Should I send flowers to this funeral??

[Welshmaenad]

Been dating a new guy for a month. All going extremely well and I'm VERY happy.

On Monday I'm accompanying him to his Nan's funeral. I didn't meet her but offered to be there to support him if he wanted and he was really glad of it. His family are aware and happy that I'm going although it will be a fairly small congregation.

I've checked the listing on the funeral directors website for postcodes etc and it says 'flowers welcome'. Do you think I should send a small posy etc? Or would that be weird as I never met her? I just think it's nice when there's a small funeral that there's a decent amount of flowers for the family to see the person was loved.

Help!!

I wouldn’t, but there might be an additional collection after the service, so I’d pop something in there.

I would do as you said, and send a small posy.

I would, I don't think it's mandatory but personally it's something I would do.

YY to rembering to have money on you for the collection.

No, give money to the family's chosen charity instead. It's a better use of your money than flowers.

Very thoughtful gesture. One more bunch can only be received positively

I wouldn't, a donation to which every charity they designate in the collection afterwards is far more appropriate I think.

I wouldn't do flowers if I'd never met her and you've only been dating a month. Yes to a donation though.

No.

No. You didnt know her and you are already going to the funeral. That's enough imo.

How about flowers to his mum instead in a “thinking of you” way and then yes a donation in the service, often these are for a charity that the deceased supported.

Funeral isn't in a church so no collection plate - no charity mentioned so not sure if they're doing one but I will ask him.

Sadly his mum died 14 years ago - he has two uncles, and them him and his brother who are the main mourners.

If they've said flowers welcome I'd send them. In my experience that's fairly unusual wording as it's more common to try to reduce the flowers.

I would send a small bunch , can you find out what flowers his nan liked ?
It may be a idea to put your fellas name on the card too as there is a chance some will not know your name as your relationship is new the may wonder who Welshmaenad is

They've said flowers welcome and not mentioned donations so I'd say it is entirely appropriate to send a small posy if you wish.

I don't think asking about charities given they haven't been mentioned would be though.

I'd send a small posy, I think it would be a thoughtful gesture. Agree with others who said many people now ask for a donation to charity rather than flowers.
At my dear Aunt's recent funeral she'd requested no flowers and instead there was a collection for a Ugandan children's charity she'd supported - more practical, and the collection raised about £500 I think.

I think as a family member I’d be a bit as you didn’t know her during her life. Perhaps a round of drinks for close family at the wake would be appreciated?

I wouldn't. Noone looks at the flowers anyway really and it sounds a bit odd to do flowers for a stranger whose grandson you have known for 28 days....

It would seem like an over-large gesture from someone dating her grandson for a month.

Please don’t, you never knew the woman, you barely know your date, you’re there as support, it’s not appropriate.

Also there is often collections at non church services, I’ve seen plenty at crematoriums, funeral directors, just a box at the entrance.

As you are going to support your fairly new boyfriend, would it not be more appropriate for his flowers to be from the two of you?

No, I wouldn't send flowers if you never met her. At the last two crematorium funerals I've been to there's been a box for donations on the way out, although given it seems it will be a very small funeral perhaps the family haven't thought about charity donations.

As the family have said ‘flowers welcome’ then yes. Lots of pp seem to be basing their response on the more common request for family flowers only and donations to x charity but that isn’t what the family have asked for here.

I just think it's nice when there's a small funeral that there's a decent amount of flowers for the family to see the person was loved.

But you didn't/don't love her

Please, whatever you do, do NOT ask about charitable donations. It is really rude to start assuming grieving families are doing charities. It may be more common these days but it is something for the family to bring up if they wish.