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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bad care from the hospital?

57 replies

Mammabee20 · 13/01/2020 14:18

Hi all I just want some advice on whether IABU or if the midwives/hospital staff are? I had my DS on the 10th January, he was born early at 34 weeks and 4 days. His growth scans has slowed right down and I couldn’t feel his movements anymore at all so I kept going in and getting checked, they admitted that yes there hadn’t been any growth between 32 and 34 weeks. I went in again and after a day of monitoring they arranged an elective c section.

The surgery itself went well and they put me into the recovery room, after about 10 mins I had a huge bleed due to clotting (sorry If it’s TMI) they put me on medicine and I’ve been better since.

They had already whipped my baby away and put him scbu for the night. He was apparently okay to join me in a room for Prem babies and mothers go stay together granted they are both healthy enough. The next day after he was born we moved onto that ward.

Since then they have advised me that mothers are basically classed as fit and well and they keep scolding me for basically bothering the midwives to chase my pain relief. I am not allowed to ring the bell in there even though the staff in there aren’t midwives they are nursery nurses so they aren’t supposed to care for me.

I have had a c section before where I went home the next day and regulated my own medicine, the only reason I am still in now is for my son which I get but to chase my own medication all the time is just ridiculous.. I had to ask them ten times if I was on iron after the major bleed.. I keep having problems going for a number 2 and they aren’t concerned (again TMi sorry) They neglected to tell me that the gauze over my incision had to come off within 48 hours of the surgery as well so now I’m worried I’m going to get an infection. When I had my DD in 2018, a health visitor came to the house the next morning and removed the gauze so I thought it had to be a medical professional.

I even asked If I could take my own medicine so I didn’t have to bother them and they said no as they want to monitor what you are taking Sad I’m already feeling way too much pain as they keep leaving it too long before my meds to come see me. And in amongst all this I am trying to spend time with DS and help him thrive so we can leave this hellhole and spend time with my DD when she visits too

My AIBU is does this sound like bad care or am I being dramatic? Sad

OP posts:
CarolinaPink · 13/01/2020 16:13

Terrible care. It sounds very much like the 'care' that my aunt received recently when she spent almost two months in hospital. Crossing my fingers that you soon get home with your wee DC Flowers

PixieDustt · 13/01/2020 16:20

Omg awful care!
Agree about contacting PALS. I once had to email them at about 2am in the morning by 11am that day the problem was sorted. They're super quick to respond!

PixieDustt · 13/01/2020 16:21

Congratulations on your DS aswell.
It's a shame they are ruining your bonding time.

diddl · 13/01/2020 16:26

That's awful.

Sounds as if you are in the wrong room as you aren't fit to be there.

OrangeSlices998 · 13/01/2020 16:26

Angry for you OP. As someone else said ask about skin to skin, why do they have a routine of when you can touch your baby? He’s YOUR baby! If he has feeds at regular times get a copy of these and note them for yourself so you can express/feed him to that.

Get some painkillers, have a big cry if you need to and then tell the nurse looking after him ‘I would like skin to skin with my baby, I need you to help me to do that’

Sending big hugs. And think about PALS your care matters xxxxx

Wheresthebiffer2 · 13/01/2020 16:37

I hate how hospitals are like factories - and you have to fit in with their routines. my baby was born at 3am by emcs and at the morning drug trolley round, i was still completely frozen from the spinal, so declined their drugs. but later in the day, i started to thaw, and feel pain - and when i asked for some, was made to feel like a complete inconvenience to them - because the drug trolley wasn't due yet. they sighed and huffed and eventually got a junior doctor to come and prescribe me something for my pain. (but it was simply cos I had no idea how their system worked. i didn't know there was only two opportunities per day to get pain relief.).

Grumbley · 13/01/2020 16:43

OP I completely empathise as I had similar, postnatal care is quite frankly an absolute fucking shambles. Part is being short staffed, part is incompetent and lazy staff. Can you imagine another ward where people following major surgery are asked to administer their own medication and keep track of it? Do you have anyone who can come in and support you? I would say speak to someone, but in my experience they are all as useless as eachother.

clairefrasier · 13/01/2020 16:45

OP, I have not read the whole thread but if you are constipated you can buy Lactulose over the counter at chemist. That will help you pass it. I am not a doctor so you may need to check with someone first, but this is what I was advised to do after having a baby and couldn't go to loo.

btw. YANBU - I really think NHS maternity wards are grossly understaffed/underfunded which means that we are not getting enough support. It's not their fault though - it's the government.

Bert2020 · 13/01/2020 16:53

So sorry you are in this position. Definitely get someone to bring you painkillers in. Will be the first thing in my hospital bag!

SingingSands · 13/01/2020 17:13

What a mess. Which NHS Trust is this?

PlomBear · 13/01/2020 18:52

Can you imagine a man being given two paracetamol after major abdominal surgery? Or being discharged 24 hours later? 🤬

eminencegrise · 13/01/2020 19:10

Can you imagine a man being given two paracetamol after major abdominal surgery? Or being discharged 24 hours later? 🤬

Or being told to fetch their own meals, make their way down to another unit alone to see their babies (a woman in Edinburgh died doing that), sit in a hard chair next to their baby for hours on end, left with literally no treatment? No, can't see that ever happening to men at all.

Wishforsnow · 13/01/2020 19:16

Sounds like standard post natal NHS care. Complain to Pals you poor thing. It's so cruel the nurses aren't caring for you and you haven't been discharged

BelieveInPeople · 13/01/2020 19:17

Awful care (and I say that as a midwife) - it will not help that your hormones will be all over the place at the moment. Ask to speak to the consultant in charge of your care (you will have a consultant if you’ve had a caesarean) or the midwife in charge of the ward of speak with PALS - if possible see if your family/friends will be with you as it can be really disempowering when you’re in hospital. Nothing you’re asking for is unreasonable at all - there’s no excuse for not communicating with you about your baby’s care or failing to meet your pain relief needs. I hope you and your little one are well enough to go home soon

DeathStare · 13/01/2020 19:22

Do you have a partner/parent/friend who is visiting who could go to the main post-natal ward and complain? It might be better if someone could talk directly to the people who need to be seeing you

Mumtown · 13/01/2020 19:24

Threaten to sue. We’ve had to do it several times to receive proper care. Once it literally saved a family member’s life (they called us for help after being told to go home and come back for an appointment for a week later by which point they would have been dead and buried).

Grumbley · 13/01/2020 19:34

@PlomBear it's disgusting isn't it. I didn't eat until my DH came back in from popping home because I was attempting to establish breastfeeding and there was 20 minute windows for meals, if it wasn't for the sake of my baby, I would have taken the IVs out myself and discharged myself.

Original poster
Mammabee20 · 13/01/2020 21:05

Hi all quick update my amazingly wonderful darling fiancé went and told the midwife what was what.. I didn’t even tell him too, I was just in absolute tears and I said I’ve spent the last week in hospital fighting for my babies life because they didn’t think he was ready to come out but he wasn’t growing at all and all I could think was that he was going to die.. now I don’t think I am going to come out of this hospital alive either and they don’t! Our DD was getting fussy so he offered to take her for a walk and through my tears I said fine.

Next thing I know the midwife comes waltzing in obviously feeling very put out and says that she was quite shocked and upset that my DP had spoken to her like that as she has been in 3 times to see me this morning and that she has more than 9 other patients to see. I said well I am grateful that he has I have to keep chasing all of my meds, I keep asking about not being able to go to the toilet and none of you seem to care, this has been going on for a week since I had him (I was an inpatient before I had him) she said but that’s not me today.. I said I don’t care, you all hand over to each and you have run over with my meds which has left me uncomfortable.

I said granted it is not all your fault but I am trying to care for a premature baby and I feel like I am failing at that because you are failing at my care. She very quickly went into her box and said well I don’t deal with the baby’s the nursery nurses in the room do and if you do need anything from me at all, you can walk to the labour ward reception desk and ask or get one of the nursery nurses to find me (weirdly like their jobs don’t matter either)

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 13/01/2020 21:13

Sounds like appalling care to me. I had similar bloody minded care and that was 25 years ago!
Crikey.. I thought we’d moved on!
Keep haranguing them!

Original poster
Mammabee20 · 13/01/2020 21:19

Suffice to say the evening care has been great! The evening midwife on shift came in and told me the times of my meds and asked me if I wanted anything, she asked me how my bowel movements were and if I had had any action, she then did my observations and told me what time she would be back

She even told me what time I was due my iron tablets.. I had to ask twenty times before they confirmed whether I was on it or not. That’s one thing that bothered me taking stuff and not knowing what it is because they weren’t informing me of it

OP posts:
Oldknees1 · 13/01/2020 21:24

Disgusting care. I was the same with regards to pain relief after a c-section. I was in for 4 days and constantly asked for pain relief, they even said at one point they had lost my notes so I would have to wait ! My husband ended up buying me paracetamol etc and I just took it and no one asked or etc. I was also sent out with such a low iron I needed a blood transfusion and ended up returning the day after I was discharged. I was told not to ring the bell to ask for help getting my baby in and out of his cot to feed/change after my op at night time as I was in so much pain to lift myself up and bend to pick him up as they were short staffed. It's put me off having anymore children due to the care I received and I am so sorry you are receiving disgraceful care also.

Original poster
Mammabee20 · 13/01/2020 22:40

@Oldknees1- oh my god! I am so sorry to hear that you went through this Sad I had undiagnosed gallstones with my daughter and I was losing weight slowly at first, I lost a stone throughout the whole pregnancy and then a further stone 4 weeks after she was born, whilst recovering from a c section I had an attack and came out in jaundice, this is probably the reason why I am so concerned about getting the right care.

I hope you find the support you need and I’d definitely sue or complain because not being able to face having anymore children as a result of the care you received should be claimable in my opinion!

I had to go to a birth matters meeting to discuss what went wrong in my last labour because I felt like I left the hospital not knowing why I ended up with a CS.. the gallstones didn’t help apparently. The issue is whilst pregnant you are technically primarily under a midwives care or a consultant depending on health etc and the same after the baby is born Angry

I ended up coming out with jaundice, clay coloured stool and the gallstones attack 4 weeks after she was born before they would look at me and even then they sat on the fence having no idea what it could be (I was worried I was dying) then they agreed to do a MRI the month after 😢

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 14/01/2020 09:27

It's great they seem to be stepping up, but it's appalling it took your OH to make them take notice.

Evilspiritgin · 14/01/2020 09:53

I’m glad they are stepping up but it’s a great shame they weren’t able to in the first place, when my dm was in hospital last May it was amazing how her treatment by nurses changed When my sister and I had words with the staff nurse in charge about her, my dm worked for years as a nurse and treated everyone like she’d want one of her own family to be treated,

The more I read about the nhs and nurses in particular is that goods ones are a dying breed

Original poster
Mammabee20 · 14/01/2020 10:53

Hi all quick update, the midwife I had last night was amazing, she was telling me what my tablets were when I got them and then she told me what time she would be back in to give me my next ones and she did everything on time so I wasn’t having to chase or be sat there in absolute pain and discomfort. It was amazing because I slept so much better too because I wasn’t on edge

OP posts: