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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I unreasonable?? (MIL thread sorry!)

54 replies

WhatIsThisFreshHell · 15/01/2020 19:28

Looking for a sounding board as starting to feel I’ve lost the plot. Hit me with your YABUs if I deserve them!!

I have had an alright relationship with my MIL for many years. We’re not close, mostly just through being very different, but we manage to rub along ok.

Recently I had an event at my house. All family there, many family friends also. MIL started loudly and pointedly talking about another person who was present at the event and not just in the room at the time but actually sat very close to her (easily within earshot). Things like ‘and I can’t stand him either, so stuck up’.

I overheard (from my position much further away than the - absolutely lovely - person being openly discussed) and was shocked. I asked her to help me in the other room, and (mildly given the event occurring) read the riot act. As in, no drama no anger but, very clearly said - MIL this is my home, these are my guests and good friends, please stop immediately as what you're doing to them is incredibly rude.

Was vvv sure I was NOT BU. Husband totally on my side, as ever (he’s a keeper 😉).

MIL subsequently said sorry - kind of - and I said let’s forget it, it’s done now, it’ll not be tolerated in my house again, but it’s certainly not worth the family falling out over.

But NOW despite that MIL has taken a huff. And has also managed to convince BIL that she’s been treated appallingly- as a result HE is not talking to either myself or my husband.

Was I wrong to react this way?

YANBU- it’s not on, and why should guests in your home be subjected to such hurtful rudeness unchallenged
YABU- you should have let it go or dealt with it differently, this was poorly done.

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 16/01/2020 17:16

Is the person that she was rude about someone that she feels is 'hers' (i.e a relative or 'friend' of hers) and therefore not your place to interfere with what she has to say about them?

Not that I disagree with you, it's totally not on to go to someone else's gathering and start badmouthing their other guests, whatever you think of them.

TruculentandFarty · 16/01/2020 17:22

Let BIL ignore you with no comment. If someone is giving someone else the cold shoulder, the most annoying thing ever is if they appear to not notice or care.

I wouldn't invite MIL, at least in the short term. Let her offer the olive branch.

WhatIsThisFreshHell · 16/01/2020 18:07

@SleepWarrior no, it’s someone she knows really only in passing, and only through me. Definitely not ‘her’ friend/family. Also to answer another poster, because of this I am very sure there’s no backstory of falling out between them. They’ve never been together except for with me present.

Thanks all, I feel much reassured by the general consensus that I wasn’t behaving outrageously!

OP posts:
Highonpotandused · 16/01/2020 18:18

I wouldn’t go running after BIL and MIL. Let them wallow in their self-righteousness.

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