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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To throw away wedding memory box

86 replies

LanternLighter · 13/01/2020 17:53

Divorcing after (d)h cheated on me and have started clearing out some stuff.
I found our wedding memory box with cards, guest book, order of service, his speech etc. Tbh I would happily chuck it all in the bin but should I keep it for the dc?
Also thought about giving it to him. I had to look through it and relive the day, so he should to!
What would you do?

OP posts:

PigletJohn · 13/01/2020 18:38

My mother once threw away a box after a row. My father later died and I resent her doing it.

PrtScn · 13/01/2020 18:38

Keep. My parents divorced and I have all their wedding photos and wedding rings (plus a carriage clock with their wedding date on it). I really like looking at the photos, seeing how young people were, many no longer with us etc

Umberta · 13/01/2020 18:38

It clearly doesn't spark joy. BIN!

DaphneBlake101 · 13/01/2020 18:39

I've not seen my Dad after my parents got divorced but my grandma had kept all the bumf (order of service, bridesmaid hair pieces etc., even a bill for the reception!) and gave it to me. Ultimately I threw most of it away but I did appreciate being able to sort through it for myself and decide whether I wanted to keep any of it.

MillicentMartha · 13/01/2020 18:39

I’ve still got my wedding album. It was a lovely day, all my family were there, some of whom are now dead. It’s a shame dickhead is in it, but the kids might like to look at it one day. They are unsentimental young men, though, so maybe not?

SirChing · 13/01/2020 18:39

My parents divorced, and my mum threw out every photo of the day. I really wish I had been able to keep at least a few photos. Put them away from where you might often see them, but your children may want to see them at some time

This ^

My mum and dad split when I was young. My dad subsequently died. I have one photo of him. That's it. Please keep it for your children. You are divorcing their dad. They aren't.

My mum now thinks she was selfish and childish to get rid of everything. I agree with her although haven't said it to her.

I am divorcing and exH and I have put our wedding rings, my engagement ring, photos and wedding dress away for our daughter. She is a wonderful product of that marriage and we would both do it all again to have her. She came from the marriage, so all the marriage stuff is hers.

Umberta · 13/01/2020 18:40

Ps also just to add, my parents divorced acrimoniously too and I've never felt the need to make either of them bring up those kind of memories. Your kids will make their own memories.

Drabarni · 13/01/2020 18:44

keep it in case the dc want it. Chances are they won't care less, and then you can bin it.
Do you have a trunk/ box in an attic or cellar, where you can file it as forgotten.

SirChing · 13/01/2020 18:45

Strange that some of the people who have split are saying get rid of it. Yes all of us who were kids in this situation are saying keep it. Shows that it really isn't just about the couple.

BlueJava · 13/01/2020 18:47

I'd say keep it for the DCs. Personally I'd chuck mine as I had no kids from the marriage, but if I had had children with him I'd keep it.

Angel2702 · 13/01/2020 18:50

I would want this if it were my parents. My great grandmother got divorced and destroyed everything and now we have no photos which I would still have liked it’s all part of your history regardless of the divorce. I would keep it sealed away for future generations.

Doilooklikeatourist · 13/01/2020 18:51

Bin it

aSofaNearYou · 13/01/2020 18:51

Tbh I think it would be quite weird and counter productive to show these to your kids when they need to be adapting to their parents not being together, sounds like a recipe for nothing but trouble.

If you think it would be therapeutic to throw them away then do it, if not just shove them to the back of the cupboard and leave it at that.

WhenOneDoorClosesAnotherOpens · 13/01/2020 18:51

I think you should keep it for your DC. Put it up in your loft for now, out of sight out of mind.

Franklyyes · 13/01/2020 18:51

Keep it for the DC - pack it away out of sight and let them decide what they want to do with it when they are older.
My DM threw the wedding album out and every single pic with my DF in it - including pics of me and him when I was a child. I have nothing of him and I would have liked to have kept a select few. And of them both in happier times

zafferana · 13/01/2020 18:52

Keep it for your DC. My dad cheated on my DM and they split when I was six, but I have happy memories of them being married and I treasure the few things I have from their marriage. In fact, I'm writing this sitting at their old dining table.

Oblomov20 · 13/01/2020 18:54

You don't have to keep all the paraphernalia, but please keep at least a few photos, for your kids.

june2007 · 13/01/2020 18:56

CArds I chuck but the guest list may be of interest.
And pictures,

OllyBJolly · 13/01/2020 18:57

When XH left I would happily have run over him and OW with a JCB...

However, that doesn't detract from what a happy day our wedding day was. So many of the guests are no longer with us. My late father was so handsome and my beautiful late sister was a bridesmaid.

I had 80s permed hair and XH had the bad footballer haircut and Miami Vice suit (cheap version). Piece of history!

berlinbabylon · 13/01/2020 18:59

Interestingly I found a box with all the acceptances to our wedding the other day along with our wedding cards. I am quite tempted to get rid of them, I can't see ds being interested but on the other hand people do like family history as they get older and they're not really taking up that much space. I've also still got all my 18th and 21st cards.

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 13/01/2020 18:59

I agree that there is more interest than just the wedding. My wedding photos have a lot of family members in that passed when DC were young or before they were born. They are the only photos that I have where I have all of my family together in them, so worth holding onto for that alone.

They used to make me cry, but are now just part of my history.

VioletCharlotte · 13/01/2020 19:01

I would bin it (actually, i'd burn it in a symbolic, 'letting go' kind of way, but that's me) It's cathartic to get rid of stuff like this.

I would keep a few photos for your DC though, especially ones with other relatives in, grandparents, etc as these could be interesting to look at with them in years to come.

CatteStreet · 13/01/2020 19:01

I'd keep it as a social history document/time capsule, to pass down the generations.

SarahAndQuack · 13/01/2020 19:03

Bin it if that feels right to you.

I think the emphasis on 'history' is mawkish. Unless you are tremendously important (and arguably even then), no one really needs to know their family history down to details like the best man's speech at granny/great-great-granny's wedding generations ago. It might be nice or interesting, but it's not important. Much more important is you feeling better.

Imagine how you'd feel. Will you feel a weight lifting if you chuck it? Then chuck it.

Alsohuman · 13/01/2020 19:08

Don’t throw it away. Put it somewhere out of the way and forget about it until your kids can decide if they want it or not.

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