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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To throw away wedding memory box

86 replies

LanternLighter · 13/01/2020 17:53

Divorcing after (d)h cheated on me and have started clearing out some stuff.
I found our wedding memory box with cards, guest book, order of service, his speech etc. Tbh I would happily chuck it all in the bin but should I keep it for the dc?
Also thought about giving it to him. I had to look through it and relive the day, so he should to!
What would you do?

OP posts:

Catsrus · 13/01/2020 19:08

I'd keep them.

My albums ended up at exHs mothers - I assumed the ex had thrown them, but he asked her to keep hold of them. She asked did I want them back and I did. If the DC want to bin them when I'm gone then it's up to them - but I really enjoyed going through some of my parent's memory box type stuff after they died. Who would've guessed my dad had a war time romance (before he met DM) and kept one of the letters....

The fact that my exH changed - and met someone else doesn't rewrite MY history. My wedding was a lovely day with great memories and I was very happy married to him for many years. Some not so good years. I'm very happy now, not married to him.

The albums are a memory of a happy time, I'm not about to pretend it wasn't.

DisneyMillie · 13/01/2020 19:09

My dd has mine - she keeps it in a memory drawer and looks at it sometimes - it’s good for her to see we were in love at one point. Also have the rings which she says wants when she’s older.

FruityWidow · 13/01/2020 19:11

Keep a couple of pictures to give then children but the other stuff is just clutter.

VerbenaGirl · 13/01/2020 19:14

I kept mine from a good few years ago now, and I’m glad I did as there are memories of guests that are no longer with us.

WYP2018 · 13/01/2020 19:15

I’m in a similar situation, I got rid of everything bar the photo album which I’ve put away for our kids.

Fightingmycorner2019 · 13/01/2020 19:16

DC
Sorry !

FleaTrainerExtraordinaire · 13/01/2020 19:17

I would absolutely love to have such a thing from my (divorced, father cheated) parents.

Whatever the end result of their marriage, they are both my family and it would have meant a lot to me to have more things like this but it was all ditched at the time of the divorce.

Idonttrackpeas · 13/01/2020 19:18

Similar situation here. I have kept a single album for DC that has photos of parents together. Every other single thing that had his writing on it, included a pic of him, that he bought, or that any link to him whatsoever went in a skip. Two skips infact. It was the best and most cathartic thing I ever did.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 13/01/2020 19:21

Keep it. I put all my wedding stuff including all pics and my dress on a bonfire when I divorced and I really regret it now as my DD is really curious about it and I have nothing to show her.

riotlady · 13/01/2020 19:21

Bin it. I don’t really care what my divorced parents wedding was like!

MillicentMartha · 13/01/2020 19:25

I gave all the photos from the family photo albums with exH in them to him. But I bet he threw them away. Not my fault. I didn’t chuck them.

Thinkingabout1t · 13/01/2020 19:26

I would keep for the children, in case they want it at some point. I've thrown away once-treasured memorabilia in the past, and bitterly regretted it later. For your children, it might be helpful to see a better side of their father than they have seen recently.

TheFormidableMrsC · 13/01/2020 19:28

I had one, ironically made for me by my cheat ex-h. I was having a clearout one day (I had chucked it in a cupboard out of the way) and decided to put it in the bin pile. My DS was looking at it and looking through it (he was about 5 or 6 at the time) and asked me if I was going to throw it away. I said I was and he asked to keep it. While it was not great for me, he can't remember us being together as his father left when he was a toddler and was fascinated by it. He keeps it in his room and out of the way. I sold my wedding rings though (and his) along with everything he ever bought me. That was cathartic. It really is a personal thing and entirely up to you. If you've no DC, I'd probably bin it.

BercowsFlamingoFlownSouth · 13/01/2020 19:28

I sent all the cards from his friends and relatives back to him. The photo album I've kept for the dc.

BrendasUmbrella · 13/01/2020 19:29

I didn't keep things like speeches, order of service. Guest book is only worth keeping if your guests said things that were touching or at least articulate. If it's "Have a good day/wedding" dozens of times over, probably not worth it.

And I don't know if your kids would appreciate having to deal with their parents failed wedding admin. Anything beyond photos and marriage certificate is not likely to be interesting to anyone not in the actual wedding.

TheFormidableMrsC · 13/01/2020 19:29

Sorry I missed the bit about your DC. Could you ask them?

SashayThatWay · 13/01/2020 19:32

My Nan died recently. My mum and I were sorting through her pictures and came across my mum and dads wedding album. They've now been divorced 30 years. Both have remarried and get on well - now.

We had a mix of photo albums out at the wake, and this was one of them. It had images of all the family and family friends, and depicted a happy day in my Nans history.

Both parents and step parents were there, and spent time laughing over it together (it was the 80s... there was plenty to giggle at)

My point is, whilst you're unlikely to ever need cards etc, you don't know what the future holds. It's utterly shit now, but it's a big part of your, and your family history. Don't discount it all.

Swimmingsnowman · 13/01/2020 19:32

Speaking as a child of divorced parents I would say bin it all but maybe keep just a few photos. That was all I was interested in looking at as a teenager and since
The only thing I’ve kept from my first marriage is my wedding album (but no DC until I remarried). I would have thrown it out but a few people have died since so I’ve kept it in the loft for the memories.

MintyMabel · 13/01/2020 19:34

Keep it for your DC. It's their history too.

No it isn’t.

Anniecott · 13/01/2020 19:36

I'm another one for keep it. My parents divorced, my dad is no longer with us and mum is in a care home with dementia, I have their wedding album, bits and rings, no matter how they ended up feeling about each other, they once loved each other enough to not only get married but have me.
The pictures not only have them in but my gp's and ggp's, I have no other pictures of the ggp's to show my son. It's part of our family history and without we wouldn't be here.

Ginkypig · 13/01/2020 19:37

I have a photo from my parents wedding, I found it in a random bunch of photos when I was about 17 and I kept it, I'm so glad I did as my dad suddenly died when I was 21 and there are only a few nice photos of him and this is one of them.

Now I don't know if I'd have wanted to keep a whole box of wedding things but actually it would have been very interesting to have a look at those things just as an amusing look at the past, like what cards said or what was the menu etc because obviously after a divorce you cant ask your parents because it causes pain and even if there is no animosity between them the divorce colour how they tell the story.

bridgetreilly · 13/01/2020 19:37

Chuck it. I mean, keep a wedding photo for your children, but they really won't be interested in the rest of it.

Lovemusic33 · 13/01/2020 19:38

I found my wedding photos the other day, split with exh almost 5 years ago. I keep the photos for the dc as there are family (his side) in them which dc never see now, also my eldest dc was at the wedding as we married a year after she was born. It’s family history and they might want to look back at it one day.

ScarlettBlaize · 13/01/2020 19:39

Chuck it.

As others have said, if there are nice photos of you and the extended family, maybe keep those. But not all the other crap.

1Morewineplease · 13/01/2020 19:41

I’m with others.. keep a few photos of family and extended family for your children but bin the rest , if you feel.

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