AIBU to think they are too old to share a bed?

[whatamigoingtodo789]

So my ex has started a new relationship (i have known for around 4 months, the same time as both my kids).

The new partner has 2 kids from a previous relationship that sleeps over once a week or maybe once a fortnight. A boy aged 12 and a girl aged 9.

My kids do not live with me permanently and neither does the new partner kids.

My son is 10 (turned Dec) and my daughter will be 7 is April.

The boys top and tail. Aged 12 and 10.

The girls top and tail aged 9 and 6.

They have only known these kids for less than 4 months.

AIBU to think they are too old to be sharing a bed with a kid they hardly know?

By the way my son said to me the other day that he doesnt want to be sharing a bed with this boy. Not sure if he has told my ex this. However my ex is stubborn and always thinks they are in the right whatever they do or say.

If they know that there's a chance that 4 children will be staying there, surely it makes more sense to either have 2 single beds for rhe girls and 2 single beds for the boys... If they claim that "space" in the bedrooms is an issue, I'd be reminding them of these wonderful things called bunk beds...

Why do they have to stay on the same nights

I’m presuming they are sharing single beds? not that the size of the bed really makes much difference. I don’t think two boys age 12 and 10 who are unrelated and have been forced together should be sharing a bed. Two friends who choose to do this for a sleepover once in a blue moon is completely different and the child’s choice.

In this day and age i’m not sure it’s any wiser to put two children of the same sex in a bed together as it is to put kids of the opposite sex. At 12 the other boy could well have started puberty and really is too old to be sharing a bed with another child.

I wouldn’t know what the rules are but aren’t there some with regard to the need for each of you to provide each child with a bed of their own in order to have overnight stays - even if those beds are all in the same room.

Kids choosing to sleep in the same bed for an occasional sleepover is one thing but being forced to on a regular basis even if it’s just once a week or once a fortnight surely can’t be allowed.

my son said to me the other day that he doesn't want to be sharing a bed with this boy.

That's all that matters here. The debate is not important.

That's all that matters here. The debate is not important.

I agree. I wouldn't be comfortable with it, but more importantly, the kids aren't.

No no no.
My older son is 12 now and he wouldn't want to share a bed with a 10yo he doesn't know! And it's totally unfair on the 10yo, especially if he doesn't want to either.

And without wishing to be too scaremongery about it, if there's any powerplay or resentment going on between the boys, it's pretty risky having a possibly pubescent boy in with a younger one.

I wouldn't bloody do it.

They key is your ds doesn't want to do this. If all the kids were happy about it then I don't see a problem (my children of same ages choose to share beds with cousins/friends).

So your ex is the resident parent.
His gf's kids stay over twice a month. At which time they share a bed with your DC. Is that right?

It has nothing to do with age, it has to do with the fact that they don’t want to. Can’t your Ex get bunk beds or pop a mattress on the floor for the nights the stepchildren visit?

I agree, that's not acceptable - your children shouldn't have to share a bed with a stranger.

My 11 yo ds and 7 yo dd will bed share - but they know each other and are happy doing that. Neither of them would want to share with someone they didn't know. Your ex would be better with each child sharing with their sibling

I don't think they're too old. I've shared beds with my siblings well into my 20s and wouldn't think much of it to do it now mid way through my 30s.

What's important here though is that your son has SAID he doesn't want to. Consent matters. He's not too old, but he doesn't want to. So he shouldn't have to.