AIBU Turning a blind eye to a ‘friend’ (an escort who could potentially end up exposing hundreds of clients)?

[JennyFromLondon]

First time poster, please be gentle. I was actually gonna join a few weeks ago didn't go ahead with it. Its just such a weird situation and I haven't shared it with anyone else. Nonetheless I’ve lurked here long enough to know that some may question why I’m providing so much detail but its just so hard to sum up in a few sentences..

So I have this ‘friend’ from way back who I’ve known since from Sixth Form (quotation marks as she’s not particularly close to me). We used to hang out in the same circle of school-friends, where she was known as a wild child even then, eventually dabbling in drugs like cocaine in her early 20s. We’re now both in our 30s.

All of us (our circle of friends that is) knew that was also into escorting/prostitution (whatever you wish to call it). The rest of our friends moved on with their lives dispersing across the UK and abroad but me and her remained in London and stayed in touch albeit intermittently.

I’ve never really pried into ‘her working life’ as such, as I consider it her private matter and its none of her business, and we haven't really discussed it much. I know her working name and that she has a profile on an escorting site but that's it. Whenever we’ve had a conversation about her work, she's the one who has initiated it. I suppose she sees me as someone she can open up to from time to time, as she has no real friends.

We only meet once every few months so I can’t claim to know her well, I mean, there is probably a lot I don’t know. But during the past few years she's mentioned on more than one occasion how she hates her job yet loves the money and can't break free of this. She also told me how she's come to despite her clients many of whom are married. One time she even fell out with some on some reviews site, though I don’t know any more details about it.

I normally meet her at a coffee shop or at her place in the City. The last meeting was at her place and it was here she joked that she wanted to show me something that she hadn't shown anyone else. She got her laptop and showed me files that were full of pics and vids labelled ‘January Clients,’ ‘February Clients’ and so on and quite meticulously organized. I thought it was her work rota or something, but she then played one of the videos and it was a guy walking into a bedroom handing her an envelope. The footage was very clear so I knew it was her. She asked me if I recognized the room and suddenly it dawned on me it was the same bedroom we were standing in!

I thought it was something to do with camming, and this is when she told me these were actually pics and vids of her meeting all her clients from the past 3 years. Initially it was cos of security (she works alone) but she just carried on doing it. i honestly didn't know what to say..!?

She then told me she had starting thinking about finding a buyer for all this content or somehow monetizing it herself by building a new website. She seemed utterly oblivious to the fact that none of these guys had consented to be filmed and most of them would probably be in a lot of shit if they got found out! Then again its possible she was partly doing this out of spite, I don't know.

I didn't confront her as such but did tell her how weird it all was and left it at that. The thing is I'm pretty certain she's doing the same to more unsuspecting clients as her Adultwork (escorting site) profile showed she logged in the same day when I checked last week. I feel so bad for her clients and its so scary that she has so much stuff on them without their knowledge.

She texted me afterwards asking if I was okay and said she was worried she has shown me too much but I said it was okay. She texted me again that same evening saying please not to tell anyone and saying that maybe it had been a bad idea to tell me all that but I said not to worry. Last week I got another text from her asking me if I'd told anyone but she never texts this way after we meet up. I reassured her that I hadn't told anyone but I’m thinking of just cutting off the relationship and never speaking to her again after this. She clearly needs help but PROFESSIONAL HELP. Part of me feels sorry for her as she’s clearly alone with no-one to talk to and maybe if she had had regular friends she wouldn’t have ended up being so weird.

Thanks guys

I'm shocked that you seem more concerned for these repugnant men than you do for your mate. They deserve all they get.

My concern would be her state of mind, she is obviously in a very bad place to be contemplating something so toxic and risky. And as others have said she could fall foul of blackmail and revenge porn laws.. I would be encouraging her to visit her GP or point her in the direction of a women's rights organisation, she needs help bless her.

You don't seem much of a friend and are rather judgemental of her.

And how long do you expect it will take for you to get messages from tabloid muckrakers expressing interest in these 'revelations'?

Or is this just to fill the usual Daily Venom MN slot when Reddit doesn't provide enough material?

Jenny for godsake keep your distance from this woman. She sounds like a hand grenade about to go off. Blackmail is illegal, and carries heavy penalties. If she's planning a pay-to-view porn site without her clients' consent (which she's unlikely to get), she is putting herself at risk of violent revenge. Nothing about this sounds good.

^This. Whilst I don’t have any care for the men involved in this situation, your friend really is no better than them. I would keep my distance from here.

Saying she needs professional help and then calling her weird just doesn't sit well with me.

There is some really good advice here and I really do appreciate everyone's input. Sorry if it came out like I'm not concerned about her, I really am, but at the end of the day she needs proper help not someone like me who is not trained in stuff like this. She clearly been through some rough stuff, but I don't want to be condescending as the fact is I hardly ever see her. At the end of the day I'm not even sure how she'd take it, she can be very unpredictable at times. This is why I think that maybe its best if I just walk away from the situation. I could just tell her that I was uncomfortable that day about her involving me in her work stuff and wanna take a step back. But maybe the best thing is to say nothing.

Re your questions - would this actually be classed as blackmail though? I mean, she is just using footage she has secretly filmed and technically if she's doing it to make money would it be classed as revenge porn or blackmail? I thought blackmail would be more trying to extract money from the person you've filmed etc. Yes it did cross my mind its a potentially dangerous situation if any of her clients find out, but this is what I mean. She's a bit not right and not thinking of everything. Maybe I should've stayed and advised her more but I just wanted to be out of there tbh, I was so weirded out

Oh and someone asked if it was just footage of someone handing payment how could you monetize it but what I'm pretty sure its footage of the whole meeting as the video clip was actually 1 hour long and she only showed me a few minutes before she closed it

It's a very dangerous situation for her. She has no idea what those men are capable of.

A man who is single who finds that footage could easily go to the police - why wouldn't he?

If a married man found the footage he could do a number of things, one of which is to hurt her really badly.

None of this is your problem. Her "clients" knew they were playing with fire when they got involved with her. She sounds like a nasty piece of work too, very calculating. If it was me I wouldn't want friends like her. Do yourself a favour and walk away from the whole sorry mess.

I don’t really care about her clients, they’re subhuman scum as far as I’m concerned but she should be careful doing anything with those videos because she could get herself in a lot of trouble, I’m sure men who pay to have sex with women wouldn’t be above beating a woman up either.

It's an idea that could easily get your friend murdered. You too, potentially, if the murderer had reason to fear that you'd seen him on her laptop. Depends how ruthless he is.

Your friend cannot distribute the videos without the consent of the people she has filmed. However, she can continue to film her visitors.

Reassure her that you aren't going to tell anyone; I think she's vulnerable and worried that you're judging her career choices. But, also tell her that you've read that she would need her clients to sign a media disclosure if she wanted to legally monetise the videos.

I don’t understand why everyone’s making out her clients as awful people. Many people use escorting services who are single, in open relationships etc. No one deserves to have revenge porn leaked and although OPs friend appears damaged and in dire need of help, it’s still 100% wrong what she will be doing. Disgusting actually.

I'm a sex worker. I've been handed money in an envelope about 3 times in ten years, most men just hand me cash. This is one of the many things that people who know nothing about sex work think happen, but actually it's not common.

I don't do anything illegal or immoral, like blackmail, but if I did I can't imagine I would tell a random person who I don't know very well and show them video proof of it!

Meh. If those men don’t want to be publicly exposed as participating in the exploitation of women, they could try not participating in the exploitation of women. I hope your friend stays safe.

I feel sorry for her and I think the recording is quite a good idea for her safety BUT I don't agree with the blackmail. Saying that I've no sympathy for the men.

Struggling to understand why she singled you out to blab her highly dangerous secrets to.

Blackmail is illegal

Revenge porn which this may be classed as is also illegal.

Both of them are motives for violence or worse.

I'd just point out the above and tell her if she is planning on doing anything else with the footage other than keeping it for security purposes (not sure if there is GDPR implications with this as well if there is anything identifying on it???)you are worried about the implications for her. I dont think you can do much more than this

I have to say you are not coming across very well here op.
You have known her since school and see her every few months but you don;t really know her?!?
I am shocked that at no point did you even say that this seems like a dangerous idea. By all means walk away from this friendship if you want to but the very least you could do is explain that you are doing so because you were weirded out and you are worried that she might come to some harm if she goes through with her plan.
To ghost her with the thought she needs professional help would be rather weak and pathetic of you in my view.

I don't understand how you could meet up with someone every few months for, I'm guessing, 16+ years then say you're not friends and you don't really know them.