A wedding question...

[BlackWhitePurple]

DH's sister is getting married this summer in a fancy hotel about 30 mins drive from our house. The wedding is on a Monday, so DH is taking the day off but will be in work the next day. DS (5) will also be in school the next day.

DH's other sisters are planning to stay over at the hotel after the wedding. DH thinks we should too - not because he wants to, but because he thinks he'll look antisocial if we don't. I'm not keen, for various reasons, mainly the cost - it's going to cost several hundred pounds for the 4 of us (we could afford it, but it would mean going without in a few other areas, and scaling back our holiday plans) - and because I don't really see any advantage in staying.

Personally I think that, bearing in mind that DH has to go to work and DS to school the next day, it would be best for me to bring the kids home early(ish) and get them to bed (they are 5 and 3, and the 5yo in particular is not great when he hasn't slept), and then DH can stay as late as he likes and either share a lift home or get a taxi.

We would have to leave the hotel at about 7am anyway for DH to get to work on time, so it's not like we'd get to laze around and enjoy the facilities. The kids will be unsettled being somewhere different, plus we'll have to bring change of clothes etc to the wedding in order to stay over.

If DH was really keen to stay over, I wouldn't mind so much, but it's entirely because the others are and he doesn't want to appear unsociable.

Neither of us are big drinkers, so that's not an issue (one of us will have to stay sober anyway, since we have the kids with us and also one of us will be driving the next morning either way).

So, am I being unreasonable to say no to staying over?

”DH is saying we "have" to stay” Why? “Have to” or else...what? Kids will either be in bed in the hotel or at home, so what’s the difference? Why will anyone notice or care whether the family is sleeping upstairs or a short drive away? If you’re leaving before anyone else is probably even up, no one will know any different where you’ve slept.

”Can't talk to SIL, she will definitely think we should stay!” Why, though? How will it be better if you sleep in the hotel rather than in your own house? Who does that improve things for? Only the person who will have to drive home and therefore won’t be able to drink. I assume that won’t be SIL so why would she think you need to stay?

Staying in the hotel will not allow you to be more social. It seems rather pointless

Definitely seems crazy to stay!

Your SIL and her partner have chosen a wedding as it's presumably much cheaper for them - which they are completely in their rights to do. BUT you are also right to consider your finances and convenience too!

I would personally tell my husband that me and the kids are going home at bedtime and he can do what he likes. Seems silly to me though.
When I got married only my mum stayed in the hotel, everyone else went home.

I wouldn't stay. I'd take the children home when its time for bed, leave the husband to party and persuade him to take the morning off the next day.

If you stay, the kids will be hyper, overwhelmed, and end up tired & grotty. You will be the one stuck in a hotel room trying to placate them until they go to sleep. And then you will have to be quiet, on your own until you go to bed. Meanwhile your DH will be socialising with his family, and presumingly not drinking too much as he has to get up & drive to work next morning. Doesn't that sound fun ? (not).

Go to the wedding with the kids, and as suggested, bow out gracefully early evening before they are tired & playing up & drive home. They will settle in their own beds & you can chill out in your own home. If DH wants to stay to be sociable then he can book a standard single/double room (which will be cheaper than a family suite).

You will be the one dealing with the kids as he is the one who wants to socialise with his family all night, so you deal with it in the best way for you.

You are not being unreasonable.

BlackWhitePurple but that's my point. You don't "have" to do anything. If you want to go home then go home, if he wants to stay he can stay.

Can DH stay but not the rest of you? If he’s staying to 2am/the end anyway and the others aren’t going to get up at 6.30am to have breakfast with him then he just needs to point out it’s the same for them whether he stays or not.

You don’t have to do anything.