To NOT agree that "if babies relied on men, humans would have died out long ago"

[TupperwareTimmy]

That's what DH said to me when a neighbour friend popped around for coffee a couple of weeks ago but had to leave early, because her DD was "inconsolable" for some reason (she text an hour later, turned out her DH hadn't fed her, so she'd only had 1 Weetabix for breakfast at 7am, that's it, nowhere near enough for a toddler). She was fine when she'd been fed. But when my DH heard this he made that comment, and I thought it was just a useless DH my neighbour has.yet today I read a similar thread on here saying another father "forgot" to feed his baby all day if themum went out of the house.

DH (who is an equal parent in terms of mental and physical load owing to the fact that we're earning the same no neither of us can BS about doing more!) maintains that most men simply aren't "that interested" in babies they can't interact with, but I think that's owing to his social background (men in pub while wife's in labour type attitudes, lots of jokes and macho crap like that!).

I never understand it! I'm still on maternity leave but while my husband is here he does just as much as me, I feel really lucky but I shouldn't, it should be the standard and not the exception

If men had to look after kids they would, the reason some men act like idiots when it comes to childcare and household stuff is because they don't want to it and think it's a woman's job so they act like they're incapable

I don't know; there's a thread on here today about a man who 'forgot' to feed his baby daughter all day.

I'll bet you any money a woman has never forgotten that small humans also need fed.

Some men choose to be lazy dicks because they get away with it. If there were no women around they might step up, but as long as people with vaginas are around, lots of them will stay the same lazy shitebags they've always been.

Doh, just saw you've mentioned that thread already

They get away with it because women are there to rush home and work out why the child is inconsolable. If there was no one rushing home to help they'd soon work out the kid was hungry and feed them. I hope.

My ex needs a "woman" around to look after his two sons who I look after 24 hours a day on my own but he just cant cope alone for less than 8 hours a week 🙄

@AudacityOfHope yes but if no mother was going to rush home and think about it for them then they would do it as @Mylittlepony374 said

Its a load of nonsense. If a man wants to take care of his children properly then he will. My dp has never once forgotten to feed our son, even when he is stressed out of his mind or tired because he sees our son as more important than himself.
He'd be out on his arse if he didn't look after him properly as he is just as much a parent as I am

My husband would do anything for our baby, he loves spending time with her, but I guess it just depends on the person. People, men and women, are not all made to be good parents. I think the problem really is some people having them just because it's the done thing, rather than because they actually want them.

My daughter's father pays £10 a week to support her and has chosen not to work since we split up. I'm not confident he would have stepped up if I hadn't provided for her, so I think there's a lot of truth in what your DH says.

So they are just choosing to be neglectful cunts then. Which is as good as useless, if not actually worse.

I think the majority of men would cope if there was no alternative, but women facilitate a lot of unacceptable lazy or clueless behaviour from partners and sons.
So they are left to get on with it.

It isn’t true that just men don’t feed kids. Some women are the same. I know one, who didn’t used to feed her dc as often as required. She never felt hungry and it didn’t occur to her to feed her child. She’d not had decent parenting herself.

I'm sure that true @Mummyoflittledragon but she wasn't doing that because she was still role playing being 15 and knew that an actual grown up would come and fix it all for her later.

It's infuriating the other way around when people assume all women are deeply maternal.

Some women are appalling with babies and children as well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

No parent is perfect - we all make mistakes. When ds2 was born, and dh went back to work, I was feeling very smug by mid-afternoon, because both the baby and toddler had been fed and had had their naps, and the baby was in a clean nappy - when I noticed that ds1’s nappy was so sodden it was practically down to his knees!

I had simply forgotten that one thing amongst all the rest - because I am human.

I went back to work for a kit day leaving my husband with my 9 month old son, I was breastfeeding and had left plenty of milk but my son also ate food and drink water by then. Husband managed to not give him anything to drink all day - no milk or water!
Luckily I work a short day and he had eaten fruit but I was absolutely furious and stayed off work an extra month unpaid as I was too anxious to leave him again. My husband made himself a few cups of coffee through the day mind. He’s a very good and very hands on dad, I think he just hasn’t had to worry about liquids as being bf I always covered that.

Biologically and evolutionarily speaking, he’s correct. Breast milk and all that caper 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well my husband certainly forgot to feed our babies if I went out, I would come home to a frantic baby and husband saying "I have no idea why he's crying, I tried taking him for a walk" etc etc. Happened more than once, even if I left instructions.

My parents separated when I was a baby and my Dad did a fantastic job with me when it was his time. My DH definitely knows to feed our DS for heaven’s sake, I don’t think all men are neglectful idiots at all.

DH.... maintains that most men simply aren't "that interested" in babies they can't interact with

To be fair, I don't think many women are 'interested' in having milk/food puked back up all over them and cleaning up explosive poo. They do it because they're interested in (and love) the small person doing the puking and pooing.

Plenty of dads do step up and do it (and there are mums who are thoughtless or even neglectful), but I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that the baby starts with the mother and she (whether alone or with the dad) is given all of the advice about feeding and caring for the baby. She also has up to 9 months of constant reminders of the impending baby to focus her mind on what will need to be done to care for the baby and for patronising strangers to put in their four penn'orth unsolicited

It's also a bit of a vicious circle. As primary carers (at least initially) Mums know they will need to have to care for the baby, so they step up and learn how to get on with it. Some dads see this and think "Great, all covered - no need for me to bother, then". Other dads, particularly those who haven't been able to go to all the antenatal appointments, might fee shut out and lack confidence or even feel that they'll be told they're doing it wrong by their wives. The result being that they never learn what to do or develop the necessary thought processes for caring for a child.

Dads should neither be made to feel incapable nor allowed to excuse themselves from being parents too.

A lot of this could be solved by choosing decent partners

There's a staggering number of crap Dads on MN

Lots of them have never looked after their 2 kids alone. If mum has to do something else then female extended family are roped in to help and this extended family believe that it's unreasonable to expect the man to look after 2 kids alone.

I've seen plenty of stories about Dads who can't dress pre-schoolers. Leggings plus top is too difficult for them yet somehow they hold down jobs.

My DH never forgot to feed either of our babies. He did however manage to feed DD1 custard for breakfast for a few days before I noticed... He had mixed up the fruit pits and custard pots.