*trigger warning* sex offender, report to social services?

[liverbirdie8]

Named changed for this as very outing.

Here are the facts. A close family member met a man on holiday. She was with her toddler child. Instantly in a relationship and pregnant the first week they met. She's now 17weeks.

It's come to light the man was convicted of an extremely brutal rape of an elderly woman. He served his sentence and is on the sex offenders register. The offence happened over 10 years ago. (Apologies, I'm trying to be vague as it's extremely identifying)

AIBU in reporting this to SS? Man goes by a pseudonym these days but offence has been confirmed, it was definitely him.

Either family member does not know his history or knows and doesn't care. I know the conviction was not against a child but surely this is not a person suitable to be around her young child??

What would you do?

SS*

@rufflecrow
What I’m trying to say is that paedophiles and adult rapists have different psychological profiles. An adult rapist is not more likely to also be a paedophile and vice versa. They’ve never been linked, unlike torturing animals and domestic abuse.
I did note that there is increased risk of physical child abuse which you have mentioned as domestic abuse.

@plandaraccordement

Yes they are so often the same types of beast how can you come to the conclusion that because he raped an adult (vulnerable adult) that the children are ar no extra risk to him

Sex offences are not always sexually motivated (as in attraction to the person they abuse/rape) it’s about power

An old person is vulnerable many sex offenders will pick any age either sex it’s irrelevant

Children are vulnerable around all sex offenders

paedophiles have a sexual attraction to children

Sex offenders rape and abuse children, women, men

You are talking bollocks

how can you come to the conclusion that because he raped an adult (vulnerable adult) that the children are ar no extra risk to him

But that was not my conclusion? I specifically said the children are at a very high risk of child abuse due to both parents being violent offenders.

Surely arguing over whether someone who will rape an older person is a danger to a child is a moot point. The fact is, he committed a heinous crime, and there's no way I'd want to be associated with him regardless.

It's a case of shooting the messenger here unfortunately. Without detailing, her life choices have been questionable in the past. She has convictions herself for violent offences. I'm absolutely concerned she's setting herself up to be a victim herself here though. Pregnant before she got to know him and now at a very vulnerable time in her life when a new boyfriend is going to be on best behaviour, I don't imagine she'd listen.

In this case I think you have to go ahead so you can protect the children.

What I’m trying to say is that paedophiles and adult rapists have different psychological profiles

The majority of sexual abuse of children is not carried out by paedophiles. It's carried out by people who are preferentially sexually attracted to adults, but abuse children because they are vulnerable and available. Nor did this man rape an elderly person because he is preferentially sexually attracted to the elderly. He did it because elderly people are vulnerable and he could.

A sexual predator definitely constitutes a high risk to both the woman and her child.

@soontobe
Exactly! And for the record, I did say he is a danger to the children.

How can people argue that this man might be ok to be around a child?? Ffs he's a violent rapist!!

The majority of sexual abuse of children is not carried out by paedophiles. It's carried out by people who are preferentially sexually attracted to adults, but abuse children because they are vulnerable and available.

I was not aware of this. Do you have a source for this so I can be more up to date? I thought most child sex abuse was done by paedophiles.

I don’t think that the children are at any extra risk of sexual abuse because rapists of adults and paedophiles are not the same kind of beast

Your psychological profiling is nonsense.

Sex offenders have committed a crime of a sexual nature against either a child or adult. a rapist of adult women would never ever be considered to be safe around children not just in consideration for violence but for sexual abuse too. The attraction for many is the power they have over the person they have raped/sexually abused

A paedophile is someone who is attracted to children (likely also to be attracted to adults) and is more than likely to be attracted by vulnerability but they may not act on this

HTH

He isn’t safe to be around children. Hopefully the conditions he is under will prevent him being but sometimes that isn’t the case (poor judgement/others slip through the net)

Please don’t nitpick
I was just trying to say that a rapist is not necessarily going to also be a paedophile like some posters were implying. I was not at all saying he would be safe around any children. Please don’t quote me out of context:
I don’t think that the children are at any extra risk of sexual abuse because rapists of adults and paedophiles are not the same kind of beast. However, rape is also a violent crime, so I’d be worried about physical child abuse from both parents.

I’m sure SS already knows he is a violent sex offender and that she is a violent offender. I would definitely SS and highlight the potential for child abuse is very high with two such parents

If you are going to use terms like psychological profiling on such a serious subject to appear as though you have an understanding of the matter then expect to be pulled up when you are wrong

There is plenty on the internet about sex offenders, child sex offenders etc it’s difficult reading

Thank you all. I appreciate your comments.

You need to tell SS. For once it’s quite clear-cut.

Enthusiasm.
appear as though you have an understanding of the matter then expect to be pulled up when you are wrong

I have first hand understanding thank you. Im not sure what I’ve said that was so wrong. Why not “pull up” a poster who has advised not to call SS than pick on my reasoning for calling SS?

Ignore the derailement about whether rapists are paedophiles and vice versa, OP, and call childrens services. Let them decide what's a risk and what's not. That's their job.

Rightly or wrongly, I made the referral. There can never be a positive outcome from something so serious as this, but hopefully both little ones are protected this way, thanks again for all your help xxx

I think you made the right decision. Your friend won't thank you for it (if she finds out its you) but the child would.

He would have to tell the police he was in a new relationship with a child surely? Wouldn't that be a condition of being on the sex register? Makes me feel sick why he is on it. Hopefully your family member puts the children first and leaves! Or if she has a violent criminal past then maybe best for the children to be removed if she doesn't leave him.

@liverbirdie8 you must also make sure you tell the Police's sex offender management unit.
PLEASE don't wait for Social Services to 'maybe' get around to doing it. If he's not already informed them, he's breached his conditions and it's a quick and easy arrest. Problem solved.

@bobbybluecat is right, agencies are overstretched and the chance can't be taken that it might get missed. Hopefully he's straight back to jail where he belongs. Ugh.

She may not react badly.
In the past, her choices have been her own to make, and only she has had to suffer the consequences.
Now she is pregnant.
She may very well act differently

I think you owe it to her to let her try to sort this herself. If she doesnt, of course, then report.
Tell her that her choices are her own business, but that ss may well take a different view, and she is risking having her child taken from her minutes after she gives birth if she doesnt give the boyfriend up

Well done for reporting and doing it promptly.