To ask how much you have/will spend on a prom dress?

[Frouby]

Dds prom is this year. Shes a good kid, works hard and I want to reward her for the effort she will no doubt put in for GCSEs.

Her prom is in July and she has started talking about her prom this summer. Says girls are spending between £300-£500 on dresses, plus hair, make up, nails, shoes, limo etc etc etc.

I didn't spend that much on my fucking wedding dress.

She has also said that they are all shopping for and buying them now ready for July.

I was thinking April/May, mooch round the shopping centre, party frock from Topshop or New Look, some shoes and some new make up,hair put up by normal hair dresser. Drop her off and pick her up myself.

When did it turn into a big £1000 do for 16 year olds? She won't even actually even be quite 16! What if you can't afford it? We live in Yorkshire, in a town massively struggling as it is. How can working class people already struggling afford this? Especially if they have more than 1 dc? In particular dds?

Is dd having my pants down on this or do people really spend 1k on prom night?

That's ridiculous!! My daughters got their prom dresses from ASOS £20-£30 and did their own make up and hair which they do very well!! My eldest did have a spray tan in a salon but that was it!

It’s the school formal here in NI and we have had two! One in 5th year (year 12 here) before GCSEs and one in upper sixth (year 14).
Have a look at Sistaglam.

@rattusrattus20 what cognitive issue would people be suffering from if they chose to spend over £100?

@rattusrattus20 - not sure what the orice of a wedding dress has to do with the price of a teenager's prom frock. Within reason dd will have the wedding dress she wants. I contemplated £1200 for mine and settled on £750. It was nearly 30 years ago so go figure .

OP I think your pick up truck sounds perfect! The vehicles with the best reactions at both my DC proms were the unique ones ( tank, ice cream van ,horse box, back of a bike )

@OhTheRoses - yes, i meant prom dress.

@chipstickgirl - oh, you know. getting sucked into silly, empty, one-upmanship/keeping up with the joneses, etc. as so often gets posted on here, comparison is the thief of joy. I honestly believe that consumerism is one of the great evils of our time.

@jellybeanteaparty I so agree. My daughter and her friends went on the back of a tractor in an old farm carriage that one of the farmer dads drove. They absolutely loved it and the pictures were fabulous.

@rattusrattus20 I don't doubt for one minute that it happens. I guess the problem with a post like this is that you have no context. For some people £40 is a huge amount of money, for others it isn't and they feel ok about spending x because they have the means to do it and I guess that comes that down to personal choice and people shouldn't be made to feel bad about the choices they have made.

Where I agree with you is that people shouldn't get themselves in to debt simply to keep up with the Jones'.

Hi, my dd & I had a fab time prom dress shopping. We went to a prom dress shop which was very ott, several bridal shops plus Debenhams & an out-of-town Next. She fell in love with a £450 bridesmaids dress but didn’t actually want it as she knew it was a ridiculous amount & not a dress she would be able to wear again. She even tried on some hideous ones just for fun in the prom dress shop. Interestingly the prom shop man knew exactly what would suit her but she preferred a similar dress in the Lipsy range at Next. She’s also a kayaker & looked stunning in a dress for £90 which we got a local dressmaker to alter. She did her own hair & make-up & is not interested in spray tans. With shoes we probably spent £150 but it can all be worn again.

@chipstickgirl thanks, that's a reasonable reply.

As you often see on these threads I was probably projecting a couple of particularly egregious examples from my own experience [friends of friends etc] going absurdly over the top, spending a couple of months' family food budget on an essentially throwaway item.

At the other end of the spectrum it'd be at the stick-in-the-mud side of unecessarily prudence for someone to buy a prom outfit that was, for example, cheaper than the stuff that they or their mother typically walked around in for everyday wear.

I was more surprised at the lack of quality in the expensive dresses (full beaded the exception)

Most of them were a stretch material and fitted anywhere between an 8/16.

I certainly didn’t see £££ in them.

DD1 dress was the cheaper end and I’ve paid £30 to have it shortened and she’ll wear it out clubbing. Doesn’t seem to be many sales in the second hand market from FB posts.

The other thing is some charities do prom dress rails. Worth a look but I do think the girls hype this up as something really special they want to be part of. The preparation and excitement of feeling special and included.

They are called a 'debs' here in Ireland and are held usually when they finish secondary school so they are 17-19yrs old and it's seen as a big deal to most . We spent 600 euro on my daughter's dress and that was considered 'mid priced' in the shop. Some of her friends spent double that 🙈 Additional costs were 120 for her ticket, 10 for spray tan,20 for updo ,20 for nails as well as shoes and a bag. A lot of money for one night

It's utterly bizarre and grossly unhealthy

I disagree with you there, on both counts.

I am a very un-girly sort of woman, but I shared the excitement of my girls about their proms and found it most interesting from an anthropological pov to compare the Irish version I experienced in 1982 with the American ones of my DDs between 2008 and 2019.

Quite honestly, I see the prom experience as something with the potential to teach some important lessons about living within your means, and I also see all sorts of positives in an event in which teens get to wash up well.

Rosebel Tue 14-Jan-20 21:19:59

What the hell is an after party? Is that normal? My daughter is in Y9 so not dealing with it yet but sounds ridiculous

You get kicked out of the hotel at midnight, and you proceed to another venue. Way back in 1982 in Dublin we all piled into cars and went to a nightclub a few miles away, then traipsed into the city for breakfast at a bakery, then off to someone's house to take off our shoes and crash.

I now live in a place where people tend to have a little lake house, and it's the thing to head to a club after the hotel bit, then home to change clothes and from there off to a lakeside holiday house for a long weekend.

Were none of you ever young?

I think she just wants the glory of saying ‘my dress cost XXX’ This is my second hand is fab. As PP have mentioned loads will only have been worn once, maybe for a prom or a wedding. Sometimes you might even get it brand new with tags but still at a fraction of the price. Do Wed 2 Be do bridesmaid dresses? I ask because that’s where I got my designer wedding dress very cheaply (end of line I think)

I spent £90 on dd prom dress, we found it online through secret sales or similar so was massively reduced.
She did her own hair and makeup, my Mum paid for her nails and a family friend took her in their soft top beetle. There is no way I'd spend £1k.

There are loads of lovely prom dresses on ebay, some are made in China or Hong Kong but I do know a woman who had her wedding dress made for her by someone from there and it was perfect. They send instructions for measuring, etc.

Anyway here is one: www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Long-Chiffon-Lace-Evening-Formal-Party-Ball-Gown-Prom-Bridesmaid-Maxi-Dress-8-18/113976761468?hash=item1a898b5c7c:m:mKyUdeypDHd0CiDjB1Ra9hA

I agree with those who think the entire prom thing has got out of hand, I saw a programme a while back which showed the lengths people went to with dress, accessories and transport. It was in Essex, an affluent area.

However not everyone goes to such extremes. The important thing is that your daughter looks and feels great on the night which Im sure she will.

I dread to think what my parents would have done for me if there were proms in my day - very little I imagine. However times change and a prom is something to be enjoyed and remembered forever.

At DD's year 11 prom there were girls in £500 dresses and girls in £50 dresses. Some dresses were (IMO) hideous but I don't like bling.

DD's dress was a sleek one from TK Maxx and cost £35. We splashed out more on shoes and bag (£200 for the two) as we have the same size feet so I could borrow.

But we will then have Y13 prom next year....

This is one of the few times I am grateful that my DS has SEN. When he leaves he will have a graduation ceremony in a very beautiful cathedral then to a posh hotel for afternoon tea.

Smart shirt, trousers and shoes, all of which he already has so no extra cost.

I will attempt to wrangle a tie on him but it will be no biggie if he doesn't want to wear it.

The only thing we will have to fork out for is the afternoon tea but as DH and I will be there also, it's more of a family outing, albeit a very special one.

Reading this thread it is no wonder that so many young women want such big showy weddings nowadays.

What happens if you ask them “but what would Greta think?”.

I am AGOG at some of this spending but what do I know, my daughter is 9

Quiz is great and the sales go on all year gorgeous dresses under £100. They talk up £100s but three people I know their daughters dresses were under £50 and they all looked beautiful.

My DD doesn't want to go

Ohh you quote Greta too 😁

Don't spend more than you can comfortably afford. That's the only rule!

DD2 had a stunning shades-of-pink silk crepe draped dress from Coast that cost £250 (more than 10 years back!) and she looked stunning, but DD1 had what she wanted too, an encrusted burgundy sheath, which cost much less and came from a lady who set up in a temporary venue locally to cater.

When she tries dresses on, she'll know what looks and feels right, and so will you. Just don't let her try on anything you know you can't buy.

Best memory is trying on with DD1 and later, her coming home from uni especially to do DD2's makeup.

Enjoy! It will be wedding dresses before you know it...

Some very interesting replies on here.

I do get why some families chose to spend what they do on this. As a family we spend money on things other people would think was silly like livery and associated costs for ponies. Probably 2 months livery comes to a full on £500 dress plus hair and nails. So I get that.

Dd is a good girl, she's on track for an amazing set of GCSEs and has worked very hard all through school so want to reward that effort. And I understand enough to know it's as much about the prom dress shopping experience as the actual dress so will do my best to make her happy within what I am comfortable spending. There are some beautiful dresses online but I am willing to pay a bit more for the experience for her.

I just need to practice my "ohhhh lovely" face for the more outrageous dresses. I can't see her wearing some massive bling number personally, she likes sparkle as much as the next girl but spends most of her life either in sport leggings and a hoodie, skinny jeans or various kit for kayaking/dragonboating.