Sorry this will be more of a rant. Apologies in advance as it'll be a long one and thank you for reading and giving your advice if you managed to get to the end.
Background story: My mother literally drives me insane. I've really never had a close relationship with her as much as I try I find it really hard to even have a full conversation with her. I lived with my grandparents until about 7 when my parents moved to another country, I love my grandparents dearly and have a huge respect for them. Since moving in with my mother as a child it's been tough. I lived with depression as far back as I can remember and when I was a teen things got so bad that the only way to escape the emotional turmoil inside was to self harm. At the time it was my only coping mechanism. Eventually I managed to get help through counselling and medication and overcame it though the depression never left me it became manageable. At 20 I moved out and I honestly say that a heavy load had finally been lifted off me and I can finally breath easier because I wasn't under the same roof as my mother, she couldn't control me anymore, couldn't dictate to me what I should and shouldn't do. I was brought up on corporal punishment by my mother, hit with belt, flip flops but slapped and spanked mostly, belts and shoes where rarely used.
My mother is a control freak and a narcissist, an example when I was 19 I went to dinner with my then boyfriend and she locked me out so I couldn't get in the house, I was home at around 11pm so it really wasn't that late but she had the hump that I went out in the first place she wanted me at home all day on my day off so she could control me even though I had a full time job then. Just to get away from her at the time I worked 80+ hours a week for months on end and ended up making myself ill and ended up in the hospital. She's the most negative person I know and will literally find a negative in any positive situation as an example we took our children to the beach for the first time this year and I sent her a video of him running away from the waves so happy on the beach and the first thing she asks was if he was cold, did he have suncream on, it was above 30 degrees and of course they had suncream. I don't understand why she can't she just say he looks like he's enjoying himself rather than negativity and it is always the same with everything else when it comes to my children it's always a negative comment and never a positive comment. She criticises everything and everyone and it's just so draining to have to listen to her. I'm over 30 now and have my own children and when we do visit she takes over with my children and again criticises, an example instead of asking me or my childrens father she asks my father to take care of them if she leaves the room. My children have survived 3 years with us, I think we doing alright. My father is the complete opposite, he's the most chilled out person I know and I honestly think he's become used to her antics and just tunes her out and ignores her, she has this annoying habit of talking to herself loudly like she's having a conversation with another person and basically says exactly what she's thinking.
The Now: So we live about an hour away from both set of parents so it's not like we are around the corner to visit. I did have a good job and quit to look after my first when he was born so I'm currently at home. My husband works most of the time 6 days aweek and this month he's working 14 days in a row twice, he won't get a day off, he has two jobs and we have one car and when he's not working we either have pre arrangements or he's so tired he just wants to relax at home and she's aware of all of this. I made the effort, not for my benefit but so my children could see their grandparents and spent a Sunday two weeks ago from 9am to 9pm at their house while my husband was working for part of the day. Last Friday I was really busy and she texted me about 8pm, I didn't get a chance to reply because I was sorting kids out and next day I genuinely completely forgot to reply and about 12pm I receive another text saying 'thanks for the reply'. I did call her back a short while after and she was just really sarky and miserable. Again very draining to have to listen to her.
Then yesterday I tried to call via video so she could see children but didn't answer so I voice called her instead and again she was just so miserable and moody and she just started having a go at me for not seeing children in two weeks, 'ITS BEEN BLOODY TWO WEEKS!!! For not video calling..I'm sorry but I don't always have time to spent up to an hour chasing the kids so she can see what they are doing. For never going to visit...we were there two weeks ago. We go a lot longer without seeing my husbands parents or speaking to them!! I can probably count on one hand the amount of times they have come to visit us and we've been at this house 3 years. Her argument for not visiting us more because they are always working and it's a long way yet she expects us to go to her regularly. Baring in mind my husband works crazy hours, we have young children and I'm currently 6 months pregnant so it'd be far easier for my parents to come to us, she doesn't drive so is reliant on my father. For never answering my phone, my phone is always on silent because of the children and she knows that but I do call back missed calls, in reference to that I can't remember the last time she actually called me probably before Christmas but she has a moan at me for not calling her even though I call atleast once a week or video call. For not answering her text message, I'm sorry but I was busy and then I completely forgot.
There is no three dimensional world, it's either black or white for her she doesn't see that the world doesn't revolve around her. It's basically her way and screw everyone else it doesn't matter what's happening in our lives, how tired we are or my explanation, even though I don't have to give one it isn't really taken into account. I'm 6 month's pregnant I really can do without the added stress from her.
So AIBU here? Anyone else out there with crazy psychotic mothers or MILs. How did you handle them?