To ask what a first time parent absolutely doesn't need to do or buy?

[glabicki]

I'm pregnant with my first and we are starting to order things for the baby.

There are so many gadgets, and I wonder what things I absolutely won't need and what is a life saver?

And what parenting advice should I ignore, and what advice should I take on board?

Trying not to get too worked up about everything, but I'm starting to feel like I don't know anything and I need to buy everything!

Thanks in advance!

Don't bother with a baby bath, use the kitchen sink. It's back breaking bending over and they use them for such a short time.

As far as getting home from hospital goes, make sure you have something for the baby to sleep in and something to transport it around (whether that be a sling, buggy or your arms).

My DC was born early and we had pretty much nothing - but 24hr supermarkets are brilliant!

You can stock up on nappies and wipes etc., but it's worth finding out which work best for you first - if baby is smaller or grows more quickly than expected even nappies and clothing can be wasted.

I ended up buying an electric breast pump, but only when I discovered it was needed. Ditto a prep machine for friends who formula fed. Having the funds to get unexpected items is most important.

Addition: I rarely used muslins despite their supposed necessity.

We got a video monitor which I (as a super-anxious FTM) was very glad of.

Agree with @1Morewineplease if this thread has shown anything it’s how much the things you ‘need’ varies

I don't know what is not essential! But the things which were absolutely life changing and musts were ...

A rocky chair
A dummy (or 20; you may not be keen on them now, but I guarantee by 4 weeks after the birth you'll at least have tried one!)
A Moses basket
Muslin squares (babies tend to be sick alot! No one warned me of that!)
Nappy cream - the yellow tube metanium one!

Good luck :) enjoy all the lovely moments to come! :)

Every mum and every baby is different but what you actually need initially is fairly minimal. Baby needs food, nappies, simple, comfy clothing appropriate to the season, somewhere safe to sleep and some means of transportation. You need comfy clothing, maternity pads, a couple of nursing bras if you are breastfeeding and some breastpads and some quick and easy food and drinks in the house. Also make sure you have some painkillers in at home - both paracetamol and ibuprofen are safe if you are breastfeeding. A lot of hospitals don't send you home with drugs that you can buy over the counter now because of the cost. You may be really lucky and have no pain at all after delivery, but most of us have some discomfort from stitches, sore breasts, afterpains etc. Also, not very environmentally friendly I know, but I found disposable knickers a godsend in the first few days when I was bleeding heavily.
Unless you live somewhere really isolated you will be able to get additional things fairly easily if you need them. My advice would be not to stockpile anything until you know how much you really need. For example, if you buy hundreds of newborn nappies and dozens of tiny babygros you might find baby is into the next size in a week. Likewise I barely used any breastpads as after the first few weeks I didn't leak much, but I know other mums who have got through loads. So the best bet is to just get enough of everything to last you a few days til things become clearer. It is tempting to go out and buy loads of stuff as shopping for babies, especially your first is usually an enjoyable and exciting thing, but most of us actually buy way more stuff than we need. A baby's real needs are very simple at first but there is a huge industry designed to part us from our money by convincing us that we are bad mums if we don't have the latest gadget. That's just not true.
Look on Ebay and other selling sites at all the "as new" and "barely used" gadgets. That will tell you what you don't need!
Babies need food, warmth, cleanliness and love. And so do mums. Get plenty of those, especially love, and you will be fine.

You don't need to buy everything new! Obviously follow SIDS advice about buying new mattresses for the Moses basket, or cradle or cot bed, but otherwise it's perfectly fine to have second hand stuff.

I think that my second hand pram was so liberating... I wasn't worried about dinging it up or scratching it or having the baby make a mess, or having it stolen, or whatever else might make me spend enormous amounts of time obsessing over the stupid thing.

If you drive, do buy a new car seat as you just have no way of knowing if a used one was involved in an incident.

You don't need cutsie outfits for baby. Maybe a couple for special occasions, but otherwise your baby will happily live in a babygro until they start crawling (and even then they're still great). Vest and babygro with plenty in reserve for when they get messed up with bodily fluids from both ends. You'll spend a lot of time pulling things off and putting them back on again. Make it simple. Press studs and symmetry of design all worked well for us.

We had one of those padded changing mats that went all over - table top, floor, bed, lounge etc. We only occasionally used the over-the-cot changing mat.

We had dozens of muslins and regularly used them. Stick one flat underneath baby's head to provide additional protection to sheets/bouncers/pram/play gym/etc. Easy to switch it out when required.

Never bought a changing bag. We used a rucksack that either DH or I could sling on our backs easily. We did have a travel changing mat inside there because public facilities can be gross and sometimes you even need to use it al fresco. We packed that thing light too. We would take 2 or 3 nappies and 2 changes of clothes. If disaster struck and more were required, we simply went home. No point lugging around an extra 5 kg of useless weight.

If you are breastfeeding, Lanolin nipple cream is worth its weight in gold. In the early days, apply liberally before and after BFing.

Cotton pads (cheapest ones from the supermarket) rather than cotton wool. Cotton wool just goes stringy and sticks to everything and they're just not big enough to clear a mess and protect your fingers as well. Cheap tie-top nappy disposal sacks from the supermarket so that all waste goes immediately in there. They were really quite air tight when tied correctly.

We didn't buy a "top and tail" bowl. We just had a cheap plastic container that was solely dedicated to nappy changing. Face washer which can be rinsed after use.

We only used water for the bath. A little bit of mild shampoo (Child's Farm) when we felt the need. No soap, nothing to irritate skin.

We bought two "gimmick/gadget" type items - a motion sensor and a Tummy Tub.

The Tummy Tub which was fabulous and then DC graduated to the regular bathtub.

I loved the motion sensor pad we had underneath the mattress. Yes, it occasionally goes off when the baby rolls to a part of the mattress that's out of range, but watching that little motion icon moving on the screen gave much needed reassurance in the early days.

We borrowed a baby carrier thing and didn't even use it once. I refused to carry the ever-growing baby after doing it for 9 months already, and DH felt that his arms were perfectly able to perform that function.

Good luck and have lots of fun!

What @1Morewineplease said. Recently had DC3 and we are doing and using different things with her compared with when the others were babies.

All I will say is we invested in a good pram as we hoped to have multiple children and it has stood the test of time, likewise for the Moses basket (new mattress each time).
Things you will need for baby are a car seat, nappies, wipes and cream. Clothes to bring baby home in and somewhere for them to sleep. I also needed lots of muslins. For you stock up on maternity pads. If you plan on breastfeeding get yourself some nursing bras and nipple cream, if not get all the stuff associated with formula feeding.
The other stuff is very individual (re pumps, baby baths etc) and there's no harm in waiting until baby is here to decide what extras you want to buy and try depending on your baby.

I bought very little before dd came home for superstitious reasons.

But also because I’d a lot of childcare experience before having her inc being a nanny and seen others buying expensive items they never used.

Not that I was immune to doing that myself!

The main things we had before she was born were travel system (so we had the car seat for taking her home), basic clothes (mainly vests and babygros, cute outfits might look nice for 5 mins but they’re rarely comfy or practical), loads of muslins, towels, nappies, wipes, basic baby toiletries.

You can never have too many Muslins or towels!

Don’t go overboard on newborn and 0-3 month clothes they grow out of this stage really quickly and people tend to gift this size too.

We were very lucky to have lovely kind friends who were done having their families and passed on some things to us inc Moses basket (barely used - she was a long baby and soon outgrew), cot, bedding, clothes (one friend gave me 2 huge black bin bags of clothes some still with tags on!)

We bought new mattresses for the Moses and cot as per sids guidelines.

I bf and didn’t even consider I wouldn’t want to or be unable to - naive in hindsight - but actually meant I persevered with the bf in the tough early days too. But however you choose to feed chances are you’re going to leak so definitely get breast pads.

Dummies - controversial, but we didn’t think to buy ahead of time and had an awful night when dd was just screaming whenever she wasn’t on the boob but when she was on the boob she wasn’t feeding wasn’t even sucking she just wanted the feeling of something in her mouth.

We bought a bouncy chair a few weeks after she was born and she pretty much lived in it! There’s all kinds of fancy ones now but this was just a basic one - but top tip get one with a good solid handle! Guaranteed trick for settling dd was putting her in bouncy chair in front of spinning washing machine! My laundry got spun a lot! 😂

Radiator airers! Even with a tumble dryer you can have loads to get dry and very small things like socks and scratch mittens can get lost in the machine and clog it up, oh yea - a net to put them in to wash them in so you don’t wreck your washer - plus it’s very cute seeing them all drying.

Good hand cream! All the handwashing after nappy changes, laundry etc plays havoc and it’s even worse with sore hands. Everyone has their own preference, I used a Holland and Barrett calendula cream as I have allergies and also like to use cruelty free as much as possible (although admittedly this was before the law change when it was harder to do this)

Things we bought that were a waste of money

Baby bath with plug in to use in normal bath - pain in the arse! Much easier bathing her in the large bathroom sink we had at the time and then in the main bath with one of us in with her.

Changing table - really uncomfortable to use and I never felt dd was really safe on it as it takes just a moments inattention once they can roll over for an accident to happen, plus it meant everything needed for nappy change was in easy reach of her! Sudocrem is MURDER to get off so many things!

BUT at least 2 good, comfy “wedge” style, wipe clean changing mats - poonamis are something else! Plus some baby’s (looking at you dd) seem to delight in peeing as soon as the nappy’s off! The wedge helps them not to roll away as easily AND contains any mess to a degree.

I can change a nappy with one hand on my lap if it’s a basic nappy change but for poonamis mats are essential.

Sling - beloved on here I couldn’t get on with it at all, not least because dd was a big/long baby and I’m a short arse plus I had bad spd during pregnancy and then an emcs so it was plain painful for me. Ex couldn’t get on with it either, he’s also short and he never really felt confident completely trusting the sling to hold her which I also struggled with instinctually.

The travel system was used a lot when she was tiny but around 6 months we went on a beach holiday and got a VERY cheap umbrella buggy from mothercare and that buggy got used WAY more than the bulky hard to manoeuvre travel system.

I knew how to swaddle with ordinary blankets and find it easy but I’ve never tried actual swaddling blankets so can’t comment there.

I never had a nappy bin just bagged and binned in bathroom bin - and I have ocd! It was fine.

Mobile - she hated it!

Baby monitor - more trouble than convenience kept picking up neighbours stuff and whining with feedback! Plus we were in a small flat anyway! Completely unnecessary

Things I wish I’d had:

Insulated cup for tea or even better a flask

When we had to move to ff I’d have LOVED ready made formula even just for night feeds. I HATED faffing with making up formula.

Sleep pod - we co slept a lot I think I would have relaxed a little more with this

I’d also love to have tried a co-sleeping cot. Would probably have worked really well for us.

A decent practical changing bag - hated mine it held sod all! I ended up resorting to a rucksack which I put a small foldable changing mat in.

Pram gloves? Had to google - what’s wrong with normal ones?

A lot of it’s very personal, regarding advice? Smile and nod basically. Go with what your hcps advise (although even they get it wrong! Many are horrendous on bf knowledge) your own instincts, research online using reputable sites. Ultimately it’s the parents who decide nobody else.

Baby bath
Thermometer
Listening devices
Sterilisers
Bottle warmer
Moses basket

toys

there is very little you need, order for delivery as you go because you don't know what kind of baby you are going to end up with

One of those white noise toys, I used YouTube!

If formula feeding a prep machine, cool boiled water in fridge! Boiled water in bottle, formula powder then top up with cool boiled water!

I never used our swing/bouncer! Although I realise some babies love them my LO wasn't bothered! Same with dummies.

Obviously but vests/sleepsuits etc but if you have family or friends with babies you'll probably be given a lot. Same with blankets if you have any older relatives that knit... we were overloaded with blankets

What I've found most useful are -

Muslins, they mop up EVERYTHING

A small basket in your bedroom & living room with nappies, wipes etc.. I have a lovely changing unit but I've not yet used it, mostly wherever I am at the time.

A next to me has been the Best Buy, I bought a second hand one. Disinfected the base and machine washed the material bit & it was brand new!

Always shop around, nothing wrong with the bigger pricey bits being second hand, you'll probably only use for so long then not need it x

Don’t need
Bottles
Formula
Dummies
Listening devices
Bottom cream
Cot

If you BF & co-sleep as we did .

Ohh also as far as a baby monitor, I bought an app for £3.99 on iTunes, used my iPad with her as the baby unit and could see/hear/speak to her... it also played white noise! Brilliant app so no need to pay out for a baby monitor xx

Also I found a playmat VERY useful, we were gifted one, I used to lie down on the floor and play with her when she was interested, change her (obviously it was washed often) & she slept on it! Fallen asleep on blankets when she was a few months!

We were also given one of those material bags with sections for toiletries & bath time, so handy, kept all her creams/shampoo/bubble bath & baby scissors etc in there & at bath time it was just a case of getting that out, we still also use our shnuggle bath... she's a petite 7 month old

Sorry I keep thinking of things I'll stop now

Vests and grows in a couple of sizes
A hat
Nappies, cotton wool pads, changing mat (fold up is fine)
Thermometer
Carseat
Pram
Moses basket or pram carrycot (check if ok to sleep in at night
Couple of blankets
Muslins
breastpads and lanisoh if planning on bf
Insulated cup for yourself is a godsend, plus lots of snacks

So much of the rest depends on stuff you can't know till you know what shape/size DC is, whether he has sensitive skin, wants to sleep on you or can be put down etc. No idea about formula but if breastfeeding wait to buy pumps and other bits and pieces as you don't know what will suit you. Same goes for gadgets like room thermometers, monitors, bouncy chairs, changing bags, swaddles and sleepingbags. We - and so many people we know - bought lots that didn't suit our baby or routine.

Get Amazon prime so you can get almost anything in 24 hours.

I would also look up your local sling library and breastfeeding support groups/cafe so you can access them easily if/when ready.

Congratulations and good luck!

I think a sling/carrier is an absolute necessity, but find out about your local sling library and hire one to start with. We offer free hire of stretchy wraps for babies under 6 weeks at time of hire, and it's so much better to try a few options to see what suits you and baby before buying one!!

Big expensive prams are the biggest mistake most new parents make.

Most get tricked into thinking something that’s marketed as a bargain because it will last until they are 3 is good value.

Don’t be fooled!

By 6 months you will be reaching for the lightweight stroller.

Get an immaculate 2nd hand pram on eBay. You will use it a handful of times for 6 months then it’s just something to clutter your hall.

I've had four DC and I've never had a changing unit or baby monitors. Never had a car seat either as I don't drive, just used to borrow one if needed.

Don't buy a bow to put round head if it's a girl

Dummies - these got us through the first couple nights and months. They were a lifesaver for a baby who wanted to suck constantly. Weened baby off now so doesn’t have them anymore.

Ready made bottles (aptimil), Steriliser and bottles Plus powdered newborn formula. Planned to breast feed but didn’t go to plan, so glad I had these to hand as they turned out to be necessary.

Did not need
• baby bath - just a bath support to go in main bath
• socks - not needed as baby wore sleepsuits with integral socks/feet. Even now (baby 5 months) they drive me crazy coming off all the time and ‘sock ons’ make it even more of a faff
• baby sling/carrier - had one just never felt the need to use
• toys - baby doesn’t need these to begin with
• Chicco Next to me cot - expensive buy that baby hated and ended up in a borrowed Moses basket

It's been 14 years since my dd was a teeny tiny baby!

We had a Moses basket downstairs and took it up with us to put in the cot at night, I wish they had the next to me cots then it would of been a god send!

3+ sheets for Moses basket
Muslins lots and lots of muslins
Pack of 5 baby grows and vests in newborn, ours were all tiny babies and we didn't use the newborn stuff for a while
A box to put all your nappies, creams, wipes etc in
Bath wedge can use in the sink
Pram that lays flat
Car seat if you drive
Good quality changing bag
Bepanthen nappy cream it's brilliant
A set of bottles and ready made milk, just in case you struggle to breast feed in the middle of the night
Meal prep for a couple of weeks worth of meals if you have room
Room thermometer
Baby thermometer

Oooo it's making me all broody, and I can't have any more!

I bought a pretty cheap microwave steralisor. Was great, easy to use and could still fit plenty in but didn't take up much room.
Instead of a fancy nappy bin which sound awful I just got a small bin with a swing lid, was a few pounds from somewhere like home bargains. I can put nappies in it upstairs so not having to bring each one downstairs but still emptied regular especially in the early days when you use a lot more nappies.
I used the carry cot from the pram in the house for sleep during the day so didn't get a moses basket. I had a small swing cot in the bedroom for night. I got that second hand and was in great condition for about 20 rather than about 100.

Don't read Gina Ford.

Do see if there is a sling library near you, visit before you have the baby and after. Slings are so handy!

A travel system. Spent £1200+ on an egg pram/pushchair and then before we went away bought a £100 joie and would have been fine with the latter from the start