To ask how you cope if you can't stand your in laws?

[Sparklyyear]

How do you manage things if you don't like your in laws?

I won't bore you with all the details but essentially it's got to the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room anymore. I'm sure I'm not perfect myself, but my mil quite clearly has a drink problem and is a complete martyr, plays mind games and spends all her time gossiping about people. Fil is a rude, bossy, arrogant, sexist, racist overbearing tosspot and he can't stand it that dh is no longer at at his constant beck and call. They've also made some pretty questionable decisions whilst looking after our dc.

Dh just sticks his head in the sand and makes up excuses for them/point blank denies things that have happened in front of his eyes. We've rowed about it and he just says we won't see them anymore.

Cutting contact isn't really going to happen as they are dhs parents and the dcs grandparents regardless of my feelings.

Just don't know how to manage the situation any longer.

Live in a different country and have a maximum 5 day limit on visits. Works for us and I highly recommend it.

Don’t speak to them or see them.

Minimise contact. DH can visit his parents whenever he likes but you don’t have to go. Don’t allow them to look after your DC unsupervised. I see my in-laws roughly once every 2-3 months and I just suck it up and behave politely for 4-5 hours. They NEVER look after my DC and never will.

You dont need to see them. Your DH can speak to them in the phone and take the children round. If he are invites them to yours, you can go to the shops to get forgotten items and take to your bed with a migraine.

take to your bed with a migraine.

I've tried this, they come into my bedroom to get me up

They come to my bedroom and get me up

Wow this really is a whole different level.

Get yourself a door wedge, simple thing usually used to wedge door open. Close door, wedge in place - you are safe.

Might need a secret code for DH to use to get in. Or maybe not.

I often have lots of important errands to run when they are here, or work functions to attend. I also tend to cook very elaborate meals so I can be in the kitchen. Most of all though I just don't listen very much. Just bid and smile, accept the fact they are who they are and am grateful they had and raised my wonderful husband.

Dh should just visit them on his own. However if Dh has suggested not seeing them again then why not go along with that? Your dc certainly don't need an alcoholic and a sexist, racist tosspot to influence their lives. Don't have them to visit your house.

Ask Meghan Markle

And why on earth do they have opportunity to look after your children?

Greyrock method. Don't ever discuss your personal business with them. When they ask how x is just say oh yes great and move on. If they ask what you feed kids just say usual stuff, every question gets a basic answer. Don't visit them much. Don't allow them to look after DC alone. If your DH is still speaking with them/seeing them/ then they have nothing to complain about really.

When dh says we just won't see them anymore he doesn't mean it, it's because he can't bear to challenge any of their behaviour so he just says anything.

I've suggested he visit them alone, he says they want to see us both and that they'll think something is wrong.

Leave dh to deal with them. I don’t call round or see them without dh and let him arrange stuff so basically we see them at special occasions now.

And why on earth do they have opportunity to look after your children?

They don't often to be fair, we don't rely on them for childcare or anything, it's just probably 2-3 times a year, but it's really hard if you're out on the spot.

Don't visit - your husband can do as he pleases but don't facilitate. And if they have the temerity to enter your bedroom, shout, 'How dare you! Get the fuck out!' A well-aimed book/disliked ornament might accentuate this message - might need practice to hit the target.

Greyrock method. Don't ever discuss your personal business with them. When they ask how x is just say oh yes great and move on. If they ask what you feed kids just say usual stuff, every question gets a basic answer. Don't visit them much. Don't allow them to look after DC alone. If your DH is still speaking with them/seeing them/ then they have nothing to complain about really.

This is very much what I try to do.

Trouble is I find that dh barely speaks to them in fact he doesn't say two words to his mother, it's just hellish.

If they think 'something is wrong' because you don't visit - well, it is wrong! They're wrong. If they think something is wrong with your marriage, who cares what they think? Let your husband deal with it.

Limit my self from visting them - basically just birthdays, family events. Last year only seen them 5 times, felt better for it mentally.

DH sees them after work 1/2 times a week to keep them happy, I stay out if it.

When I do see them I play actress of the year and be over the top nice to them. Kill them with kindness even when monster in law says something to offend me for example when she gave me a slimming world voucher I reply back - 'oooo lovely you should come with me also'

I know things will become more difficult as our first baby is due soon and I cant face seeing them

Katy1213 yeah j do wonder if I should worry less about upsetting them.

I like the book idea. Perhaps a lock for my bedroom door, however they visit for hours and hours.

They've even walked in when I was in bed with a sickness bug.

I know things will become more difficult as our first baby is due soon and I cant face seeing them

Oh gosh I don't want to say it but nightmare in-laws tend to get a million times worse once there is a baby.

They live very far away and I have no dealings with them.....bliss!!

I don't see them. Simples!

I've not seen mine for over 6 years now. She is a doormat and he is a bloody buffoon. Funny though, my DP hardly visits them and it was always me who suggested going down on a Sunday.

Have sweet FA to do with them!

I see my Mil as little as possible.

She’s actively rude to me whenever I do go round (I hide when I see her in town now). I’ve been out with my DM and we’ve seen her and she’s spoken to my mum but ignored me.

She won’t come round to ours (I won’t have her being rude to me in my home) so I suck it up for an hour or so at hers maybe twice a year.

She’s never looked after DD as I don’t think she’d know what to do. Plus she never keeps any food in the house and regularly accuses DH and SIL of trying to steal her money.

She’s batshit.