Schools and residential trips..

[Pop2017]

DS is nearly 9 and in year 4. Last year they had a residential trip only a short distance away from home. There was no way DS was staying. He has autism and he didn’t want to nor would I feel comfortable letting him. He went for the daytime activities and we picked him up in the evening and took him back first thing. Worked well.

This year it’s 2 nights about 1.5 hours away from
Home 🤦‍♀️ DS doesn’t really want to go at all. I will gently encourage him but I’m pretty certain he won’t stay there. It’s unrealistic to pick him up and take him back when I have DD. A 3hr round trip with her in the evening and again in the morning twice seems a bit much now she’s in primary school herself. OH works long hours. He could book it off but unsure on dates yet. I’m not comfortable driving that far with Dc on my own too. They can be nightmares in the car. Both have additional needs.

DS is getting upset about it. Saying he doesn’t want to go at all. He is a young 8 year old but the teacher says he has to. Which baffles me as surely not a children go? Some children don’t like being away and a lot of parents cannot afford what they charge for it.

Aibu to think they can’t upset DS by telling him he has to go.

When I was at primary school there was one residential in year 6 but now it’s every damn year in the juniors. I didn’t go myself 🤣 I’ve never been into anything adventurous 🤣

If he doesn’t want to go. Would you send him into school alone without his classmates?? Bearing in mind he has 1:1 support. Or keep him off if no one is going to be there??

Sorry if this seems a pointless post. things are ten times more complicated when a child has additional needs. I’m just not sure he would settle sleeping away from home!

There are always one or two in our class who don't want to go, for whatever reason. They just stay at school and go into a different class for the day. You're right to make a decision for your dc and stick to it - there's no point in pushing these things at primary level.

He doesn’t have to go but school might ask him to attend school and put him in a different year group.
I would keep him at home, and let school know well in advance. I say this as someone who works in Education.

The school cannot insist that pupils attend residentials. If you don't want him to go and have explained your reasons, simply don't pay for it or turn up for the start.

He doesn't have to go. They can't insist on anything.

They probably haven’t told him he has to go. Just go and speak to the teacher as there’s a legitimate reason that the trip won’t work for him at this stage

I can't imagine he'll be the only one. Our school just do the one in year 6 and even at 10 yrs old quite a few didn't go. They definitely can't make him go, I'd just make an appointment or write a letter stating that he can't cope with overnights and won't be going. They don't seem to be very understanding of sen.

I would encourage him to go. If the teacher is keen then she obviously thinks it would do him good. I have two ASD children, so have been through this (my 8 year old just spent 2 nights in London on school residential). The school will cater for his needs.

Also I used to work in a special school, and all the year 5s attended residential, and got an awful lot out of it confidence wise. Sometimes we just don’t want to let our babies grow up

He definitely doesn't have to go on the residential. They can't force him and I would be making sure the teacher knows this, and they they are not to tell your DC he has to.

School will expect him to be in school generally. Normally in this case he would join another class, often in the year above or below. His 1:1 would go with him to this class. However, due to him having a 1:1 they may be able to come up with a better solution for your DC including some enrichment activities - maybe something linked to what the rest of the class are doing if possible, but on school grounds.

You may also be able to arrange for him not attend and them authorise it. You'd need to speak to the SENCO about this though.

There is a chance he will be the only one not going. That will be something that you would need to prepare your child for. You say there was a residential last year - did everyone go and stay then? That might give you a rough idea.

Thanks all. The issue is with him not wanting to sleep at residential but last year he still did the daily activities. It just seems to far to drive with a 4 year old on school nights and mornings? Maybe I’ll see if we can meet DS and a member of staff half way or something. Some of the staff usually take their own cars..

Hi op, you did say that your dh could book the time off so I would do that and then the 4 year old won't have to do the drive. I totally realise that this may not be an option at all (logistics and cost) but could you or your dh stay in a hotel near the residential and see how ds gets on? If any issues then you are close by to collect.

If he doesn't ho he should still attend school, it's the rules. I sympathize as you could do stuff that's educational and meaningful instead of sending g him in

Will he stay with your DH in a nearby premier inn or travelodge? I know it's an extra expense but you can often get rooms for £30 and you would be saving on petrol.

The staff may not be able to drive him in their own car due to their own car insurance.

Also, if a member of staff was to meet him (and it would need to be 2 for safeguarding reasons - probably his 1-2-1 and another member of staff. You admit yourself that he is a nightmare in the car) then that is 2 members of staff that cannot be counted in the child - pupil ratio. So they would need to take 2 extra members of staff.

They might just do that, but if you don’t want him to go just say no and take him to school as normal.

Could your dh use annual leave and go and stay too?
Our school encourage this as a way to include SEN children.

We'll be doing this later this year with ds.

Even without the autism, if he doesn’t want to go and the school are already being dicks about it, I wouldn’t send him. Simply tell them you have decided that he is not going.

I don’t like the way they are pressuring you both. What is the actual point of his going? Where is eg the school’s awareness of SEN and mental health etc? I would be firing off a firm message to the head if it was me.

School trips are rubbish anyway. I’ve gone as parent helper to 3 short trips and the kids didn’t have much fun just got bossed about all the time, I was really shocked.

No chance. My ds has autism and has 1-1 at school and has 2-1 on school trips but there is no way he would go on a residential trip.

No one would he insisting anything to me either!

Keep him at home x

What is the aim of the trip? Could you do something similar with him instead?

DS was supposed to go on a day trip and I thought it would be too overwhelming for him. I took him and DD there a couple of weeks before the trip. He hated it and said it made him feel sick (a sensory experience place). I told the school he would be staying home for the day. He could still join in all the discussions when they got back as he'd been.

Won't he still have 1:1 support on the trip?

Imagine if the school was saying he wasn't allowed to come.

@Pop2017 as the parents, you know what is best for your children! The school may "think" that it will be beneficial, but if you know that it would cause your ds to become unhappy and/or distressed, then you are absolutely within your rights not to send him!

My DD did not go on any of her school residential trips. The school can not force him, or expect you to take him daily, and they have a responsibility to provide an alternative. My daughter was fine sitting in with a class a year higher or lower. Now she’s in secondary school and there are a group of children who don’t do residential trips, so they arrange a series of day trips and in-school activities when the others are away.