about how he texts me?

[iyalove]

I started speaking to a man last year who I ended up dating for a bit, but I called it off because I moved to another city. All amicable.

He then started speaking to me before Christmas, and we resumed seeing each other, because I moved to a different (closer) location to work.

He would send multiple messages in one go and I would reply whenever I was available, definitely in 2 days.

He does the same.

However, this week he was been sending replies to the messages I sent last week sporadically. Say there was 15 messages

• He sent 5 Monday
• 5 Tuesday
• 2 Wednesday
• 3 Thursday

... and waiting for a reply to the last 6!

He says he's very busy with work - but so I am.

AIBU to think sending out messages one by one is a bit odd?

The messages are long. We send about 15 in one go.

If I replied to them in all one go, it would take 2 hours.

I know this because it's how we used to text

All of your latest update sounds like how people communicate at work rather than in a romantic relationship.

I think email or phone calls might get round this issue.

The relationship doesn’t seem like it is progressing and if you are looking for a relationship then best to move on

OK so before it was more like one long message to him, one long message back but now it's just lots of short messages here and there?

How often do you see each other op, or speak on the phone?

I don't understand why you send 15 messages in one go?

Do you ever find the time to actually speak to each other?

Do you actually like him?

But ... like it would take you two hours of non stop typing to answer 15 messages?

I text like this to people I don’t really care about. My boyfriend and close friends get instant replies or virtual daily/constant communication but with others I definitely just reply once a day.

If anyone sent me 15 messages in the trot without me responding I'd think they were bonkers

Sending 15 messages in a row is you basically having a conversation with yourself at that point

What a bizarre way to communicate. The approach of both of you would drive me bonkers!

Maybe he takes so long to reply because he's learning new words to make a conversation stretch out over 15 messages a time

15 texts at a time? No wonder he’s not replying. That would do my head in! Sounds like he’s just not that into you.

This sounds like no romantic relationship I've ever come across.

Maybe you should just see each other and have a conversation? Make sure you have a fixed agenda and someone there to take the minutes.

Huh?
I wouldn’t even read a text longer than 2 lines! Let alone write an equally as long reply!

Sounds like you’re confusing texts with emails! If you’ve got that much to say why can’t you just phone and speak to each other?

Bizarre

@SleepingStandingUp

No the messages are still the same length.

We've always spoken like this. The messages aren't small talk, they're about topics. The 15 messages are me replying to his 15 messages, it's not just a random thing I did 😂

Appreciate that not many people do this, but we do, even when we were in a serious relationship. It's a way of sharing what we think about different stuff in between seeing each other. Small talk irritates me

If I’m being honest, the long conversations is the reason you wait so long for a reply. Who needs to discuss 15 different topics of conversation at once, especially over text?

So do you mean you might send him a massive message about your views on X political thing. And then one on X work thing and he’s replying to these? So it’s like lots of conversations and it’s not linear?

Sounds like you need Twitter - that’s the place for pontificating over lots of messages

I think I must be ancient or something as this really makes no sense to me! Surely you send 1 text and wait for a reply before sending more? Or is it more like a stream of consciousness type thing? Either way it seems a frustrating way to try to have a relationship tbh

I don't understand why you're using text for the type of communication you're doing.

Text messages, by their nature, are for short, non-urgent, non-emergency Comms. That's why they're sometimes delayed (I've had e.g. bank authorisation text messages appear the following day when I tried to log into online banking on a friend's computer!).

It sounds like you are both using the wrong method to talk tbh.

Anyone sending me 15 messages in 1go that I could only access on 1 device (my phone) would just get ignored. Who's got time for all that noise and then using a phone keyboard to write long, long replies?

You'd be better off talking on the phone. Or emailing.

Or if you want easy delivery/read status info, maybe Facebook Messanger? Of what's app. Because then it can be saved as well as easily accessible on multiple devices.

I just don't understand why you're doing long chats like you have been.

I think I've sent about 5 texts in 2020, mostly akin to:

Me: "Get me extra chip shop sauce!!"
DH: "on it".

That's it!

Short. Factual. Non-urgent.

Is it more like a stream of consciousness type thing

Oh god, I have a relative like this. I'm not sure if she's typical of a younger generation I don't understand or just a bit self absorbed, but although she's generally lovely, I once got my phone back from the security locker after a normal 8hr shift to find 26 missed messages (26!). I panicked thinking all the worst only to find it was a deluge in response to my asking "good luck with job interview, go ok?".

If anyone sent me 15 messages in the trot without me responding I'd think they were bonkers

I can’t even picture what this looks like, OP - give us some examples?

So do you want him to text more of less? It's difficult to decipher. You say he replies one at a time rather than all together, but then you say to reply to all texts together would take about 2 hours. Maybe he doesn't have 2 hours in one sitting, so that's why he spreads out his responses.

What would you like him to do? And wouldn't you be bettee of talking to him about it?

i think i've asked the wrong demographic here, maybe it's a generational thing. the messages we send aren't unusual compared to friends my age.

So you send 15 long messages on 15 different topics and then he replies and now he's what?

How old are you OP that were all too old / young to understand?

Is it just a long distance relationship?

Do you mean you send 1 long text, that is the character equivalent of 15 messages? Or do you send 15 1 or 2 liners in a row?

But if you don't reply to him for 2 days, presumably because it takes 2 hours to text him everything you want to say, then why are you bothered that he texts every day, just shorter messages. Maybe he can't afford 2 hours any evening to sit down reply and then wait for 2 days for you to respond to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

What do you actually want him to do? You still haven't really explained.