Aibu to find lack of freedom in modern childhood so depressing

[Writerandreader]

I feel I have to micromanage life for my nearly 8 Yr old - children have no way to see friends unless adults manage every step of it. I find it frustrating because I make plans and then adults cancel or it doesn't suit them. All my kid wants is friends to play with I wish so much children played outside in groups like they used to. So often I wish I could open the door and he could step out to find a friend. It makes me ratty having to organise it and worry about him having friends to play with and it makes something so natural a total palaver.. I also think it's bad for kids over the age of about 8 to have to rely on adults for everything.

I don’t know, ruffle

I think that children are more aware that some things are wrong and they don’t have to put up with them, and more safeguards are in place now. That’s not to say it’s perfect of course but when I was a child I just didn’t know what abuse was.

That's so sad that your child doesn't play out. I feel very lucky that my eight year old has that opportunity and has fields to explore with her friends, and that she often has friends round to the house.

I find this thread sad. I think a lot of children are missing out on vital aspects of childhood.

My children are lonely. In the playgrounds children don’t seem to know how to make friends anymore. They smgive the same “ we don’t know you”. looks as they’re parents do when my child tries to be friendly. There are cars and driveways everywhere so bike rides are stressful. They are isolated.

I think you can offer them all the opportunities playing out unsupervised can bring. Just safely. That’s what is paramount to me.

@theWarOnPeace - how old are your children? Perhaps they won't have that freedom as early as you but they will experience it and start building those skills by 10/11.

@palmtreedreams - I think you're right - it wasn't some kind of perfect paradise in the past. Kids had terrible injuries and accidents. Some parents were too lax. However I think health and safety has improved a lot. Kids cannot access the kinds of dangerous places they could in the past. Most parents don't let their children go beyond their street unless they can be contacted/can contact on a mobile phone. In these ways it is safer but traffic can be an issue especially I imagine if there aren't proper crossings. Things might not be the same as in the past but we can still give our children freedom and keep them safe at the same time.

@NoFun21 - that sounds as your name suggests 'no fun'. I have to say our parks are full of children making friends - I'm not sure why the difference.

Why don't you take them along to Cubs, or something similar?

My dc had hours and hours of running wild (safely risk assessed) with all sort of friends through belonging to Scouts.

I think YABU to generalise and assume ever 8 yr old has the same childhood as yours does, and I think there are a lot of unreasonable assumptions on the whole thread about freedom in previous generations. I would have turned 8 in the early 70s and know no-one who 'ran feral'. Of course we had rules and restraints, just like my dc growing up.

We moved last year to a newer estate with lots of kids and amazing parks where most of my kids friends from school live, its not where i would have chosen to live to be fair but i felt i was depriving my kids of a childhood as they couldn't get out to play at our old house, busy road no other kids their ages.
The difference in my kids is amazing!
And tbh I'm surprised how much i like it too!

We used to have kids across the street whose parents let them outside all day and in the end my child and they would play all day every day almost. Then they moved away. Even though it was a bit annoying having them over so much I did miss them cos it added so much to my child's life and took the pressure off me entertaining as well

No UnderTheCedarTree We have lots of fun but we are isolated. We do t have much family, I’m separated, my son has autism and finds it hard anyway and there are very few natural opportunities to meet other kids with busy roads and people rushing around and associating with the people they already know etc etc. Many activities it’s hard for us to go to because they overwhelm or don’t suit my son so it’s the parks, streets and playgrounds where we would meet people but often there are not many people around or it’s hard to connect. I’m not sure why but it is. I’m lots of fun btw of course!

I’m thinking of trying to do a “
Play out” thing on our street as it’s a busy road.

Yup. Life is too busy

Mine used to play on the streets all the time, but we moved away when DD1 was 6 (2011) and there aren’t any kids around here.

I had a fairly wild and free childhood, but to be honest its mostly luck that meant none of us or our friends were more seriously injured than the occasional broken arm/leg, along with the usual cuts and scrapes.

While having freedom and space was lovely, there are things that I look back on with very different views, and there is a lot I've never told my mother I got up to. Standards have changed, times have changed but its still possible to give children safe spaces to play and explore, and kids in our park do still talk to each other and make new friends.

@NoFun21 - really, do it, you will not regret it!

NoFun21 you sound it (lots of fun) I mean it honestly. When I feel quite down about it, I think of books line TheSecret Garden. I mean, there have always been children who are less privileged socially. Not materially, but in terms of people. It’s not a new thing. It’s partly luck - the type of place you live, etc.