Mum not Nan

[saturdaymorning]

So this has happened a few times, people mistaking me as grandma to my 5 year old son and tbh it really fucking hurts my feelings.

Last night was the latest with out of hours doctors asking me "So are you grandma or mum?" Why couldn't he be a bit more kinder and ask if I was mum first instead of sticking grandma on the end? It makes me feel so old. I'm 45 and I don't feel as though I look particularly old but I obviously do.

Before all the young grandmas slate me for calling grandmas "old" I'm not! I would just prefer people to see me as my sons mum which is what I am.

This will be me in 5 years. I’m thinking plenty of Botox should sort the issue!

I was asked this too (when I was 37, I think). Yeah, it sucks. Think it says more about the area though. My neighbour has a little one the same age as my DC, but her mum (the grandma) is only 3 or 4 years older than me. I had my first DC at 35 and someone I went to school with had already become a grandparent by then!

I got this a lot with my last child. Can’t say I ever minded, given I was more than old enough to be his grandma. Technically I was old enough to be his great grandma.

If you’re living in the kind of area where 40+ mothers are the norm, then I’d say people are being a bit rude, but if you live somewhere where most people start having babies in their early twenties then it’s just a genuine question.

I live in quite a 'posh' area of London & your age is actually totally normal for a Mum around here. For example, I'm 33 & most of the other Mums at DS' (2.5yrs old) nursery consider me to be a young mum (they're usually I their early 40s). On the other hand, one of my best friends had a baby at 18 & so did her DM, so that made her a GM at 36 years old. I suppose it just depends on where you live & what the 'norm' is around there.

YANBU to feel a bit hurt though, and that Doctor was insensitive in the way they phrased the question.

I think you just need to suck it up really. You were on the older end of having a baby and there may well be ambiguity. In the dr situation, they need to know if you can consent etc. My mum was 40 when she had me so I had this a lot. It embarrassed me as a child to be honest but you just need to get in with it really. My sister (large gap) used to get mistaken for my mum and that used to majorly piss her off so it happens at all ends of the age scale. I remember someone actually coming over to us in a restaurant when I was about 12 to ask. That stuck in my mind.

My nanny was 36 when I was born so when she was your age she had a 9 year old granddaughter.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll That is shockingly sad. What a horrid case. I just can’t imagine how scared that little girl must have been.

I would rather that then people asking if I'm my df's girlfriend at my grandmas funeral- I was 15 and wanted to die! Yuck

Now I have been commented on being my ds 'girl' and regularly get asked if we are paying separately.
Nope he's my son, yes he's 6 ft but please it's so creepy, he's 14.

This would get me down too. I'm 43 and have a 5yo.

At nursery there was loads of middle class families with older mums so I never felt especially old.

Now at school in working class area, the school gates have a massive range. I cant always tell who is mum/granny/sister or dad/grandad so I consciously avoid using those terms. I'm sure I look ancient to some of the mums.

When speaking to kids I refer to their "grown up". Not just the age thing, you never know if a kid is in care.

I get it, but then a lot of grandmas are in their 40s!

OP you have to accept you're an older Mum. You can't blame the general public for being confused. Get over it.

I'm same age and never experienced this. But suppose if you look older then this is par for the course for most mothers in 40s to 50s with younger children

Don't be an arse SoloMummy There's nothing to suggest OP looks older than 45.

^You obviously look older than your years for everyone to making the same Nan comment

God there are some arsehole on here.

You should have replied "How dare you, I'm his Uncle! " and revelled in the awkward backtracking.

I nearly said no I'm his dad (In a deep voice) lol

@misspiggy19
Thanks you've made me feel really fucking amazing tonight!

I’d be mortified, particularly as 40 isn’t “old” to have a child in this day and age. It’s fairly common? I don’t know any women who became a grandmother at 40, is that not ridiculously young? Maybe I live in a bubble

I’m starting to panic now! I’m having an embryo put back soon and if all goes to plan i’ll be about to turn 36 when I complete my family. Is that old?! Will I be mistaken for Granny in a few years?! FWIW I already have a 10 year old and 1 year old and I have regular botox and facials

’d be mortified, particularly as 40 isn’t “old” to have a child in this day and age. It’s fairly common? I don’t know any women who became a grandmother at 40, is that not ridiculously young? Maybe I live in a bubble confused

Where I grew up, 40 would be considered really late to have a child.
40 is not very young to be a nan. I had my first at 20, so if my DD has her first around the same time I did, I could easily he a nan by 40.

I know most people are waiting until their late 30s to have kids, but for me early 30s would be the latest I would consider getting pregnant. I don't want to be looking after school-age kids in my 50s.

I'm very happy to be looking after school age kids in my 50s. I would not have wanted to miss out on my 20s spent travelling and parting to look after kids.
We are all different, thankfully.