To be too tired to do anything most evenings ?

[Sugarcainx]

I honestly have no idea how people can go out for drinks a few nights a week or to different hobbies etc. Most nights after work.
I'm a teacher and the fact that I can't drive doesn't help. I wake up at 6am every day, leave at 6:30 and get to work just before 8. It takes me about 1h15 on public transport, it would be 25 minutes in a car. Sometimes I get a taxi in so I can sleep longer, but can't afford this every day.
I refuse to get up earlier than 6 so I leave with wet hair every morning, as I don't have time to blow dry it.
I usually get home at 6:15pm,sometimes 5:30 if I leave earlier. However I tutor 2 evenings a week which means I get home at about 7:15 ish.
Honestly i'm just shattered. Live on my own and don't really cook anything complicated, and I just want to crash in front of the TV.
I manage a 2k run one night im back early, but otherwise my exercise is done Friday-Sunday mainly, as well as my cleaning and anything else.
I catch up on sleep on the weekends and I just couldn't imagine having a relationship as i'm too tired and busy.
I know I don't have kids, and l'm only 28 so not sure it's normal to be so tired.
I need to pass my test as the quality of life would improve significantly if I had a car.
I live in a big city, yet buses tend to take longer routes and stop constantly. What takes 20 minutes in a car takes an hour on a bus here, it's just ridiculous.

How do other people get on ? Is this a normal feeling ?

I'm the same as you but I don't have an intense job at all (I work 17 hours a week)! By 8pm I'm exhausted and just want to curl up with a book. I go out once a month in the evening with a group of friends. I always want to pull out and really have to force myself to go. It's ridiculous. I admire people who go out several nights a week.

teacher here too- can you do some of your 'jobs' that make you feel good on your commute? So reading, doing your nails, catching up with messages etc- that way it doesn't feel like annoying time and you can look forward to home being only about fun, no jobs? Or you cold treat yourself with a nice coffee and snack etc

I get the tired thing- but sometimes it's fine to go with it- as long as it's not a lifelong pattern- so you could ease into it- and think Winter is a time for cereal or toast for tea and early nights and wait for the spring to boost you a bit

If your hair is a Bob. Then you can get dressed and dry it in 1/2 hour. Just do your makeup on the train.
Also why do you live so far away from your school and the city centre.

And why do you live alone?
At 28 I would think a lovely big room in a carefully chosen shared house closer to everyone would be a lot better. Meet new people etc. I know a lot of people are introverts. But I have to say if you’re an introvert I’m not sure teaching challenging children is the best job for you.
And if you’re not an introvert then shake it up a bit! Change your lifestyle so that you’re out and about.

You are 28 not 68

You're spending 12.5 hours a week commuting...no wonder you're tired. Are you renting? Could you relocate? Get a roommate and quit the tutoring? Commuting is a killer, that's where I'd start.

I'm 28, am out of the house the same amount of time as you (but because I work longer hours, not commute that long) and also work a bit evenigns and weekends but I don't feel as tired as you report. I go to French class on Thursdays, book club once a month on Tuesdays, then may go to the pub once or twice a week. 1 DC and pregnant with number two. Also echo posters who say check your vitamin intake!

aroundtheworldyet what's wrong with living alone in your 20s?

I've started a finance grad scheme and do the exact same thing. I find my job so stressful that by 5:30 I am too physically and mentally tired to do anything. It's really affecting my relationships.

I'm usually home by 7 and in bed by 11:30 in order to get up for 6. Can't imagine what it would be like to have a family.

I really feel like I'm wasting my young years. I try to make my weekends special but that just makes them fly by!

Also, booking weekends away make me feel a little less depressed.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living alone in your 20’s. The idea of a house share would have horrified me equally in my 20’s as it does now in my 30’s- eurgh! There’s also nothing wrong with going home and crashing most weekday nights after work so long as OP is social at the weekends. (Otherwise yes, one is effectively a hermit) I do think to arrange dinner out once a fortnight with a friend after work would be nice. I’d bring hair straighteners / make up to work and then go straight from work (do some marking or whatever at school after work if you can’t meet up til 7 or whatever) you’d probably be home by 10.30 and in bed by 11 so not too bad time wise.

I also 100% agree with booking an intensive driving course for the Easter holidays and just getting it done!

I think you sound depressed and in a rut. You're young and in the prime of your life and you should be out and about having fun!

Perhaps teaching is not the right choice for you? Or perhaps you need to re-think the type of school you are working in. maybe challenging students are too much?

At 28 I was working and studying and out a LOT and also met my now DH that year and maintained a long distance relationship for nearly a year and ultimately relocated to the city he lived in as a fantastic job opportunity came up there.

I travelled with friends as often as possible and then with dh.

I would have thought nothing of working by day, studying for my M.Litt by night / day off and heading off on a train after work on Friday, 3 hour journey to see Dh, party and socialise all weekend and get a 5.30am / 6am train back to my city for work on Monday morning at 9.30am.

Life is passing you by and you will wake up at 39 and nothing will have changed for you.

Grab life and live it as much as you can. If you want a partner and perhaps a family NOW is the time to prioritise that and get out there and make it happen!

I am now late 40's, married with a teen and work full time in a demanding, most senior role in my organisation. Most weeks work requires me to attend social events at least one evening and we are out late (9.30pm) another evening due to dc sport. And I regularly meet friends for wine / dinner / theatre too.

The older I get the more I realise how important it is to make time for yourself and maintain friendships as they are what sustain you in tough times and celebrate with you in good.

Agree with booking an intensive course and just pass your driving test.

And then have a bit of think about what you actually want.

It sounds like you need some changes, this can't be sustainable?

And I was out loads in my 20s, night classes, walking groups, climbing and just out with mates - people of the same age all doing different jobs. Also travelled a lot!

It was a laugh.

Can you car pool?

Tbh you really shouldn't be so tired. I'd say your diet needs looking at. And use the commute home to relax.

Dry shampoo is your friend.

I'm up at 6, out for 7 every day. Work in a job that's a mix of fast paced, manual, technical and salesy.

I'm no where near as exhausted as you, but I eat quite well. And every few months I'll have a weekend where we do the minimum we can. But generally, even when I was studying whilst working with young kids, I wasn't that tired unless my diet was fucked/I was ill.

Don't be confused with habit Vs exhaustion. At the moment it's likely you're just in the habit of doing nothing which makes you feel tired.

Here get up at half 5 leave at 6 to drive an hour to an hour and a half ecah day to work. Lucky have flexi time. Things i do to make it easier is prepare breakfast and lunch night before, eat my breakfast when get into work. Clothes laid out night before. I have a cleaner now (Best money ever spend) means can rest at weekend. When weather better will get out to exercise more (Have a dog which needs to be wlaked every day) there is no need to wash your hair every day, use dry shampoo and get into the habit of washing your hair every second or third day. You will find that your hair will not get as greasy then as time goes on. Wash and dry at night time aswell. You wil find as other poeple most are in the same boat and just have tips and tricks to help them.

I was a young teacher like you once, it never entered my mind to think of my commute in terms of time, but it used to be bus, train and walk. I expect I did it without much though.
Difference is I did learn to drive and got myself a little banger. You know you need to do this, even if it means getting out a loan, imagine the difference it would make to your life.
I also used to go out clubbing in the week until the clubs closed and really suffered in work the next day, then do it all again at the weekend with fellow teachers.
So, yes I think you are unusually tired for your age and maybe a little down.

Some good advice here. I remember feeling like that at your age and not liking how life ahead looked (more of the same) so I made changes- learnt to drive (arranged with instructor so that the lesson was pick up at home and end lesson at work or vice versa which meant that I didn’t need to carve out time for lessons) then first I moved away then moved down under, realised that long term the life/work balance in UK cities was unsustainable for me, got an equivalent level job there which was much easier & better hours (job ended at 4 everyday) got a social life again, learned some new skills including a sports , met lots of new friends and a partner. I think you shouldn’t ignore your feelings here as they may be worth acting on to make changes for the better.

I swear by the supplement Floradix it really helps give me an extra boost when i'm feeling tired / run down.

Good luck in your driving test! I'm sure like will be more manageable. I would be lost without my car

You’re home at 5.30 sometimes though which is really early. Lots of people don’t get home til 8pm or later.

That’s no way to be living in your twenties. Maybe look at alternative careers. Teaching is not a long term career anymore. Burnout is common.

People’s energy levels are different, I was full of beans in my twenties. Had a longish commute across Birmingham which was hellish, swam three times a week, out every weekend and often to London as my childhood friends lived there. However I think that being cheated on has made you down, I’m not saying seriously depressed but it would affect you. It will take up headspace even if it’s in the back of your mind.

I ate well and always a lot of veg and fruit and the being too tired to exercise sort of makes you more tired. You also don’t need to wash your hair every day, mine is better washed three times a week.

On my commute I used to listen to music on my Walkman and read, Mobile phones were a rarity and WiFi didn’t exist :). I also spent some time if I caught any guy looking at me giving them hard Paddington stares. I had also had a bad relationship break up so was in a man hating stage.

I'd move closer to work / city centre and scrap the driving tbh!

I used to live out further and drive to work - the cost of the car, petrol, insurance, tax was crazy

I got rid of the car and moved in closer to the city - my rent is a good bit more but it is still cheaper than running a car - can be in work on the bus in 35 mins - or can cycle it in 20mins!

Feel like I got my life back tbh - if I want to go for a drink after work I can and then I can hop on the bus after and still be home at a reasonable time!

I think you are in a bit of a rut tbh - you sound a bit down and doesn't seem like you have much of a life outside of work - you need to make some changes and make your life more enjoyable x

I’m a teacher but also oversee our trainees and NQTs... Schools now have an obligation to reduce teacher workload (Ofsted, attempting to retain more teachers) and theoretically should be making changes to things like their marking policies. Are you doing too much marking? What is the school policy/your dept policy and also is there anyway you can move towards more self and peer assessment? We are encouraging giving verbal feedback in class and students record this using green pens... saves a loooot of time! Do you have marking grids etc so you aren’t writing out same comments every time? This is really worth looking into :)

Also, do you need to stay so late after the school day has finished? Is this expected? Sometimes it feels better just to get home earlier. Agree with everyone else to prioritise passing your driving test - go all out!

Teaching is exhausting, it does get easier but the challenging behaviour is always tough. I started going to the gym in the morning 3x a week last year and it made such a difference, I wouldn’t have made it through the year without - I chose one on my way to work, arrived at 6am, one hour exercise, and then thirty mins to shower and dry hair. Still got to work before 8 so didn’t impact on my day. Diet, equally... sustaining lunches (I do a big batch of roast veg with quinoa and feta for the week and it stops me flagging in the afternoons), nice healthy snacks... cannot emphasise how important these are. Your self-care is so important here, so prioritise any activity that helps you reclaim time.. and make sure you are getting enough sleep during the week :)

Please try to get some strategies in place now, don’t leave it until later down the line... We need committed MFL teachers, even more so with current political climate. You are a really important asset to your school and those kids so look after yourself :)

Agree with others, if I were you I'd:

• book onto an intensive driving course for Feb half term (if you can afford it, I know they're pricier but it'll just be done, and if you're already knackered after work you won't want to be doing driving lessons in the evenings)

• stick some better snacks in your pockets – nuts, fruit, dark chocolate

• batch cook on a Sunday or use a slow cooker so dinner's ready when you get in, or just have easy dinners – beans on toast or a jacket potato shoved in the microwave. If you are batch cooking, sit down to plan meals that incorporate your five a day. If your diet currently isn't great you'll almost certainly notice a positive difference in energy and mood

• I hear you on the hair, mine's really fine but I shower and wash it the night before because sleep is precious! I just tidy it in the morning

• invite friends (if they drive) over for dinner in the week. Could just be pizza and salad, whatever's easy, but seeing people massively lifts my mood and gives me energy, even when I feel like I can't be bothered

• Know that January sucks. Do you get out more in the summer? It is hard to motivate yourself on dark evenings.

Thanks, everyone has been so helpful !
💐💐

Great news, I think i've found a liftshare option which will allow me an extra 15 mins in bed in the morning (it helps !)

I'm similar. I always find it odd when someone says to me at work "what are you doing tonight?" My answer is: flop on sofa, eat dinner, clear up, piss about on the internet. Other people say things (on like a random Tuesday) like "oh I'm going to the cinema/out for dinner/gym".

I also need A WHOLE DAY on the weekend where I stay in. Saturday is my hibernation and laundry day.

I'm perfectly happy. I would feel stifled if I had a family and/or THINGS in my diary eg the merry-go-round of kids parties/activities.