To ask what a first time parent absolutely doesn't need to do or buy?

[glabicki]

I'm pregnant with my first and we are starting to order things for the baby.

There are so many gadgets, and I wonder what things I absolutely won't need and what is a life saver?

And what parenting advice should I ignore, and what advice should I take on board?

Trying not to get too worked up about everything, but I'm starting to feel like I don't know anything and I need to buy everything!

Thanks in advance!

I definitely wouldn’t buy a breast pump either. If you do want one you could have one in hours. If you use it you’ll need a steriliser and bottles too.
You need a list of things you would like. The lidded coffee cop and the car seat, the place for baby to sleep. Then when people say they’d like to buy you something, you can be specific. Otherwise you’ll be surprised with stuff you don’t want.

You need space.

1. somewhere to change nappies, which is probably in the bathroom so you can wash your hands
2. Somewhere for baby to sleep, which is probably near your bed.
3. in the kitchen if you are bottle feeding.

So you need to clear our some of the stuff you have now.

Check the curtains/blinds in your own room. You might want to have day time naps.

My list of essentials would be:

Car seat
Sling
Vests and babygrows (though leave quite late to buy and don’t buy a lot as you’ll probably get given lots of these as gifts and/or hand me downs)
Hat
Warm layer
Somewhere for baby to sleep (in our case a bedside crib with a borrowed sleepyhead in it - probably wouldn’t have bought one though as so expensive)
Blanket
Muslins (not too many - if you have a sicky baby you can always buy more!)
Disposable nappies (again not too many, they grow sooooo quickly!)
Wipes
Roll up changing mat for out and about
Changing bag (can be one you already own though!)
Somewhere to put the baby down while you make a sandwich/go to the loo etc - we got passed down a simple bouncy chair which has had lots of use
Maternity pads for after birth
Maternity bras

That’s it really. Everything else can be bought if and when you need it. With our first we tried to put her in a pram but she wouldn’t have any of it until she was about 3 months old! The sling was an absolute life saver and I wouldn’t have been able to leave the house without it. Next two babies I didn’t even try and put them in a pram until they were a few months old!!

Also I have never bought any baby clothes and I still have too many because I’m constantly being given hand me downs!!

I couldn’t be bothered with pumping and all the faff of sterilising so that cut down a lot of stuff.

Parents to be get bombarded with so much pressure to buy loads of stuff and companies really work the “mum guilt” to make you think if you don’t buy this or that gadget it means you don’t love your baby. Don’t get sucked into their money making lies! Babies are minimalists at heart. In my experience all they really want is milk and cuddles.

I'd say you only need:
Changing mat
Wipes
Cotton wool, baby bath (liquid), baby soap, baby shampoo.
Babygrows vests nappies.
Moses basket
Blankets and sheets for Moses basket
Carseat which attachs to pram/pushchair.

Formula, bottles and sterilizer. My babies always fed from both breast and bottle but that's whole debate of its own.

You'll get lots of teddies and baby clothes as gifts and babies grow fast.

Later you'll need cotbed and bedding and bigger clothes and bigger nappies and baby bowls spoons and plates.

Seasonal baby wear too. Think about due date. If it's July you won't need snowsuit. In winter no sunhats

I got a bunch of reusable nappies that have barely been used.

A changing table which is just taking up more space than it needs to (it does provide storage too but I don’t know why I saw it as necessary)

I wish I had gotten more second hand items.

One thing I would have liked to have gotten though was a perfect prep machine. I wanted to breast feed DD but couldn’t so in hindsight the machine was have really helped!

Also agree with a PP and get the minimum and add what you need once baby is here.

Don't buy any new born stuff go for 0-3 my dds didn't last a week in newborn baby grows

I needed a nappy bin! Six floors up and no lift. I had to get baby into outdoor gear and in a sling to put the bins out. Was an hour round trip! Maybe if you live in a house or on the ground floor they’re not nice but mine was the best thing we had!

nursery furniture really not needed beyond a cot and a chest of drawers to put baby clothes in.

Most crucial were car seat, pram, muslim cloths, babygros, bath seat, changing bag / rusksack and baby sleeping bag. Those celllular blankets are also useful. Little lie back bouncy chair / relaxer and moses basket.

Unless you have a premie or an ill baby you don’t need to sterilise your breast pump or bottles for breast milk.

Cot top changing thing was a waste, just get a mat and change them on the floor. Second hand bouncy chair, lots of bargains on Facebook. Baby gym. Moses basket, pram, car seat, nappies, baby wipes, Muslins. The rest you can figure out once they're here.
Also I didn't get any newborn sized baby grows because I was convinced baby was going to be big (just had 0-3 months size). He was actually tiny and I had to send MIL out to buy some in newborn size. So it's probably worth getting a few of those.

Im with the first poster. Get the bare minimum anything else you can get if you feel you need it.
I’m due no4 in 10wks and currently have one baby grow!
I’ll get nappies(don’t stock pile you’ll end up with unused excess) wipes, Moses basket (and sheets, not blankets, people have a thing of giving these), car seat, couple of baby grows, couple of vests, boob pads (small pack, only leaked initially when milk came in, then was left with loads) and nipple cream, like another said I’d rather be preventative than use it if they’re sore because wow does it hurt.

For me most of what others have said was necessity didn’t get used, you really don’t need most things and if you find you do they’re easy enough to get once they’re here.

What was useful for us:
Sling, borrowed from sling library
Swinging chair and a playmat
Perfect prep (but bought once we moved to formula, I wouldn't have bought it in advance).

Love to dream swaddle suits
Bidabo bibs
Cellular blankets
Highchair with bouncer attachment so v small baby can sit in the kitchen/table with you.
Good pushchair with car seat attachment option.
Bedside crib that lasted until 6 months.
The Atmosphere app for all different soothing noises.
Amazon prime is a lifesaver for at least the first six months.
A good video monitor (I felt comfortable doing chores whilst the baby napped in the day but appreciate some might prefer to stay in the same room).

Things we did without:
Nappy bin, smelly nappies just went straight outside. Emptying it would have been just something else to do.
Breast pump, I did use one but loaned it from my local children's centre for a small fee.
Muslins, I have LOADS and my baby never spits up. They all just sit in a drawer.
Dummies, he will not take one.
Lots of clothes, so many of ours just did not get worn.
Insect net for the pram, never used it.
Baby shoes, I only got one pair and they just did not go on right and looked a bit daft.

Don't buy very much, just buy it when you need it.

In the early days I never really used detergents, so no baby soap, no baby shampoo, no baby bath liquid. I was given some Johnson & Johnson stuff but eventually threw it away.
I did buy some shampoo I liked eventually but only once mine had hair (DD was practically starting school)

I'm always amazed how many people hate nappy bins - for me, it was essential! However I lived in a top floor flat in London and taking dirty nappies to the outside bin would have meant going down three flights of stairs every hour or so.

A friend of mine puts used nappies in her kitchen bin which I think is completely rank - a dedicated bin with twist liners stops smells escaping and it's far more hygienic.

I wish I'd never bothered buying a baby swing - DS hated it, total waste of money. I'm also glad I didn't buy a Moses basket (was lent one) as I barely got any use out of that either.

I just remembered something I did use! An opaque, lidded bucket. Baby clothes or my clothes with baby spit on could be put in the bucket which was ready with some diluted Milton or similar straight away, then washed when convenient.
I also had some cloth shoulder bags for carrying things around in, so I could carry baby too. I had cotton ones so I could put dirty stuff in and then wash the bag.

"4x2" maternity pads for post birth. I was warned. I knew better. Tried always ultra. Epic fail. Persuaded my bed neighbour's mum (who was lovely) to grab me some when she went shopping. She did and they were so much better.
What you don't need is to spend seventy billion pounds on a three or four in one travel system. Waste of money. I acquired a second hand but in great condition, silver cross pram that lifted up and the back when they could sit and dropped down at foot end when they were pushchair size. However, my thirty pound acquisition was sidelined and kept for home journeys only because it was too big and bulky to lift into the boot and for the boot to take the weekly shop as well. So when pushchair size, I got a concertina buggy. Used to see the yummy mummy crowd with all in one systems they felt obliged to maximise but just didn't work well in practical terms. Hundreds spent for 6 month's use and resold at a massive loss.

Just a point about vests etc - if your baby is like many they won't appreciate vests being pulled over their head constantly - H&M (and possibly others) do front closure (asymmetric) vests so no over head pulling.

I thought (may have bee perception) that colief drops that break down lactose did work - nothing else seemed to for colic. A sling/carrier is def a good thing to try if they are struggling with colic/falling asleep as well.

If you formula or combine feed - premix formula cartons/bottles if you can afford them - formula making is such a fkg faff.
Esp. for night.

A cosleeper cot is nice & convenient, just make sure your bedding can't get up over/into it even if it's closed up.

A no contact thermometer is great (about 30 quid) but worth it for not having to faff about trying to get there in mouth/ear/under arm

Never once used a muslin, was never really sure what their purpose was.
I would say vests, baby gro’s, cardi’s, hat, snowsuit (if winter baby), blankets, car seat, buggy (I liked to get out and about), colic drops, thermometer, sudocrem, wet wipes, nappies, Calpol, Milton, take a plastic bag with you when you go out in case the poo up their back so you can stick their clothes in it until you get home, thermo cup with a lid for hot drinks, and somewhere you can put them when their asleep and you get the chance to make a drink a go for a wee (DD’s had a swing, DS had a bouncy chair that he just loved, I also had a sling for him which was useful), I also got given one of those breast feeding v shaped pillows when I had DS, wouldn’t have bothered to buy one myself but it was bloody brilliant. Oh and if you breastfeed Next used to do some vest tops with built in support and clips on the front strap, loved them —still wear them—
Never used a breast pump
Never used a changing mat
Never had a changing bag just chucked it in my handbag
Never used a nappy bin
Never used a dummy
Bottles were a complete waste of time
Never used one any sort of baby monitor
Baby shoes are pointless, usually look daft and they don’t stay on
Only needed nipple cream for one but when I did need it was bloody glad I didn’t have to wait for the morning to get some
Never used a baby bath, just laid baby in the bath with a little bit of water and held their heads, or used the sink
Never used baby socks, they always came off.

I also had a beautiful rocking cradle that was largely unnecessary but so lovely to look at whilst I was pinned to the couch/bed by my baby.

You can not have too many nappies. My niece had the latest in our family and I think I bought her 1,000 nappies of various sizes. She later confided that it was the best gift she got.
Ignore anything electronic.

Definitely DO get a perfect prep if you aren't bf.Absolute godsend

Do you drive? If so you will definitely need a carseat. You will also definitely need baby clothes and either cloth or disposable nappies and wipes. You will need somewhere for baby to sleep, but that could be your own bed, assuming you happy to sleep with them when they go down for naps (baby can't sleep alone in an adult bed). If not then you'll want a Moses basket, cot or a Baby sling/carrier.

Absolutely everything else is down to personal preference. I found a white noise machine, a play mat and a baby monitor really useful, but you absolutely do not need those things.

People hugely overcomplicate the baby thing. It's fine to buy as many gadgets and wotsits as you like - I believe in making your own life as easy as possible, especially once you've had a baby! But I find that the less you have the simpler things are. Babies don't need half the shit that people say you must have.

Buy a nappy bin to put proper nappies in with Milton.
Proper nappies and bags to put them in when out and about.
Changing mat that rolls up that can be used anywhere.
Breastfeed.
Small cot so you can get it close upto your bed, (unless you co-sleep) for first six months.
Clothing.....few babygros, vests. Other people will get the rest.
Decent carseat
Simple rocking chair for when you need to put baby down to do daytime tasks.

It’s been so long since I had my babies and looking at previous posters’ responses , I wouldn’t dare comment.
All I would say , regarding advice from everyone who pops out of the woodwork once you announce your pregnancy, is to listen to every bit of advice that you’re given, thank folk for all their advice, then throw out all the advice that you feel doesn’t feel right for you and your baby.
There are a few gems though... buy a couple of muslins, you don’t NEED Pampers, a one year old doesn’t need an iPad and post natal midwives/health visitors aren’t 100% right. Check with your GP and your gut instinct.