Aibu to find lack of freedom in modern childhood so depressing

[Writerandreader]

I feel I have to micromanage life for my nearly 8 Yr old - children have no way to see friends unless adults manage every step of it. I find it frustrating because I make plans and then adults cancel or it doesn't suit them. All my kid wants is friends to play with I wish so much children played outside in groups like they used to. So often I wish I could open the door and he could step out to find a friend. It makes me ratty having to organise it and worry about him having friends to play with and it makes something so natural a total palaver.. I also think it's bad for kids over the age of about 8 to have to rely on adults for everything.

Agree! It seems to have changed so rapidly. I was born in 1990 and we played outside in a gang of kids up and down the street. It was a naice area though with woodland behind the houses.

DD goes to play at neighbours houses but it needs to be arranged.

I live in Glasgow. In both the areas I have lived kids play outside in the same way I used to when I was a kid.

Plenty kids still play out. Depends where you live. Mine's been playing out since he was 7, he's been out all afternoon today just popped back for a snack and he's off out again. We're in a city but a suburb with loads of green space. Plenty cars about you just have to teach them road safety.

I think you're right op. Kids have much less freedom than they used to. Stella O Malley wrote a great book about the impact of this on families: Cotton Wool Kids

I do know what you mean but I do think you’re being unreasonable.

I think I was in a lot of extremely risky and dangerous situations as a child, I’m glad that it isn’t like that any more.

Mine were always playing out on the street or in the woods and fields nearby.
They used to knock on their nearby friends doors to ask if they were coming out, and their friends used to knock on mine, just the same as me and my siblings did as kids.
My grandchildren do the same.
Imagination knows no bounds for a child if they are allowed freedom.
I can't imagine it any other way.

My kids are slightly older now but used to play out all the time. Our houses are built around a green, so it was perfect for the kids and we parents were able to keep an eye on them. We sacrificed a drive though, so you can't win them all!

Unfortunately quite a few kids didn’t survive freedom.

Imagination is of no help if you’re abducted, run over, killed on a railway line or electrocuted.

My son (12) went out at 11am this morning with two mates. On his bike, with his phone, a bottle, a puncture kit, and some trail mix. He’s about 3 miles away in woodland and knows he has to be back for 17:30.

We let him have his freedom

(But we check his whereabouts every 30 mins on the stalker app)

I agree with the poster who said that it's largely cars that have changed this for many, but it can't be just that.

We used to play out all the time as children - lived in a cul de sac on an estate in a village.

My mum still lives there, and we rarely see children playing out. The ball games that used to happen at the back can't because the street is now full of cars (and 'don't park here' signs on fences).

But even at the front, where there's a large area of grass with paths, there are hardly ever children playing. Maybe a couple of kids kicking a football in the summer, but not the hoards of children that there used to be roller skating, biking, ball games etc.

We're in London next to two parks and I'm always so grateful that my children have had hours and days of unsupervised time climbing trees, sticking sticks into mud with their friends.

How old were they then, thehorse?

I live in London on a busy main road, how are my kids suppose to play out?? No children do around here. I find it sad but I’m not going to send them out onto the street. I am not friends with any neighbours either so unaware who has kids (my closest ones don’t)

But don't you see @Palmtreedreams it's exactly that attitude that stops parents from allowing their children freedom.
Which is why we now have a generation of playdate kids.

My kids both play out, and it's the main reason we moved here - we're right on the village green, which is well equipped with play equipment, and there's a big football pitch with goals. It's ideal for them, and there are always plenty of kids out.
We moved up here from the SE, and in the area we were, it was very much frowned upon to have kids playing out. They all got ferried around to organised activities.

I live in a cul de sac in Shropshire and all the kids play out together, from reception age to around year 8 of secondary school. They all have water fights in the summer and the year we had snow they all build a snow man and had snow ball fights. They’re out until it goes dark. We all keep our front doors open and and an eye out for them and they come and go as they please. It’s really lovely. It wasn’t something I thought about when we bought this house but it’s been brilliant for our DD who’s an only child.

Is your DC an only child? If not, get siblings involved playing together.

I was born in '75 and was never allowed to play out with friends, neither was my sister. We lived in a small town, in a very quiet cul de sac, with a lovely lane running parallel, big parc, wooded hill. Not allowed out once. Could call on one neighbour's kid but that was all.

Having said that, we were never allowed friends round our house and never had a birthday party. Perhaps my parents were just weird!

I now live in a flat on a main road, no way is my 8yo going out to play alone. That's why we always do a camping holiday somewhere, so he can get on his bike and ride about with new friends, be loves it.

I would love my children to play out in our quiet little village. Unfortunately most of their friends are not allowed as it's too dangerous (!)

Another one saying it depends where you live.

We moved a couple of years ago - my old street was full of kids in the spring and summer, playing out until gone 9pm. It's not quite so busy here but we still get them playing out in the nice weather. My old and current streets are cul de sacs though, so there is no through traffic.

palmtreedreams

I wonder how many children are killed in car crashes being driven to/from activities or play dates?

I don’t see that as a negative at all shake, I do think after a certain age children should be allowed some freedom but I was allowed to roam at a very young age and it wasn’t safe at all.

ken you can’t totally remove risk from a child’s life. Of course not. But you can be sensible.

@Palmtreedreams it clearly was safe enough as you are alive and posting here 🙂
So you see, it's not really unsafe, it's the parents perception of what unsafe is rather than the reality.
Mine used to come home with bumps, cuts, bruises, scraped knees and torn clothes and a huge appetite.

We have the same as described in one of the posts, gardens backing to each other, each garden with something - one has trampoline, one swings and monkey bars, etc. Group if children between 5 and 12, always playing together. It does mean that they're in and out each other's houses, it's not very quiet or private. But we're happy. They also go to local school together, those above 7 on their own.
I agree that cars present a much bigger danger than anything else. Abductions get huge publicity; traffic accidents are accepted as part of life, no one is shocked.

Oh come on shake you know that isn’t a sensible thing to say. I am alive despite my upbringing, not because of it. Plus, I might be alive, but I underwent some pretty horrible things I wouldn’t want to happen to my own kids.