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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end this relationship? Haven't seen him in 2 weeks

58 replies

Penelope90 · 14/01/2020 08:24

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year now, we don’t live together but we’ve talked about it. We live 10 mins from each other though, 2 weeks ago I asked him if he wanted to go out but he said he was busy. Fair enough, I took a step back thinking he will plan something when he has time, didn’t hear from him for a week and then he texted him asking me how I was, a few texts back and forth. That stopped, and didn’t hear from him again. 2 weeks has gone by and I haven’t seen him.

AIBU to end this relationship? I feel like If you can go 2 weeks without seeing me given that we live 10 mins away, there’s no reason to be together?

OP posts:
DiscontinuedModelHusband · 14/01/2020 09:30

@PlanDeRaccordement

with respect, that's not really what the OP is saying - if there was a regular flow of contact (texts, calls), and good reasons for gaps in actually seeing each other (sick parents, business trips), then i doubt she'd have posted at all.

it takes less than 30 seconds to send a text, and less than 5 minutes to make a quick call, both of which are always possible whatever you are doing, wherever you are over a period of a week (unless you're in the middle of the jungle or desert, or are in hospital - either of which the OP should already be aware of).

this isn't pre-occupation with something else - it's just hoping she'll take the hint.
it takes l

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2020 09:32

This seems unrealistic to me

She's said nothing to indicate your scenarious apply, and the blokes hardly been in contact. He's basically ghosted her whilst keeping her on the back burner, so she's not being idealistic at all. You need to apply her statement to her situation,

Op just formally end it. That's what he wants you to do.

SpinneyHill · 14/01/2020 09:33

Don't contact him, he's made it pretty clear already. Move on.

FlowerArranger · 14/01/2020 09:39

"...he can't be bothered to end it properly and thinks he might as well keep you hanging on in case he's bored."

This. You are his back-up option.

You know the saying: never treat someone as a priority if they treat you as no more than an option.

FourDecades · 14/01/2020 09:40

Have you contacted him recently? Could he be thinking that you're not bothered either

ChuckleBuckles · 14/01/2020 09:59

"...he can't be bothered to end it properly and thinks he might as well keep you hanging on in case he's bored."

I agree with this, also someone else may have entered the scene over Christmas/New Year and he is testing out the waters there but keeping you in the background in case that doesn't work out. Whatever has gone on you are better off out of it, OP.

longwayoff · 14/01/2020 10:15

A work colleague was in a similar situation to yours, she in London, he in USA. From what she told us, it was clear he'd lost interest, but she wouldn't accept it without him saying so and he'd stopped taking her calls. Plane to NY, cab to apartment, nobody in. Cab to his glitzy NY law office. Refused to see her. Screaming and shouting, removed by police and driven to airport. Plane home. Don't do this O P, or anything remotely similar. Let it go. Good luck.

Urkiddingright · 14/01/2020 10:19

@PlanDeRaccordement

You wouldn’t go on a work trip or visit a sick relative without telling your partner though and you’d most likely call or text them during the period you were away too. The OP’s OH has effectively ghosted her, it’s completely different.

I think he’s already ended it without saying anything. Total coward.

Boredisboring · 14/01/2020 10:27

Maybe he thinks you're ignoring him. Who made last contact?

BossAssBitch · 14/01/2020 11:08

@PlanDeRaccordement

Confused
Original poster
Penelope90 · 14/01/2020 14:51

@PlanDeRaccordement Eh, he's not working away Hmmthe scenario you've described is completely different to my situation, the man has a 9-5 job, and lives 10 mins away.

In this situation would you be ok with your partner going 2 weeks without seeing you given that he lives 10 mins from you? Come on love

OP posts:
x2boys · 14/01/2020 15:11

Tbh I would just leave it be sounds like he can't be bothered ,i had an ex like this he just stopped phoning ,whilst it's not very nice at the time you should just keep.your dignity and walk away .

Cobblersandhogwash · 14/01/2020 15:12

So how are you going to manage this?

fortheloveofmoney · 14/01/2020 15:37

That's really cowardly of him OP, a year isn't exactly casual dating, is it? Sorry you've been treated like this. I'd send a text saying something like "I'm assuming your lack of contact means our relationship has ended, it's a shame you didn't have the balls to actually tell me. Please return my belongings by the end of the week, you can leave them outside."

EKGEMS · 14/01/2020 17:46

Yeah,right Plan he's up on a planet far,far away unable to communicate via text or phone or email or post card to tell his GF he's having a family emergency or is ill.

TheJoxter · 14/01/2020 17:53

3) as siblings get pregnant and want help with childbirth, you might leave your partner &/or children for a month to do that
You’d leave your own children for a MONTH to help your sibling give birth?? What??

TheJoxter · 14/01/2020 17:53

Bold fail Blush

Lippy1234 · 14/01/2020 18:09

I think he’s already ended it.

georgialondon · 14/01/2020 18:30

It does sound like he's already ended it.

DrivingMsCrazy · 14/01/2020 19:22

I would send something similar to @fortheloveofmoney text, pretty damn on the money.
Oh and you can ignore Plan, they've been popping up all over this site recently making bizarre and ridiculous statements, playing Devils advocate for kicks.

iklboo · 14/01/2020 19:31

3) as siblings get pregnant and want help with childbirth, you might leave your partner &/or children for a month to do that

It's highly unlikely a sibling would ask their brother to help with childbirth.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/01/2020 19:31

Ok
It appears a lot of people misunderstood what I was saying. I wasn’t applying the 2wks thing to the current scenario. Just the OPs blanket statement seemed to be said as a rule she had for all her relationships. To me that seemed a bit like the teenage wish list we all have for the perfect boyfriend as someone who HAS to be with me constantly or it’s not true love.

Driving Mrs crazy, what a mean thing to say. I don’t post bizzare and ridiculous statements. “playing Devils advocate for kicks.”. How can I be playing that when I was agreeing with a previous poster let’s scream at the Sistine who gave the exact same advice? We BOTH suggested OP ask bf what is going on to see if there is an explanation, get answers and not just end it. There is nothing bizarre or ridiculous in trying to get answers before ending a year long relationship.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/01/2020 19:34

It's highly unlikely a sibling would ask their brother to help with childbirth.

Completely misunderstood my point. I was NOT saying that that is where her bf could’ve been. Just questioning her 2 wk rule for relationships in general and for the future.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/01/2020 19:38

Yeah,right Plan he's up on a planet far,far away unable to communicate via text or phone or email or post card to tell his GF he's having a family emergency or is ill.

It’s only been 1 week if you read the OPs original post. I personally would not assume I’d been ghosted after only 1 week of no texts. Especially if I had been sending no texts like the OP. If she’d been texting and calling and no response that is entirely different from sitting by her phone and not contacting him either.

windycuntryside · 14/01/2020 19:38

The fat lady has sung.

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