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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Posting for traffic - cat issue

32 replies

Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 14:32

Looking for some advice please! Have posted in litter tray but need responses!

Rehomed two cats 3 years ago, male and female.
Not related but had always loved together. Both had been done.

They were fine, but I noticed the female went into heat, every Tom cat in the vicinity on my doorstep like ‘the birds’, and my male was very stressed out and over grooming as a result.

Vet confirmed that it is not uncommon for a bit to be ‘missed’ and so in the end I had her ‘re-spayed’. No longer went into heat and she was happier, male cat more relaxed.

BUT ever since then they fight. Constantly. It’s him attacking her, and I mean attacking, it’s vicious. He chases her out and won’t let her back in. I started using Feliway and that has improved things to the point that they tolerate being in the same room now, though he will still go for her at least a couple of times a week and it’s worse if I’m not prompt with breakfast!

I assumed it was to do with maybe her scent being different now, and hoped it would improve with time.

But more recently he’s started to attack my kids. He has a spot on the sofa that he’s decided is his. If either of my kids (6 and 10) dare sit close then he bites and scratches.

They are not antagonising him in anyway, they dote on both cats, and treat them with respect.

I’m going to take him to the vets to make sure there’s nothing underlying going on of course, but is there anything else I can do? My girl cat stays out his way and makes the best of it, so I’ve let
it go on, but I can’t let him be aggressive with my kids just because he wants prime spot on the sofa. She is out most the time (avoiding him no doubt) but he stays in and is a typical lazy boy.

If would break my heart to have to regime him, but honestly that’s entered my head now (assuming it’s nothing medical) because he’s making everyone else’s lives miserable!

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 14:41

Sorry - AIBU to consider rehoming if there turns out to be no medical cause for this aggression?

OP posts:
ViaSacra · 15/01/2020 14:43

No, you would not be unreasonable. You’ve done your bear, clearly, but it doesn’t sound like these two cats are compatible.

The male cat probably needs to live in a house with no other cats and without small children.

ViaSacra · 15/01/2020 14:44

*your best

CSIblonde · 15/01/2020 14:50

Assuming it's not medical, he's gone into over drive territory wise (hence food aggression & sofa). Make a point of feeding him first well away from the other cat. Re the sofa, wipe a cosy fleece throw all over 'his' place so it smells of him then put it somewhere cosy & convenient & lead him there with treats so he's got a choice of somewhere nice with his scent. My cat will sleep anywhere if I do this, it worked to stop her using top of the wardrobe, which got covered in scratches from her jumping up there. She now has 'her' knackered wicker chair in a quiet corner which suits us all.

CSIblonde · 15/01/2020 14:54

Also, Google 'the Cat Daddy' Jackson Galaxy on getting aggressive cats to stop terrorising their humans & their fur 'sibling'. He's amazing.

Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 14:56

I’ll try the feeding separately thing for sure. I was reading on the cats protection that most cats only eat together because they aren’t given the option not to which makes sense!

Will try ‘moving’ him to a better spot as well.

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 15/01/2020 14:58

Get a cat play wand (the type with a feather) and play with them both a lot.

Watch My Cat From Hell on YouTube or Quest. Jackson (mentioned above) is in it.

2020cominatcha · 15/01/2020 14:59

Is he still overgrooming?

When one of my cats acts out it’s always been because of a medical problem (hyperthyroidism in one case) or because the other cat is sick. Cats can be really aggressive when they sense weakness.

Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 15:23

He stopped over grooming as soon as my female was re-spayed, which was about 18months+ ago

OP posts:
inwood · 15/01/2020 15:25

Has the Tim been neutered?

Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 15:27

Yes, he had already been done when I got him

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 15:36

Just read this on the Jackson Galaxy site - which totally fits the situation we had where he seemed to no longer know my female when she came back from being re-spayed.

Pod-cat aggression occurs when one cat has been out of the house, whether to the veterinarian, groomer, or other destination, and when he returns home, the other cat(s) act aggressively toward him. My theory is that, while cats rely primarily on vision to identify other cats, smell also plays a big role. When the returning cat looks the same but smells different (from shampoo, anesthesia, etc.), the conflict creates suspicion that he’s an alien, and must be driven out. (If you don’t get the reference, see the classic movie, Invasion of the Body Snatchers!) People also report success putting a drop of vanilla extract on all the cats; I haven’t tried it, but lots of folks swear by it. Temporary separation may solve the problem; but occasionally there needs to be a complete reintroduction.

OP posts:
Hobbesmanc · 15/01/2020 15:55

My boy cat suddenly started making his litter sister's life miserable for no obvious reason after a couple of years of happy coexistence. She totally withdrew, made herself sore with over self grooming and stopped engaging. She then refused to come home and in the end she moved in with an elderly neighbour who had no pets and was home all day.

We were really upset- and obviously it should have been him that moved out but it was just the way it worked out. He just won't tolerate any other cat nearby

Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 18:13

Thank you for everyone’s kind advice.

Sadly it’s no longer needed. The vet just called me to say he’d been bought in. I’m completely devastated 😭

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 15/01/2020 18:19

I'm so sorry OP. How awful. At least he had an owner loved him who though.

Tartyflette · 15/01/2020 18:19

Oh dear - was he in a road accident, OP?
So sorry for you and your family.

lunar1 · 15/01/2020 18:20

Oh no, I'm so sorry.

Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 18:31

The vet said he’d been hit by a car, we live very close to the vet and someone took him in. She said he’d already passed when he came in so she thinks it was quick. I’m very grateful someone picked him up and took him. He doesn’t roam far, it probably happened on our road, which is a quiet cul de sac so I don’t usually worry about them with cars that much.

I don’t know how to tell my kids. I just fed him and hour ago and gave him a big fuss 😢😢

Can’t believe he’s gone

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 18:32

Here he is, waiting for me to finish on the loo so I can get his breakfast!

Posting for traffic - cat issue
OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 18:35

He’s my first loss like this. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 15/01/2020 18:36

I’m going to the vets tomorrow to see him

OP posts:
lonelyonee · 15/01/2020 18:40

Awww @Rinoachicken so sorry for your loss SadThanks

Clymene · 15/01/2020 18:52

Oh I'm so sorry. My cat was hit by a car a couple of years ago and I was devastated. We made a little memorial in the garden for him. Not sure if that will help your children. Sad

CSIblonde · 15/01/2020 19:00

I'd second planting a little rose bush for him in the garden & tell them he's happy with all the the other pets in heaven . If they seem OK with you burying him & can grasp that without being scared or overly upset , go that route. Or you can get tiny little wooden boxes & urns for their ashes (Amazon or Wish) if you want to go that way. Or if you'd rather skip both the vet will take care of him for you. Do whichever you feels best for you & your children.

LizB62A · 15/01/2020 19:06

Oh dear, your lovely boy Flowers