To NOT agree that "if babies relied on men, humans would have died out long ago"

[TupperwareTimmy]

That's what DH said to me when a neighbour friend popped around for coffee a couple of weeks ago but had to leave early, because her DD was "inconsolable" for some reason (she text an hour later, turned out her DH hadn't fed her, so she'd only had 1 Weetabix for breakfast at 7am, that's it, nowhere near enough for a toddler). She was fine when she'd been fed. But when my DH heard this he made that comment, and I thought it was just a useless DH my neighbour has.yet today I read a similar thread on here saying another father "forgot" to feed his baby all day if themum went out of the house.

DH (who is an equal parent in terms of mental and physical load owing to the fact that we're earning the same no neither of us can BS about doing more!) maintains that most men simply aren't "that interested" in babies they can't interact with, but I think that's owing to his social background (men in pub while wife's in labour type attitudes, lots of jokes and macho crap like that!).

The issue is a lot of men are ambivalent regarding having kids. Due to societal and spousal pressure, they go along with it. They don't really want them, though. Which explains why it's the mother's role in their mind- she wanted them, she can do it sort of thing.

On a much smaller scale, some women are totally domineering regarding their kids, too. Which means he barely gets a look in. Before you know it, the child is a year old and he's never fed them, bathed them, did night duties, bought what they need and probably changed minimal nappies. So, when they are left alone, they haven't got a clue. Of course, this could be easily solved by either ensuring you play an equal role or asking for help, but some men don't like to feel "lesser than" so bumble on through it, and, as a result, make mistakes.

That is a much less likely scenario, though. Really, women need to double and triple check their partner's want for a kid. And if they're a shit dad with baby #1, don't go ahead and have baby 2, 3 and 4. And, newsflash. If he has kids with his ex and sees them twice a month... probably best not to have any with him.

Men who genuinely want kids can be incredible fathers. But you need to do your due diligence. Why put so much at risk otherwise, when it'll be you holding the baby?

I worked for a charity that supported children who had gone into care. Sadly there are lots of mothers who don't meet their child's basic needs

I don’t think that the incidence of ‘crap dad’ stories on here means most men are crap at parenting - I just think it means people are far more likely to post about a man who is crap at parenting, because they need a rant, whereas they’d see less need to post about a partner who is helpful and an equally good parent.

Good news doesn’t make stories - “Plane lands safely - none hurt” is not an attention grabbing headline.

My DH sorts the kids out for school every day because I work early. Irons the uniforms, everything! He does feed them when he is in with them alone but does struggle a little with our picky middle child so it's a nugget and chips job!

My DH would have almost certainly kept DC alive and he would have provided tons of love and security too. The house wouldn't have been kept to my standards, there would have been far fewer vegetables and precious little homework would have been done, but who's to say my way is best? (Ok, maybe the veg!)

I worked for a charity that supported children who had gone into care. Sadly there are lots of mothers who don't meet their child's basic needs

If the kids have had to go into care, the fathers weren't meeting their needs either, though...

I don't think the human race would have died out, but I do think there'd be a lot less of us

I live in an area of Liverpool were women do the main child rearing. Many are left as LPs. There's lots of those areas.

I think that if men thought them having a baby meant the possibility of them having them 24/7, taking leave from work and having to do the mental load, then the population would be a lot less.

A much bigger % would stay childless.

Biologically and evolutionarily speaking, he’s correct. Breast milk and all that caper

Human males have all the necessary anatomy to breast feed. It's more a hormone thing. Nice dose of prolactin, and away you go ...

DH works full time, im a SAHM. So naturally i do more with the kids, organise their schedule and stuff.
I work on weekends sometimes and DH is alo e with the kids both days. People react shocked when they hear this. Eapecially when they find out that i havent prepared meals for them. My mother invites him to lunch every single time! Sometimes he goes, when he doesnt she brings food over for dinner
She never brings food over when im alone with the kids!