Only speaking to husband/business partner

[namechanger0989]

So.... me and my husband have our own business, we are equal partners and work equally together.

We have a contract with another business. The procurement/contract manager has been down to today to speak to us. She is female (kind of relevant).

She came to me and asked for my hubby, I said he's busy can I help? She said no, I just want a word with hubby and refused to speak to me.

She then took him to one side and asked him some questions about the business.

I am fuming that she did this! It's so patronising and unprofessional.

When I spoke to hubby after he thought I was over reacting. I'm annoyed at him too for not saying something.

More annoying is that he has answered half of the questions she asked wrong as he didn't know the info (which I did as I deal with most of the part of the business she was asking about)

This is not the first time it's happened and it's really pissing me off.

So firstly, AIBU to be annoyed? Secondly, help me word a professional email telling her that I'm not happy.

Thanks charmingB and anchor.
I've never really experienced this before as I have mostly worked either in jobs considered to be 'for women' when kids were younger or I have worked as single management so those above have no choice but to speak to me directly.
My husband is very competent in what we do but I think he needs to take one for the team and take a step back to help me on this one. He just doesn't see that he has done anything wrong.

She may well prefer dealing with your husband for a huge number of reasons.

Just to clarify I wasn't saying there is probably a long list of reasons she does this, just that there are many potential reasons someone would prefer one person at a supplier company - and it may be just one of them in this case.

It’s your husband who needed to behave differently here, by saying “actually it’s x you need to speak to”.

I wouldn’t email the customer as that would just put them off.

That makes sense kassween.
I think if she just came down and caught him each time because she prefers to speak to him, it wouldn't bother me. We each have relationships with different people in the business and we each have people we like/don't really like.
It's the dismissal that I find really rude.

Agree with previous comments.

Deep breath, and send a polite email apologising for incorrect info and provide correct info. Finish the email with a possitive and proactive offer to give further info on your area of the business for her if she wants more.

It's probably a complete miss-understanding about roles and responsibilities. It could be the good.old chestnut of this woman assumed that as the man of the business he is the leader; best way to correct that assumption is to stay calm and politely communicate that you have equal standing by taking the lead in an email - make sure you copy in your partner so that this woman can see that you work as a cohesive team so it doesn't look petty.

Yes, I think she was being sexist. And your husband didn't cover himself in glory either. But you can't send that email even though I totally get how you feel. If you must set her straight, take all the anger out of it and send the email suggested by pp, along the lines of, sorry you were given the wrong info, this is the right info and I am probably your best contact in future for this kind of thing. I realise you say the info doesn't necessarily need correcting, but this is the only way you can make your point without seeming like a churlish loon, given that you need her custom.

Yes, probably she assumed he was the boss because he is a bloke! This happened to me.

I was in a meeting and I made a policy decision. The meeting leader said to me "That's great, do you need to run it past Fred first and come back to us?" I said "No, I've made the decision. Fred is in back my deputy but I will inform him of the decision."
This is because 'Fred' went round acting like cock-of-the-walk and asserting himself unnecessarily, while I just tended to get on with it.

I don't usually mind if people don't realise I am the boss. I know that I am and that's enough. I would make it clear if I needed to!

We each have relationships with different people in the business and we each have people we like/don't really like.

I think remove the non business bit of this in your head if at all possible. It might not be that she doesn't "like" you, but that she prefers working with him business wise. It's really different and hopefully not then as upsetting personally.

But as I said if she was rude to you that's on her and shitty of her. Im not saying it's fair but life isn't fair and we have to make judgement calls on the greater good.

Unfortunately as you know these things happen in business and pulling her up on it would be a bad business decision unless you can afford the financial loss and potential damage to reputation if she mentions it to people in a negative way.

The onus is on the supplier to build relationships where necessary again I'm not saying that's nice or fair but it's the reality of it. It's either that, let her deal with your husband on things or lose the client.

Sorry as I said OP I know you have been hurt by this but try not to give it too much headspace

I get this all the time - partly its about having the same name and clearly being Mrs B rather than Mrs something else. I am actually better qualified and better experienced than DH although technically he is better than me. I actually secretly laugh about it as it tells me more about the client or customer than they want to actually say. I do have some knacks to handle it especially on the phone. It includes, "He is not available at the moment, can I help at all?" "I can get a message to him" "what was it concerning" £ Generally I deal with that sort of thing" "Yes I am the co-director/owner can I help at all" etc

I'm sorry this is on your husband in my opinion. In business you are going to deal with customers that are rude, annoying, sexist etc. Its always going to happen and its difficult for you to pull them up on it as you might in real life as they will no longer be your customer.

Your husband should have said 'best direct your queries to x, this is more her side than mine' or called you over and introduced you as his business partner and got you to answer the questions he couldn't. It would be a lot easier for him to subtlety let her know that you are equal partners at the time, than you sending an email after the fact to tell her you could have helped (which I agree with others is unprofessional). Have a word with him and tell him what youd like him to do if this situation arose again

Your husband clearly doesn't see you as an equal and it's obvious to your clients, that's what they are inferring from his behaviour, they way he responds, what he says etc. He is your problem.