Was he being U or was I?

[vadam]

My boyfriends just kicked off at me spectacularly, went totally OTT and called me some really nasty horrible names which I'm upset about.

It's been going on for a while. I feel like his mother, he can't do basic things and he's constantly asking me how to do this and that and it's draining me so much. I have an important exam coming up so need to revise as much as possible when he's home early (often works late shifts) so I asked him could he please put DC to bed whilst I did the laundry before I sat down to study.

Anyway, he's making a cheese toastie in the sandwich maker. Doesn't know how to do it at all, asks me how to do it. He didn't know that it involves 2 pieces of bread per toasty, he was going to put 1 piece of bread in with cheese on top and shut the lid. I looked at him like wtf.. you're a grown man and you don't know how to do things like this

So that set him off. He was shouting, asking why I'm like this, I piss him off, I'm a c*nt etc. I told him he goes way too far with the name calling, he should know how to do basic bloody things!

Am I being a twat for reacting like that? And expecting him to know how to make one? It's really not that difficult is it..

He sounds like a nasty, abusive man-child.

Dump him

I think your reaction was unreasonable if he genuinely didn’t know - but he’s out of order for his response

I'm sure he does know though, is it really that difficult? He's a grown man and he doesn't know how to do it and he's asking me instead. It infuriates me how little he actually knows about anything in general.

Fucking hell my 10 year old can make a cheese toastie. How dim can you be?

He's abusive and you deserve better. Dump him before things get worse.

@Dontlikeoranges Exactly. It's like I constantly have to babysit and watch what he does.

How can a grown man 'genuinely not know' how to make a cheese toastie? It's not limb reattachment surgery.

Most men are like children. They want your attention and when they don't feel like they are getting enough they do whatever they can do get it. If he has ever eaten a cheese toastie he is fully aware of what he needs to do he just wants your focus to be on him.

You are not BU. He is an arse.

I’m not sure most men are like children.

The only way you can genuinely not know how to make a cheese toastie is if you've never seen a cheese toastie. It's pretty fucking obvious that it's cheese between 2 slices of bread, toasted.

OP I suspect he's doing this to sabotage your studying.

God forbid the little woman should learn more/get a job/earn more/gain independence.
He wants you unqualified and at home where he can control you

You both sound unreasonable.
Ok, so he doesn’t know how to make a cheese toastie. Maybe he didn’t have a toastie maker before you arrived on his scene. You could have just told him.
He shouldn’t be calling you vile names either.
It sounds like his mum did everything when he lived at home and so you might need to give him a few clues. You would have realised that from the outset.
Help him out or tell him to go.
You sound a bit intolerant and just expect him to know everything.
If you’re ranting about your partner’s inability to make a cheese toastie , on a forum, in all seriousness, then maybe you need to rethink your relationship.

I think my 5 year old could figure out that a cheese toasty has bread on each side of the cheese. Because she's seen a cheese toasty!

Do you think he was being intentionally difficult so you'd say something and he'd have reason to pick a fight?

I think he's deliberately doing things wrong so you just carry on doing everything and he can do sweet FA. It's not on.

@Sunray264 I think that's exactly it. He's pissed me off so much that I'm not even in the mood to study and now I can't concentrate.

How the hell can a grown man not know that a cheese toastie consists of two slices of bread!? He's either sabotaging, or stupid.

@vadam
He's pissed me off so much that I'm not even in the mood to study and now I can't concentrate.
Sounds like he's achieved his objective then. God forbid you should get qualified/have opinions/develop a life outside his control...

You gonna live with that forever?

You can’t possibly believe he doesn't know how to make a Sandwich.

What he is actually doing is making sure you never ask him to do anything again.

He is abusive.

Bin

He's a child. Seriously. And the abuse is completely unacceptable.

Are the children his?

@1Morewineplease have some counselling yourself for thinking this is in anyway the fault of op. Check your own boundaries and expectations. Then raise them.

A grown adult not knowing how to make a sandwich is a fucking joke.

Does he have a job? How does he manage?

Sounds like he wants you to play mummy to him as well. Could he be trying to sabotage your duties? Does he resent looking after his own children? There’s usually an underlying motive.

You don’t need this oaf in your life. You know it. He won’t be getting any better. Let someone less busy bring him up.