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Original poster

Dd and a tattoo

30 replies

moolady1977 · 18/01/2020 09:32

So my DD us coming up 18 and has seen a tattoo she wants and has asked me to go with her and pay for it as her birthday gift which I don't have a problem with ,now unfortunately she has had a couple of miscarriages and the tattoo is in memory of the babies she lost ,her father my stbxh is saying no she can't have it done it's dwelling in the past she needs to live for the future and if she has it done she has to move out of the house (it's not his house it belongs to all 3 of the DC but is long story ) am I bu to tell him it's her choice and if he doesn't like it then it's tough and he needs to live with with it or risk our DD falling out with him

OP posts:
YeahWhatevver · 18/01/2020 09:33

It's her choice simply because she's an adult

Her DF is a controlling dick

JacquesHammer · 18/01/2020 09:33

She’s 18. She doesn’t need his permission.

Is he legally living in a house belonging to the children? He does know he can’t throw her out?

YeahWhatevver · 18/01/2020 09:33

*will be an adult when it's done...

MrsAgassi · 18/01/2020 09:34

How can he tell her she needs to move out if he doesn’t own the house and she (partly) does?

JacquesHammer · 18/01/2020 09:34

As an aside have her and her partner sorted out more efficient contraception?

GreenTulips · 18/01/2020 09:35

I think you have bigger issues than what to say to your Ex to be.

Soontobe60 · 18/01/2020 09:35

I can see his point.

CripsSandwiches · 18/01/2020 09:35

He can advise her not to do it and explain why. He can't dictate what she does and certainly not whether or not she stays in a house he doesn't earn.

Fidgety31 · 18/01/2020 09:36

My son is having a tattoo if me for his 18th in a few weeks . The choice is design is up to him - it’s his body .
I have one tattoo and it was to remember my miscarries baby . It doesn’t make me feel miserable at all . It’s the only thing I have to remind me of that baby.
Her dad is being very controlling. It’s not up to him what she has done. I would just ignore him and don’t tell him anything else about it .

Copperleaves · 18/01/2020 09:37

Your 17 year old has been pg twice and you're falling out over a tattoo? Shock

LagunaBubbles · 18/01/2020 09:37

It's her body her choice. How is she dealing with the miscarriages otherwise? She's only 17 and had been pregnant twice, I don't think that's ideal, is she trying to get pregnant again? She sounds quite vulnerable.

Mrsjayy · 18/01/2020 09:37

He is clearly an arsehole tell her not to tell him anything else let it drop and she can go get the tattoo she wants !

brummiesue · 18/01/2020 09:38

17 and she has has 2 miscarriages already?? Sad for her losses but a trip to the family planning clinic may be more appropriate Hmm

alifelived · 18/01/2020 09:39

17 and two miscarriages?

Sorry OP but a tattoo is the least of your worries.

Maybe contraception would be a better present.

Dearover · 18/01/2020 09:39

Is he still living in the house? It's her choice. I can't say that I would like my DD to have a tattoo as an 18th birthday gift from me, but it sounds as though your DD has thought carefully about it and it will have real meaning for her. Remind him that it is not his house so he can't throw her out, but she can do so to him.

Queenoftheashes · 18/01/2020 09:39

It sounds like the father’s opinion and threats are rather irrelevant here

Starlink · 18/01/2020 09:40

Two pregnancies at 17?! Hmmmm

Iwantacookie · 18/01/2020 09:54

At 18 he cant stop her.
FWIW I have a small tattoo in memory of a baby I miscarried.
I had it done on my due date.
It doesn't upset me looking at it (i had it almost 20 years ago)
But it is nice to know my baby is always with me.

pinkyredrose · 18/01/2020 10:12

17 and several miscarriages? A tattoo is the least of your worries.

Original poster
moolady1977 · 18/01/2020 13:40

To all pp who put that a tattoo is the least of my worries no it's not ,ok not great she got pregnant but twice contraception has failed on her so she ended up pregnant it wasn't the end of the world but would never wanted what happened to her ,she is just starting to deal with losing the babies and the tattoo is for them and her way of remembering them

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 18/01/2020 13:42

I’m with the others saying she needs more effective contraception and maybe needs to double up if she’s had multiple unplanned pregnancies at 17.

The tattoo is not the issue.

misspiggy19 · 18/01/2020 13:44

I completely agree with the dad on this.

theweightlossone · 18/01/2020 13:47

Do you honestly believe it was contraception failure twice?

FWIW I had also been pregnant by 17 (miscarriage) and again at 18 and 19 so I’m not judging but highly unlikely it was contraception failure. User error at best.

Original poster
moolady1977 · 18/01/2020 13:47

The last pregnancy she had the implant in her arm ,I was sat with her when she had it put it also when she had it took ,my ddil fell pregnant on the implant also again I was with her both times ,no the unplanned pregnancies weren't ideal but my thread wasn't about that

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 18/01/2020 13:48

Is it the fact of her getting a tattoo that upsets him or the fact she is "dwelling in the past" by thinking about the miscarriages? On the second one, I think that's classic male misunderstanding of how to deal with grief and in particular how profoundly miscarriage affects (or at least can affect) women.

On the first one, I don't much like tattoos either, but at 18 it's her choice, though I'd encourage her to get it somewhere where it won't be visible at job interviews.

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