Who's wrong here?

[BipolarSunset]

I'll try to keep it brief.

I've been with DH for 12 years have 1 8 year old and have been TTC for 6 years with 6 miscarriages along the way.

My sister has been with her boyfriend for 4 years, has one 3 year old and is now expecting her 2nd.

This did hit me hard I'll admit but I was civil, congratulated etc. It's then announced she's having the name Henry.

My DS is called Harry. Harry is a 'nickname' as such for Henry.

Aibu for not agreeing with the name?! It's too close to home for me and doesn't make any sense.

Please feel free to tell me if you disagree with this but please be nice

I think you're just sad because she is having another baby, when you've been TTC and suffering miscarriages for so long.

That is completely understandable and really the issue with the name is just masking what the real issue - your grief.

Grief can make us jealous of people who seem to have achieved what we've been trying to achieve.

Do your best not to let this upset you. It's good that you've recognised and acknowledged your negative feelings.

It must have been very hurtful indeed when she got pregnant for the second time. We can't always rationalise these things.

Aibu for not agreeing with the name?!

You don't get to agree or not agree. Aunts don't have naming rights. That isn't a thing.

But she’s not copied OP. They’re two completely different names.

@AlwaysCheddar Prince Harry is actually called Henry. That said there’s no reason at all OP why she can’t call the baby whatever she wants. It’s really none of your business.

Can't see a problem here

You could say to her, "oh did you know Harry is short for Henry, our two will have the same name hahaha" in a lighthearted way, depending on your relationship. It's possible she doesn't know or hasn't thought of it. However if she brushes it off you kind of have to go along with it - in the scheme of things it really wont affect you or your son much.

I had a very similar situation where my aunt wanted to name my cousin a name very close to my nickname (e.g. I'm Beth, she wanted to use Bethany) and I told her I wasn't very happy about it. She ended up with a boy in the end but I like to think she would have taken my opinion into account as we are close.

While in the past Harry has been a nickname for Henry I've never known a Henry referred to be Harry and all the Harry's I know were actually called Harry from birth not Henry. I assume she isn't intending to shorten her Henry to Harry so I don't thin it will be an issue at all.

On the other hand I taught a fair few over the years, many of them preferred Harry

Every Harry I know, apart from one, is actually named Henry. I can think of 3 elderly Harrys, one the same age as my dad, my cousin is Henry/Harry and I know 2 little kids also. Although ds13 has a pal called Harry who likes to make sure everyone knows his name is Harry and not Henry.
Maybe it's a geographic thing, but where I am from they are definitely the same name.
I'm really surprised that lots of people don't think they are the same.

Thank you everyone who's responded nicely.

I weren't too sure if my own personal issues were getting in the way and making my judgement clouded - you've helped clarify that I am being a bit of a cow!

There is a HUGE backstory with mine and my sisters relationship which I probably should've mentioned, being civil is the contact we have now - not just because she's pregnant and I'm not. Sorry I didn't make that clear!

To the people who were horrible, please try and find a little tact. Any problem might seem ridiculous to you but huge to the poster

I know cousins called Olivia and Oliver.

Olivia’s parents took weeks to come up with her name.

The only Henry who's known as Harry is the ginger sponge who's off to Canada

Not sure where you're getting your information from but you might want to find a new source, Harry has been a nickname for Henry for ever. Possibly what you mean is you only know one Henry aka Harry.

In our family a lot of share a name with an aunt/uncle/cousin, it's really not a big deal

Other than Prince Harry, I don’t know of any Henrys who use the name Harry. I think the majority nowadays are given either Henry or Harry as their name at birth and stick with it. Therefore, I do largely think of them as being separate names and agree with a PP that possibly your own difficulties having another baby are influencing you.

In think, understandably, this name is just a “ hook” that your grief and sadness has caught on.
You’ve been through a lot and are still left wanting another child. It’s left you raw.

Are you getting any support? Could you get some counselling to get these feelings off your chest?

You are not alone op. As I said it’s an understandable reaction.

Polly is short for Mary which I also consider odd!

^^ Just by way!

@CakeandCustard28 yikes! Your kids effectively have the same name 🥴

I worked with a man who had two daughters called Sarah and Morag...also the same name 😂

Thank you @Ohyesiam
Not having any type of counselling might be worth looking into tbh. Thank you x

I’m a bit surprised that people don’t know Harry is a NN for Henry 🤔
People have kids called Henry & Harry 🙄
It’s like having a James & Jamie 🤣

I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if I heard that two cousins had the same name. It’s one of those things that happens sometimes in families, especially bigger ones. But yes, Henry/Harry is very close.

@CakeandCustard28 why would you call your kids the same name I know a Billy and Liam - makes no sense.

Bloody Hell

Yabu

Very

I have two sons ones called Harry and his brother is called Henry.

That's hilarious

they'll be cousins, i think it's okay. it's not as if they'll be seeing each other all the time.