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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want Mother to know about AD’s

67 replies

GrannyBags · 15/01/2020 09:26

I’ve been on anti depressants for a while. My DM doesn’t know and I don’t want her to. At Easter we are all going to my parents villa in Spain. I know she will do some snooping when we are out. I thought about taking the tablets out of the packaging but worried I might get stopped at customs. Last night I had a whole plan worked out involving taking a spare empty container and decanting them when we get there. My husband thinks I’ve lost the plot. AIBU?

OP posts:
Lupiaza · 15/01/2020 10:03

Please consider avoiding this woman. Please get psychotherapy if you aren't already.

She's part of the reason you are on ADs? No shit, Sherlock.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 15/01/2020 10:03

I envy the people saying “would she really look”
Can you avoid this holiday? It’s no holiday staying with someone who makes you this anxious Flowers (we no longer holiday with my mother which was a massive deal at the time it changed but now is seen as the norm thank goodness)

Inside your pillow case if she isn’t a “making your bed for you” Hmm type

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2020 10:07

Something like THIS HERE could work.
ALSO V cute
You need something you can keep in our pocket or zipped section of your handbag.
I can't believe your mum is going to nose through all your stuff.
What an invasion of privacy!
OR something you can put on your keys
Or A prettier keyring one

Toucan123 · 15/01/2020 10:09

How weird. Who on earth goes snooping in other people's belongings to find out what medication they're on? Why are you going on holiday with someone so nosey? However if you really feel you need to hide them surely it can't be that difficult.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2020 10:11

That 2nd link should be Macaroons

OurChristmasMiracle · 15/01/2020 10:13

Firstly my thought was why go? I wouldn’t stay somewhere with someone who would snoop through my possessions unless I had no option

Secondly I would just put them in my purse and leave them there. I’d only take enough for the holiday, your purse is likely to be with you when you are out and see has the most opportunity to snoop and even if she does snoop she won’t be able to ask about them without admitting to having been in your purse.

user1493413286 · 15/01/2020 10:16

Carry them in your handbag in a zipped pocket; then you’ll be taking the handbag out with you.
I’d be quite pissed off at her snooping though and leave something for her to find, maybe even in a joking way but might make her think twice

Savingshoes · 15/01/2020 10:31

@hellsbellsmelons these ideas are genius!

UYScuti · 15/01/2020 10:32

Why are you going on holiday with someone who is damaging your mental health?
You should kick her out of your life not welcome her into your villa!

JasonPollack · 15/01/2020 10:33

Why are you going on holiday with someone who doesn't respect your privacy and is making you depressed?

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2020 10:33

Get one of these for your case as well. HERE
She won't be able to stop herself from fiddling!

Besidesthepoint · 15/01/2020 14:46

Take an empty mulitivitamin bottle with you. When you've go e through customs, go to the bathroom (if she is picking you up) and put tgem in the multiviramin bottle.

Alternatively, take a packet of menstrual pads with you and put them near the bottom.

Besidesthepoint · 15/01/2020 14:49

Don't buy the screw top key thingy suggested on here. If it screws lose, you will have lost the pills and you'll end up without. I have to say that as someone who has hidden a lot of pills from colleagues or family, I recognise the suggested pill boxes from a mile off. So only use that if you are sure she doesn't know what it is.

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 15:11

Do the empty multivit bottle decanted onto a lockable tinket-box thing.
Keep this in your luggage inside e.g. a washbag, underneath a note saying "fuck off out of my private belongings you nosey harridan."

When you get home, ask your GP for a list of recommended therapists, choose a good one, & get talking about how your mother has contributed to your depression, why you feel compelled to go on holiday with her, & what you can start doing about the unholy influence she has on your life.

Original poster
GrannyBags · 15/01/2020 15:53

Sorry for the lack of replies - was at work. Quick sum up - my mother is the reason that my DB and I are both on ADs and both in therapy. Neither of us is at the point where we can confront her at the moment. The time will come when we are both ready. Until then we have agreed to keep the peace. We both moved away, to opposite ends of the country so this annual trip is one of the few times our children get to be together.
It’s not been an easy journey but we are able to live our own lives for most of the year.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/01/2020 15:56

If you insist on going on holiday with your mother, which is a terrible idea, btw, then your solution is a lock on your bag.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 15/01/2020 17:02

This is one of the most saddest posts I have ever read on mumsnet...I can feel your fear and apprehension OP. To have some one grind you down so much and have to spend time with them out of duty must be awful..I would be looking to break free totally and fast.No one could blame you..you deserve to live and be happy...I hope you find the strength one day to either let go or confront her and then let go.....

brassbrass · 15/01/2020 17:07

Why are you going on holiday with this woman? Why don't you and your brother meet separately with your families?

Honestly I think some people like to complicate their lives.

BackOnceAgainWithATinselHalo · 15/01/2020 17:14

How robust are you feeling? Could you discuss how to shit down the conversation if they are found?

  • why are you taking these?
  • none of your business. You went through my stuff, that’s appalling. I’m not telling you, the fact you went through my stuff shows you aren’t trust worthy. I’m not telling you stop trying to pick a fight.

Depends what’s awlful about her and where you are on your journey but if you do hide them you’ll be worried about discovery and that’ll pray on your mind. Is that worse than having it out with her? Genuine question, the answer depends on what she’s like.

BackOnceAgainWithATinselHalo · 15/01/2020 17:15

Shut down!

UYScuti · 15/01/2020 17:25

what you should do is grind up all the pills and anything else you can find and put them in her tea, that'll solve the problem

Retroflex · 15/01/2020 17:54

Please do not "decant them into a multivit bottle after you get to the villa" like @KnickerBockerAndrew suggested! To be honest this is the most ridiculous and dangerous thing you could do! Can you imagine if her mother or anybody else took one thinking that it was actually a harmless vitamin tablet! Hmm

You can get a weekly pill box, which is fairly small and discreet enough to fit in your handbag or wherever. I'm disabled and take numerous medicines in my hand luggage. The only thing you need to be aware of is the laws in the country you're visiting, for example I wouldn't be able to take my tramadol to Egypt, as its an illegal drug there.

UYScuti · 15/01/2020 18:07

tramadol to Egypt
another suggestion, send this woman to Egypt with lots of tramadol, sounds like she deserves it....
ok, ok that's not really a thing to joke about but I'm appalled OP that you are letting this woman crush you still:(

Retroflex · 15/01/2020 18:11

I've just noticed that @Besidesthepoint and @messolini9 recommended the vitamin box thing... This is ridiculous...

Retroflex · 15/01/2020 18:12

@UYScuti I did find that slightly amusing... I know a few people I'd like to do it to! GrinGrin