AIBU to think they are too old to share a bed?

[whatamigoingtodo789]

So my ex has started a new relationship (i have known for around 4 months, the same time as both my kids).

The new partner has 2 kids from a previous relationship that sleeps over once a week or maybe once a fortnight. A boy aged 12 and a girl aged 9.

My kids do not live with me permanently and neither does the new partner kids.

My son is 10 (turned Dec) and my daughter will be 7 is April.

The boys top and tail. Aged 12 and 10.

The girls top and tail aged 9 and 6.

They have only known these kids for less than 4 months.

AIBU to think they are too old to be sharing a bed with a kid they hardly know?

By the way my son said to me the other day that he doesnt want to be sharing a bed with this boy. Not sure if he has told my ex this. However my ex is stubborn and always thinks they are in the right whatever they do or say.

Could he get camp beds/blow up beds and your two in a room and the other two in a room. It’s not very fair on your DC at all.

Ime a judge would say they have to have their own bed. Not necessarily own room but most def own bed. Yanbu to stop overnights until he is capable of providing them with a bed. Even a camp bed /blow up one. He is of course a twat but you already know that.

I don’t think it’s wrong in itself - same sex and ages fairly close. Plus all relatively young. But if they don’t want to I would thing it’s a bad idea. Not sure how you raise it though!

Yes, that’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t have tolerated sharing a bed with my own brother at that age

Short answer. Yes, they are too old. I don't think it's a suitable arrangement. Sorry i am putting my children to bed so I ll come back later with a longer response.

Surely 10 / 12 years old is when you really start to want your privacy

Camp bed or blow up is a good call

I think it would better if she could sort out some other arrangement, perhaps air bed, perhaps bunk beds?

Many adults in new 4 month relationships aren't ready to share a bed!!

Nobody should have to share a bed unless both want to and are comfortable with it.

Yes that's totally unfair.

In the olden days they used to have 4 or 5 kids sharing a bed.

In the olden days they used to have 4 or 5 kids sharing a bed.

In the real olden days, they used to sleep on bare earth under makeshift shelters.

Things change.

Siblings likely in the Old Days. Not virtual strangers.

But kids who aren’t related and getting used to a new family dynamic?

My dad shared a bed with 2 of his brothers, but they knew nothing else and literally had no choice. They lived in extreme poverty. It does not sound like OP’s ex is in the situation and you can pick up an air bed for a few quid in Lidl.

In the olden days they used to have 4 or 5 kids sharing a bed
They would have been siblings, not Dads new gf kids.

My 9 year old DD top n tails with her friend when they come for a sleep over but I also give them the option to sleep separately if they prefer. Not sure I'd be happy with this situation though especially with the boys as I would say they are too old to share. They must be too big to get a decent sleep for one thing

These children barely know each other, I wouldn't be happy about this.

I think it's so interesting that people are assuming your ex is the dad when you haven't said that.
Is your ex the resident parent? And is your arrangement sorted between you or through the courts?
It can be so awkward to comment when you aren't the resident parent but if you feel you can say something without too much issue then I would.
As the kids get older do they have the option of staying with you more if that's something they want?

Forcing such proximity and intimacy so soon is very unfair on all 4 of these children, especially when they are probably only just getting used to the new dynamic of a new partner on the scene. If I was that age and my parent was starting a new relationship, I would much rather share a room with my sibling than with a stranger, even if that meant sleeping on the floor/on cushions/on a blow up bed/campbed/yoga mat etc.

Definitely speak to the other parents about this and ask them to give each child his or her own sleeping space when there (with emphasis on the fact your DS is uncomfortable with the situation and does not want to share).

As a one off/sleepover with a school friend/cousin etc I'd be fine with top and tailing at those ages.

But they haven't chosen chosen to sleep with the other DC (unlike say a friend from school) and its not very comfortable/welcoming as an ongoing thing. They should have their own sleeping space even if its just a fold out futon or something.

That’s ridiculous.

I don’t think she comes into this (I’ve never had an issue with sharing beds with people at any age). The point is that he doesn’t want to, he should be able to choose how much personal space he needs. Surely his father doesn’t want him to be uncomfortable in his house?

I don’t think it’s really anything to do with their ages but more so that:

• they don’t really know each other well
• it’s not something you would expect to have to do these days - much more comfortable to have some sort of fold out futon or even a blow up mattress.