Asking permission for holiday

[PumpkinP]

I was planning to take my children on holiday but my ex is absent and apparently you need permission of the other parent to take a child on holiday. My sister thinks I’m worrying for no reason and that you don’t actually need permission, so has anyone actually ever been stopped from taking a child on holiday without permission?, I’ve never heard of anyone being stopped either tbh but have always heard that you can be stopped.

We've taken our stepson on holiday every year for the last 8 years and not once been stopped and asked anything. Likewise his mum has taken him away with no issues also.
I mean even if you have their birth certificates what does that prove of permission? And if you don't have contact with the father anyway how are you supposed to get it? And what would it be? A letter? That theoretically could be signed by anyone.

Go on holiday. Enjoy.

I've been stopped and interrogated for over an hour when going into Canada. My son has a different name to me.

I also had a residence order but this still did not stop them questioning me at length. Thankfully I'd read up on a bit beforehand and had my mortgage statements, last pay statement, bank statement. However, I needed to show emails and texts from my friend that lived there to prove I was just going on holiday.

I don't even know where my sons dad lives now.
I've also been stopped going into France a few times.

I have been stopped with DC coming into the U.K. Luckily, my DH was in a different passport line (his is not EU), and so once they were able to match us up, we were ok.

I've been interrogated at passport control (incoming). My children have a different surname to me.

In this case, DH was there, just at a different booth, so all ok, but they were pretty narky and insisted I carry birth certificates next time.

just to add, you can download a template for permission, so long as the other parent is willing to sign it

It really depends on where you go. I fly with my DS alone a lot. Coming in or out of the UK - never asked. But when we leave the Netherlands (both of us have Dutch passports) about 50% of the time the border agents do ask for forms. I’ve been caught out once when I couldn’t find the form, but they let me go through because I had an email from my husband and I insisted we were travelling home because we live in UK.
So yes, they definitely do ask. Again, it’s never happened to me in the UK.

We took our adopted son to Europe before the adoption order had come through.
He was 1 and had a different name on his passport to me and my husband! No one stopped us or even asked about it!
We did have a letter from social services, but was never asked why we were travelling with a 1 year old with a different surname to us.
Always gave me a huge worry how easy it was to do!

They can ask, as do other countries eg Canada even asked about my 17 year old (thankfully accepted that he caught the earlier flight which was true)

The Netherlands can be quite strict on this, and I know people who have been stopped. I think it really depends where you are travelling to.

I have been stopped travelling alone abroad outside Europe with my two DCs (same surname). It depends which country you are going to. I always carry the residence order as proof. Never had a problem within the EU but I guess that might change with Brexit.

Customs are very much switched on to this issue. Last year, my DD and my DM went ahead of me in the queue while I fiddled around with my bags... my DM was questioned about what relation my DD was to her (different surnames). Once I had caught up and explained I was DD's mother, all was well.

Check the government website for official guidance.

I have been stopped coming into the UK, asked where the father was, and if he knew where they were.

On the other hand my PILs took my children into the UK and were not questioned, but they have been when travelling with DN.

If your ex wants no contact and you don't want to contact him directly, is there a possibility of you going to court for sole custody/residence?

I'm in the US and when it's done here all it takes is for the absent parent to not reply to the court summons. Then a judgment gets entered 'by default' and the petitioner is granted sole legal and physical custody. It doesn't terminate the absent parent's parental rights, it just says that you have sole right to make all decisions and that the children live with you and the absent parent can't just come and get them. May be worth a visit to a solicitor?

Hi Pumpkin - as per above you do need permission from everyone with parental responsibility unless you have a child arrangements order.
I think having the same surname is a distinct advantage and means you're less likely to be stopped.
I take DD away a lot and have never been stopped although from time to time DD will be asked questions (i.e am I her mum etc.). We did a long haul trip in December and I couldn't face the possibility that we'd be stopped and turned away so I did get a letter (templates online) from my ex although it sorely irked me to have to do so and I absolutely can understand why you wouldn't want to.

I have a different name to my children and have travelled in Europe without a problem. The only time I had an issue was returning home - an officer in passport control asked my son if I was his mum after viewing our passports. Son confirmed I was and there were no further problems.

If you have return tickets, birth certificates, any evidence of you having no relationship with your ex (solicitor's letter, perhaps?) and evidence of permanent residence on your part in the UK (rental agreement? mortgage payments?), I really don't see how you could be accused of child abduction should you be stopped. There are plenty of completely absent fathers (and many who have died). It is unrealistic to suggest that their children can't have a holiday as a result.

My sons father isnt on the birth certificate and him and his extended family took him abroad when he was 3 with no problems

Should add my son has my name too

I'm in the US so different laws, but if DH or I ever travel alone with the DC, we always bring a certified letter signed by the other parent giving permission to travel to XX country with the DC.

It's probably overkill but we feel it's best to have it, just in case.

I was stopped when entering Canada. I was travelling with DS (different surname) and my BIL (Late DHs brother, so same surname as DS). We were asked what the relationships were, which I answered honestly. I was then (quite abruptly) asked where my DSs father was, to which I replied that he was dead.

I was then asked for the death certificate (which I didn't have) but I did have DSs birth certificate. Apparently that doesn't matter and the guy didn't want to see it.

They let us through (begrudgingly) as my DS and my BIL have the same surname.

My current DH traveled with my DS, without me, and was also stopped (different surnames). But my late DHs parents were also travelling with them and again, as the surname matched, they said they could go through.

I completely understand that they want to prevent child abduction, but a bit of kindness wouldn't go astray. Also, just because you have the same name, doesn't mean they have parental or legal responsibility.

By "certified" I mean legally witnessed and stamped by a notary.

I had problems entering the UK with 2 of my children and then had problems entering the US. I had to have a notarized letter from my dh and UK customs at Heathrow called dh back in the states to verify. Same happened when we returned. Which is dumb as hell. I've also had issues entering Canada and Mexico. Germany was the absolute worse

I flew to Spain with my 3 children, without their father, a few years ago. I was stopped at customs and questioned as I didn't have written permission from their father on me. They let me pass eventually, but it was all very unsettling at the time

I've been stopped coming back into the UK with my sons. DH had gone through the electronic channel to get the bags and load the car as the queue was enormous. I didn't change my name when I married and the boys have DH's name. Ironically, it was me who applied for their passports, and having a different name didn't seem to be an issue then!
I often wonder what information they see when they scan your passport at airports. You would think for kids it might show who applied for the passport and what their address is. They told me that the checks are to stop child trafficking, but surely its unlikely that someone would be trafficking children into the country,back to the home address they left a week earlier and where they also lived 3 years previous when the passports were issued? Plus I can't help but think that child traffickers might go to the trouble of getting fake passports that actually have the same name on? I suppose they know what they are doing, but it is hard to follow the logic.

I've travelled a fair bit with my kids - one has my surname, one has DP's. The only times I've been questioned about them were going into Ireland alone with them, and coming into the UK a couple of times with DP.

The immigration officer in Ireland just said to bring the birth certificates, no mention of a letter requiring permission.

On the other hand, a friend's partner put a hold on their kids leaving the country with her ex, then, they all decided to go on holiday together (v. amicable) - and they still wouldn't let the kids through, even though she was there! She had to rebook flights for the next day with them after getting it cancelled in a rush!

Always gave me a huge worry how easy it was to do! Yes it is scary, people don't like being stopped but much better than a child being abducted.