Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A wedding question...

34 replies

BlackWhitePurple · 14/01/2020 22:31

DH's sister is getting married this summer in a fancy hotel about 30 mins drive from our house. The wedding is on a Monday, so DH is taking the day off but will be in work the next day. DS (5) will also be in school the next day.

DH's other sisters are planning to stay over at the hotel after the wedding. DH thinks we should too - not because he wants to, but because he thinks he'll look antisocial if we don't. I'm not keen, for various reasons, mainly the cost - it's going to cost several hundred pounds for the 4 of us (we could afford it, but it would mean going without in a few other areas, and scaling back our holiday plans) - and because I don't really see any advantage in staying.

Personally I think that, bearing in mind that DH has to go to work and DS to school the next day, it would be best for me to bring the kids home early(ish) and get them to bed (they are 5 and 3, and the 5yo in particular is not great when he hasn't slept), and then DH can stay as late as he likes and either share a lift home or get a taxi.

We would have to leave the hotel at about 7am anyway for DH to get to work on time, so it's not like we'd get to laze around and enjoy the facilities. The kids will be unsettled being somewhere different, plus we'll have to bring change of clothes etc to the wedding in order to stay over.

If DH was really keen to stay over, I wouldn't mind so much, but it's entirely because the others are and he doesn't want to appear unsociable.

Neither of us are big drinkers, so that's not an issue (one of us will have to stay sober anyway, since we have the kids with us and also one of us will be driving the next morning either way).

So, am I being unreasonable to say no to staying over?

OP posts:
SlB09 · 14/01/2020 22:38

Nope. Have a conversation with your SIL and explain, I'm sure she will understand. Your husband could stay, much cheaper, shows willing and he can sort himself out for work the next day!

WeeM · 14/01/2020 22:39

In those circumstances, no I wouldn’t stay over. It’s only 30 mins from home and it’s going to cost a lot of money. Different if it was a weekend or was a £30 travelodge perhaps. When you get married on a Monday you surely must expect that some people will have to go to work/school on the Tuesday.

Echobelly · 14/01/2020 22:43

No, I wouldn't stay- not when you're half an hour away and have kids! It would be totally unreasonable of anyone to expect you to stay, plus you're presumably not going to be up late being social when you have young kids, so one of you would presumably have to be in a room with the kids, so staying 'to be sociable' makes no sense. He can stay if he wishes, but it's not fair to demand you and kids do too when you'll literally get nothing out of it except the expense.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 14/01/2020 23:15

There's usually a family thing/dinner the night before?
Couldn't you do that or just him instead? That would actually be nice and you could check in at 12 or so on the Sunday?

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 14/01/2020 23:16

Not a chance! He has to work, it's a school night, it's a miracle you're going at all tbh. It's not antisocial, it's common sense!

Original poster
BlackWhitePurple · 15/01/2020 07:40

Thanks everyone.

Honestly, if it were up to me, I'd send DS to school that day (while the ceremony happens), then nip out to pick him up and bring him for the meal, and then take them both home mid-evening, but in DH's family it's expected that the kids go to everything and stay the whole time. DH won't want to miss out on any of the event, so will stay until his other siblings leave (which could be 2am). So I think I need to have a plan to escape early with the kids, other than taking them to the room and being stuck there!

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 15/01/2020 07:45

It makes zero sense to stay over. If your husband is determined to stay until the end of the night, maybe he can stay over in his own, but it will just be an unnecessary expense and hassle for you to stay with the kids.

ZoeWashburne · 15/01/2020 07:47

If you have your wedding on a weekday, you cannot be precious that people have obligations the next day. That is part and parcel of inconveniencing your guests.

Go, make sure you are out on the dance floor, be visible in a couple photos, have your H dance with the bride, and nip out during a quiet moment. around 10/11.

I understand why people do them, and it works for people who don't have m-f jobs, but I do find weekday weddings rather cheeky for this reason. It is very we want the fancy hotel for our 'wedding vision' but can't afford the saturday, so you have to give up your AL.

SproutMuncher · 15/01/2020 07:50

Definitely don’t stay!

OhMeows · 15/01/2020 07:50

Agree with you on the hotel, if you're only 30 mins from home and DH is working next day I'd go home.

I wouldn't be so bothered about DC going to school the next day though at 5.

Whynosnowyet · 15/01/2020 07:50

I am sure sil will be far too busy with her new dh to give zero shits if you are in the same hotel or not tbh...

thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2020 07:51

Agree that it makes no sense at all for the entire family to have to stay over. Can you not have a quiet word with your SIL about it? Surely they would understand.

ToastandCheese · 15/01/2020 07:52

No I wouldn’t stay, it’s half an hour away and you’re all busy the next day. What’s the point?

NearlyGranny · 15/01/2020 07:52

Crazy idea! All that money out of your holiday pot just to have a manic Tuesday early morning rush?

No way.

peanutfoldover · 15/01/2020 07:53

There’s no point in staying. We got married and had the ‘do’ in a big country hotel about 15-40 mins from our hone town (where most of our guests loved). Only my parents stayed in the same hotel. It didn’t even occur to me to expect anyone else to stay there. However, it was a small wedding and we arranged it a month before so there wasn’t a lot of notice.

hauntedvagina · 15/01/2020 07:56

I got married in a local venue on a week day and people did stay, except those who had work the following day (school wasn't as issue as it was in the Christmas holidays).

I absolutely didn't expect these people to stay the night, why would they??

onanothertrain · 15/01/2020 07:57

You clearly don't want to stay so why all the excuses? Don't stay, if your DH wants to stay that's his choice.

RhymingRabbit3 · 15/01/2020 07:59

Pointless to spend all that money on a hotel room which you have to leave at 7am.
I doubt the family will even notice whether you've stayed over, since you would have to go to the room early to put the kids to sleep and leave before breakfast!

Ginger1982 · 15/01/2020 08:06

YANBU. They're choosing to get married on a Monday so they can't expect folk to take 2 days off and it makes no sense for you to stay over. I would do as you're suggesting and let your DH regulate himself.

BaronessBomburst · 15/01/2020 08:09

Don't stay. It's a complete waste of money and more inconvenient than going home.

KnightandDay · 15/01/2020 08:11

I think your suggestion sounds like a sensible solution. If DH is planning on staying till the end let him sort himself out about getting home, and getting up for work the next day!!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/01/2020 08:17

I wouldn’t bother staying so close to home either- a lot of schlep and expense. Fine if the kids aren’t with you but the effort of having the kids routine unsettled and the planning ie. packing uniforms etc- not worth it!

Original poster
BlackWhitePurple · 15/01/2020 09:14

@onanothertrain because DH is saying we "have" to stay and I wasn't sure whether it's the kind of thing where he has a point.

I've never stayed over after a wedding unless it was physically impossible to get home (eg involving a flight).

Can't talk to SIL, she will definitely think we should stay! Doesn't have kids, so she wouldn't understand the hassle (especially as the other siblings will let their kids stay - but then spend the whole time shouting at them to behave, probably).

OP posts:
MiniEggAddiction · 15/01/2020 09:18

No definitely don't stay over it would be crazy. In your situation I would take DS home at a reasonable time and DH could stay late and get a taxi back but not pointlessly stay in a hotel!

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 15/01/2020 09:22

Don’t do it. You need to make sure you stand your ground on this one.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread