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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moral dilemma

153 replies

gonegirl2 · 15/01/2020 09:26

Not as dramatic as the title makes out but no idea how else to describe it.

I ordered a parcel online around christmas for a luxury candle retailing £48 for my aunt's birthday (well known brand). The candle ended up getting lost in transit so another was reordered and arrived last week. Today I have had an email to say my parcel will arrive today, it has the same tracking number as my original order, so I'm guessing the delivery company found the original parcel and are now delivering it today.

This is something I would love for myself, so much so that I almost bought a second for myself but realised I can't justify spending that sort of money on myself. I already know I can't handle the guilt and will be phoning the company to let them know the original order has arrived (though secretly really hoping they'll let me keep it!). DH, DM and friends I have spoken to think I'm crazy to tell them and told me to keep it! Don't think my conscience will allow it, I'm such a goody two shoes that I'm even convinced the police will be knocking on my door if I did Confused

I guess what I'm asking is what would you do?

OP posts:
safariboot · 15/01/2020 11:49

Let the seller know.

They can either arrange to get it back at their expense, or they can tell you to keep it.

They can't demand you pay return postage, and they can't demand you pay for the unwanted item.

DadDadDad · 15/01/2020 11:54

I take the point that legally it's not theft, but the company have in good faith borne the cost of a replacement, and it would be good faith for the recipient to point out that they have now received both, rather than assuming that they should benefit from the failure of the delivery company. If they don't point it out, they have made the decision to deprive the supplier of property that should be returned to them. That's morally equivalent to theft.

And I'm not keen on the attitude that says "tough luck for the supplier". Real people make their living from trying to run a business - plus in the end the extra cost of rectifying situations like this is eventually going to be passed on to other customers.

Original poster
gonegirl2 · 15/01/2020 11:55

Thank you for all of the responses. I was never planning on keeping it without contacting the company, mainly I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt! I just wanted to see what the general consensus is on it as I've had family/friends tell me I'm mad for not just keeping quiet, which baffled me!

All that being said, it's due to be delivered between 2-4 so no confirmation yet on whether it is the candle, though I haven't ordered anything else recently.

It's not a small company, it's a very large and well known brand but either way, I couldn't keep it in good conscience. And yes £48 for a candle is extortionate! But it's one my aunt has wanted for a very long time so worth it for her. Fingers crossed they'll appreciate the honesty and allow me to keep something I wouldn't be able to buy myself Wink

OP posts:
whatashower · 15/01/2020 11:56

I'm with Gazelda. Staggered by the keep it/companies can absorb losses responses. And no, the retailer wont automatically be compensated by the courier.

Shitty consumer behaviour is crippling businesses - large and small - from clearly worn returned clothing which cannot be resold to outright fraud. I have been shocked by the deceptions of wealthy middle class shoppers of high end brands who seem to think it is fair game and doesn't matter, yet is no different than shoplifting. We seem to be losing our moral compass.

In this case of course, the op is entirely innocent and should not be inconvenienced or have to incur costs returning. And likely, will be told to keep the candle as it will simply be uneconomic to return as previous posters have suggested. But far better to be a 'fair dealer' with this situation as with everything in life, surely.

Do the right thing, op. You will get to enjoy your candle AND restore faith in humanity in their customer services department.

DadDadDad · 15/01/2020 11:58

Hear, hear, @whatashower.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 15/01/2020 11:58

I would wait to see if anything does arrive, and then phone them up.

thedancingbear · 15/01/2020 11:59

Integrity is doing the right thing when no-one's watching.

www.allprodad.com/dungy/integrity-when-no-one-is-watching/

Those of you who'd keep the candle have no integrity.

If you only do the right thing because you risk getting caught, then you have no morality. That's just self-preservation.

Torchlightt · 15/01/2020 12:00

Ask them to pay for you to send it back - they should send you a pre-paid label. Not to do that is basically theft. If they don't do that, then keep it.

whatashower · 15/01/2020 12:00

Sorry for x-post gonegirl2 and heartened by your agreement and honest approach. Some other posters could take a leaf out of your book 🙄. I hope you get to enjoy your candle. 👍

thedancingbear · 15/01/2020 12:01

^Thank you for all of the responses. I was never planning on keeping it without contacting the company, mainly I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt! I just wanted to see what the general consensus is on it as I've had family/friends tell me I'm mad for not just keeping quiet, which baffled me!

All that being said, it's due to be delivered between 2-4 so no confirmation yet on whether it is the candle, though I haven't ordered anything else recently.

It's not a small company, it's a very large and well known brand but either way, I couldn't keep it in good conscience. And yes £48 for a candle is extortionate! But it's one my aunt has wanted for a very long time so worth it for her. Fingers crossed they'll appreciate the honesty and allow me to keep something I wouldn't be able to buy myself^

Well done OP. I hope they tell you to keep it: they probably will.

Callthemidwifeplease · 15/01/2020 12:06

I would let them know and ask about a way for them to arrange me to send it back for free.

Straycatstrut · 15/01/2020 12:14

I'd not open it, and send an email straight away letting them know it's turned up, and ask for advice on what to do next.

I'd be secretly hoping for a "You can keep this as a gift" response Grin then I'd enjoy it even more as a guilt-free freebie.

If not, and they send a courier I'd still feel good for doing the right thing.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 15/01/2020 12:19

Keep it!

AmIthechristmasfairy · 15/01/2020 12:26

OP, you're doing the right thing.

I can't believe how many thieves on this thread. Good for them.

lborgia · 15/01/2020 12:31

Quite often they'll just avoid the costs attached to courier, packaging, restocking etc etc.

Really glad you're doing the right thing, integrity is right.

Junie70 · 15/01/2020 12:42

I would inform them it had arrived, and that if they send a courier, they can have it back.

I've done this a few times, and only ever once had something collected.

ineedto · 15/01/2020 12:46

Assuming Jo Malone? Call them, they will say to keep it. Enjoy!

Bansku19 · 15/01/2020 12:50

This happened to me with amazon. I refused the delivery and it got taken back to the warehouse.

FrenchJunebug · 15/01/2020 12:54

keep it.

sauvignonblancplz · 15/01/2020 12:55

Wise up ! Keep it.
You haven’t taken someone else’s candle you’ve benefited from an admin error.
They’ve got procedures that cover this.
Don’t have any guilt!

Somanysocks · 15/01/2020 12:58

Why is being honest being a goody two shoes?

Phone them and tell them what has happened and let them decide, they'll probably say keep it but don't just steal it, for goodness sake!

Dishonesty is why prices go up.

yearinyearout · 15/01/2020 13:16

I had the same happen to me with quite an expensive household item (ordered from a large retailer). I let them know, and they said they would arrange to have it collected. Nobody contacted me so I left it in my garage for a year...then sold it on eBay 😊

CatteStreet · 15/01/2020 13:37

I'm certain all those saying airily to keep it would be furious if they paid a bill twice in error and the company refused to pay you back or credit you the money because it was your error. I expect you also look down on shoplifters and people who commit benefit fraud.

Honesty is the best policy, for all sorts of reasons. Planning to keep something that you know doesn't belong to you, without the consent of whomever it belongs to, is the very definition of theft.

KarmaStar · 15/01/2020 14:11

If you end up with two tell them.their decision.it sounds like you won't enjoy it if you keep it and rightly so.
They might tell you to keep it and then you will be able to enjoy it.

Toucan123 · 15/01/2020 14:19

You're not a "goody two shoes" if you're considering not telling the company about it and keeping it. Just phone them and tell them.

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