*trigger warning* sex offender, report to social services?

[liverbirdie8]

Named changed for this as very outing.

Here are the facts. A close family member met a man on holiday. She was with her toddler child. Instantly in a relationship and pregnant the first week they met. She's now 17weeks.

It's come to light the man was convicted of an extremely brutal rape of an elderly woman. He served his sentence and is on the sex offenders register. The offence happened over 10 years ago. (Apologies, I'm trying to be vague as it's extremely identifying)

AIBU in reporting this to SS? Man goes by a pseudonym these days but offence has been confirmed, it was definitely him.

Either family member does not know his history or knows and doesn't care. I know the conviction was not against a child but surely this is not a person suitable to be around her young child??

What would you do?

How did you find out? Are you SURE? Won't you tell the family member?

Yes absolutely you need to report this to social services.

I'd report 100% and made sure that the pregnant family member knew.

If I read correctly the family member might not be aware of his past. I would start with informing her and let her make a decision regarding his involvement with the children ( personally if I found out something like that about a guy I had only just started dating I would run for the hills).
Given the previous crime had nothing to do with a child I'm unsure what ss would do but might be worth a phone call to say you are concerned.

100% sure. Can't detail but newspaper reports and confirmed by HIS family member.

Yes report

That might be what he was convicted for but there maybe other concerns and around his past behaviour

Sex offenders are always dangerous people to be around and often anyone who is vulnerable old, young, men,
women and children will be their target and become their victims

I would go to SS, yes. I would also tell the family member if she doesn't know, but don't expect to be listened to.

Bear in mind she is at much at risk as her child(ren) are - the previous (known - there will be many unknown offences) assault was against an adult.

Don't be a bystander. Child protection is everyone's responsibility. Call social services.

She is already his victim I doubt she would believe you he will have already spun a sob story

She has a child that needs protecting she has made choices that has put her child in danger even if unknowingly please report to SS they will support her if she does the right thing to protect her child and baby she is pregnant with

You absolutely must report this, and consider telling her aswell.

So this is a grown adult woman and rather than let her make her own decisions about her life you’re going to go to an outside agency first ? I’d never speak to you again if you did that. Tell her of course. If she doesn’t get rid or believe you then fair enough let other people help her to come to the right decision but give her the opportunity

You need to speak to her first. Why do you assume she won't get rid of him the minute you tell her?
If she doesn't do the right thing then consider contacting outside agencies.

You shouldn't even need to ask.

And phone 101 and ask to speak to someone from Sex Offender Management Unit (different forces have different names for it but they'll know what you mean). He might well have conditions in that he has to notify them of all new relationships and they'll need to brief her face to face.

It's a case of shooting the messenger here unfortunately. Without detailing, her life choices have been questionable in the past. She has convictions herself for violent offences. I'm absolutely concerned she's setting herself up to be a victim herself here though. Pregnant before she got to know him and now at a very vulnerable time in her life when a new boyfriend is going to be on best behaviour, I don't imagine she'd listen.

She might be a grown woman but her child is at risk and her child needs protecting SS may already be aware

He will be an extremely manipulative person he has a history of violence do you really think she can just tell him it’s over and that he will walk away

I can guarantee he has already sold her a sob story she is already influenced by him he sought her out - that is who he is he is a violent rapist and it’s highly unlikely the offence he was convicted for is his only offence

Oh my god - that's a disgusting crime and massive grounds for concern. Why the hell do we let these people out of prison ?!?!?

100% you should report to SS and the police as @BobbyBlueCat suggests. Frankly I would talk to her direct as well - she may not know, or she may have heard a highly distorted version of events.

And she's pregnant. I'm so sorry OP, this is just awful. Anything less than cutting him out of her and the child's life completely is not good enough; as other posters have mentioned these kind of sick fucks might be capable of anything and it is not worth the risk - anyone who wants to stick up for the "rights" of a man like this to see his child can frankly get to f*ck. He lost any right to be considered a human being when he did that to that poor woman.

This isn't about the woman. It doesn't matter if she's a grown adult. This is about the protection of a child.

Yes, people can make bad choices in life, but this must never be at the detriment of a child's safety.

If you are not sure if she knows you can do a Clares law request on your local police forces website with all the detail you know then the police will go and inform her of his past in person

That's my feeling on it. I don't think that kind of crime is a first offence, nor that he's done nothing since. The name changes alone suggest there is more to be revealed. Whilst I absolutely sympathise about falling for the wrong man (been there, done that) I cannot imagine this ending well for anyone, least of all the small child involved and the unborn.

I worry that if a family member is the one to raise this with her, we all risk being cut off by her, leaving her and the little ones further vulnerable to him. Whereas if SS intervene and contact, she'll be given an unbiased picture and not blame us for being unsupportive of her fairytale ending if that makes sense?

Ultimately the children involved are the priority here. Whether or not the crime was against an adult, it's clear this man is dangerous.

I don't think that kind of crime is a first offence, nor that he's done nothing since.

It most definitely isn't. Nobody wakes up one day as a law-abiding citizen and suddenly decides to commit a violent rape. He will have been escalating, both in rape and in violence, for some time beforehand and he almost certainly won't stop. He is a predator.

Definitely report. No question.

In fact if something happened and it emerged that you did know but didn't say anything, you could find yourself prosecuted.

I don’t think that the children are at any extra risk of sexual abuse because rapists of adults and paedophiles are not the same kind of beast. However, rape is also a violent crime, so I’d be worried about physical child abuse from both parents.

I’m sure SS already knows he is a violent sex offender and that she is a violent offender. I would definitely SS and highlight the potential for child abuse is very high with two such parents.

@plandaraccordement.

Of course they're the same: vile men looking for vulnerable people to abuse.

Jimmy Savile is just one grim high profile example.

If abuse of animals can be linked to paedophilia and domestic violence, and if there is also a link between the latter two, (which there is) there will also be an increased risk from this individual.

I work in child based social care - I would absolutely want to have this information. Hopefully he’s already on the their local teams radar but people do slip through the cracks if they are determined to. I would inform SA where you are today if poss.