rude of them to not even say hello to your DC though.

I think if I had given a whole afternoon to her child she could have least spent 5 mins talking to my child who was so full of chat about the baby.

See, my thinking would be (if I were her) "SMarie123 has been so kind, having my dc this afternoon and allowing us to have the first break we've had since he was born. We're so grateful, I don't want to take any more of her time than we already have" - which is why I wouldn't have stayed.

She might have been in a rush during drop off but if so I’d have called you in the car and apologised and gone over x/y/z. It was rude to pick up and still not stopping for a conversation

Crikey, are you not worried how identifying your thread is @SMarie123 ?

Massively overthinking

She sounds like someone you think is lovely overall. So I would chalk this up to maybe there are things going on you don't know about. Maybe there's a problem in the marriage, an illness, a sick family member. I'd not overthink it, be pleased you could be there for her, and just move on. Maybe if you offer again, just ask if you can have 10 minutes over a cuppa to talk about routine etc before they leave. The fact she was crying was also a little hint there could be more to it too. PPD comes to mind too. Lovely of you to offer, and I'm sure she appreciated it!

Agree with others too who think they'd be careful not to take up your time chatting since you'd already been so kind. I'd be thinking that too!

Ok maybe I am the strange one m, but but I have just lever considered drive through drop of and collection when it comes to babies

OP - of course YANBU and their behaviour is distinctly odd. However, you are posting in AIBU so you will be made to doubt yourself and generally accepted human norms of behaviour.

Maybe though, as other posters have said, mother was upset at leaving baby behind (though that doesn’t quite explain the pick up and run).

You only had the baby for four hours, so hardly being taken for a mug since you offered! I agree it’s a bit unusual not to run through some basic information about the baby’s schedule, feeding/sleeping habits etc, but I would interpret that as her clearly having full confidence in your abilities, so a compliment in a way.

Yes, it would have been polite to have also spent a bit longer with you, but perhaps that is a cultural difference. I wouldn’t read too much into it. She did say thank you, were you perhaps expecting chocolates or flowers? (Actually not an unreasonable expectation since you were doing it for free.) Anyway, you’ve only given up 4 hours of your time to this, just don’t do it again if you feel like a mug.

They were rude.
They also made sure to set the precedence for all future 'babysitting'......so i'd be careful when the next 'request' is made.

They couldn't even be arsed to spend 2 minutes being polite or even standing in the same room their child was going to be in!
I take it you also have no idea about any medical/allergy issues that the dc could have?

If anything happens to that baby whilst in your care they will be on you in an instant - their own neglectfulness fading into the background.

I think it was probably more the husband's idea and he was the one pushing for it - i've never heard of any FIRST time mum 'handing over' her precious newborn in the manner you describe.
The woman was probably pushed into it and chose to make a quick exit rather than let it show.