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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move house because of cheeky fucker neighbours?

61 replies

bluetongue · 10/01/2020 05:49

I’ve been in my current house about six years. One next door neighbour has always been an issue. It’s been so bad I’ve had to have counselling about in the past (I have chronic depression already.)

I thought they’d left me alone and the problems were in the past. It seems not. A few days ago they decided to start up again. They are the kind of people that can’t be argued with and think they’re better than everyone else because they have money. I’m exhausted. I’ve tried fighting them in the past but I think I’m done. My mental health has taken a battering and I’ve had to have two sick days this week.

Life is too short for this isn’t it? I’m pretty sure this is it and I’m going to sell.

To be honest I can’t really afford the work that needs doing on this house anyway and was already considering selling.

OP posts:
Mlou32 · 10/01/2020 07:45

Can't you get this lawyer friend of yours to write a letter to the neighbour threatening legal action for harassment? Also contact police re harassment and bullying.

gamerwidow · 10/01/2020 07:46

No don’t make anything legal because you’ll have to declare it if you do decide to move.

Hellishneighbour · 10/01/2020 07:56

Definitely move. Our quality of life in our own home has been zero for years due to our neighbour. Though it includes several Court convictions against them and restraining orders, so on a different scale ( hopefully) to yours. If we could have moved at the start our lives would be very different. You are lucky you can, do it.
As pp said you only have to disclose legal disputes so moving before it escalates is sensible. Good luck

Original poster
bluetongue · 10/01/2020 08:02

On the subject of declaring disputes I’m not in the UK so that doesn’t apply here (thank god).

I’ve actually got an appointment with a lawyer next week to get some advice on how to deal with them.Will be telling the lawyer that I just want to do whatever keeps them off my back until I move (within reason of course.) They are the types that will swear black is white if you get my drift rather than ranty sweary characters so I just need to keep them happy.

Someone upthread mentioned moving and my mental health. I agree it’s not ideal but it’s definitely the lesser of two evils in this case.

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 10/01/2020 08:03

It’s not just legal disputes as noise is also protected @ EmeraldShamrock

HazelBite · 10/01/2020 08:03

I have a lovely friend who became a gibbering wreck due to her neighbour's craziness. Their home was lovely and they had been settled there for years, but the change in her once they moved was immense, I think that if they had stayed she would have had a breakdown.
Don't suffer OP, you can never win with these type of people as they thrive on causing trouble,
Good luck Flowers

Fairyflaps · 10/01/2020 08:19

This sounds like a positive course of action.
When I was suffering from depression and anxiety triggered by problem neighbours, working through CBT helped me work out that my best solution would be to move. Unfortunately, we couldn't afford to do that. You are lucky that you can, and it means you can take back control of the situation. Good luck in finding the house of your dreams and nicer neighbours.

Kernowgal · 10/01/2020 08:21

I moved due to noisy neighbours who’d made my life a misery and have no regrets. Am now somewhere peaceful and finally starting to relax. It’s amazing how much it gets to you, though - I am still very nervous about noise from next door.

Straycatstrut · 10/01/2020 08:21

If they have so much money why don't they get their own home built in the middle of nowhere if they have such a problem with you?

I really feel for anyone who has problem neighbours. Some are downright abusive. The book "The Magpies" really highlights how manipulative they can be, it's fascinating. Really gripping story.

I'd move if you can OP. Some neighbours just seem to really get off on causing people grief.

Needmoresleep · 10/01/2020 08:43

You can't fight unreasonable people.

We moved years ago when we had a very sick, failing to thrive baby, and the modern terrace house next door was bought by the rich parents of a boy who had a band, who used the house to practice for days at a time, drum kit and all.

Don't use solicitors or make complaints to the Council, as then you will have to declare a dispute. If you can, just move. Our CF spoilt-brat neighbour is long gone and almost forgotten.

olivertwistwantsmore · 10/01/2020 08:44

Why can't you just ignore them? Don't get drawn into anything they say? Ignore any letters.

Without examples of what they're actually doing, it's hard to advise.

Having said that, if whatever they're doing is affecting so badly, it might be best just to move. But bear in mind there are people everywhere and you will have other neighbours...

Original poster
bluetongue · 10/01/2020 08:55

Thanks for the best wishes Fairyflaps Flowers

I have shown a psychologist in the past some of the letters I have received and in her words my neighbours are ‘batshit crazy’ and ‘not rational’. How can I fight that?

I’m not exactly sure which area I want to move to at the moment so will probably rent for six months or so until I get my head together. I do have pets which makes everything a bit harder but it’s all still doable and better than staying.

OP posts:
bakewreck99 · 10/01/2020 09:04

I’d move too, you’ve tried to resolve it and it’s not as though you are running at the first sign of trouble. I know people always say running away is a bas idea but some situations are not fixable any other way without it becoming a pyrrhic victory and this sounds like one of them.

RightEarlobeBreath · 10/01/2020 09:16

I would move too. Life is too short to suffer at the expense of people you can get away from. I coincidentally moved away for reasons unrelated to my awful neighbour and I didn’t realise how much they’d affected my mental health until I was away from them.

Original poster
bluetongue · 10/01/2020 09:19

To give everyone an idea of how much this is getting to me, I’ve actually been feeling physically sick about it all today and I’m having trouble eating. That’s no way to live Sad

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 10/01/2020 09:28

In the meantime google "grey rock".

Some people thrive on conflict. If you can't get away from them maintain a polite distance and don't give them anything to feed off. They should eventually lose interest and find another target.

hallohallohallo · 10/01/2020 09:30

I have a neighbour from hell and from my experience it does not get better. These type of people thrive on conflict and upset. If you can move then definitely do it. Life is too short. Good luck! Flowers

Greeni · 10/01/2020 09:36

I moved house due to awful neighbours and I’m so much happier. Moving is a pain but worth it.

Doubletrouble99 · 10/01/2020 09:36

Another vote for selling up. Do take legal advice on exactly what needs disclosing to a prospective buyer though. I would also say that your mum is right in suggesting you go to your G.P. they don't just had out medication for depression. They can also refer you to specific counselling and other ways of improving your mental health. It would also be no bad thing to have a record of how this is affecting you on your medical notes just in case things get nasty. Good luck x.

Original poster
bluetongue · 10/01/2020 09:40

I pretty much have been doing ‘grey rock’ Needmoresleep for the last couple of years and I thought it was working most of the time. I hate conflict!.

It seems I made the mistake of being friendly and saying hello to them on the footpath recently. They seemed friendly at first but soon started on again about their grievances before sending me the most recent, unpleasant letter. Obviously they’re not going to give up on this.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 10/01/2020 09:56

When you move, make a large bonfire of their letters.

Good luck!

Cocobean30 · 10/01/2020 09:59

Is it possible for you to put your house for sale without putting a sign up outside your house. I suspect if they know you are moving they might try to sabotage you? Best of luck x

EmeraldShamrock · 10/01/2020 09:59

It’s not just legal disputes as noise is also protected
Only if there is a paper trail maybe a letter of complaint from the council. As long as there is no official compliant made there is no proof for the new buyers.
Word of mouth wouldn't prove it.
Have you had any complaint letter from anyone official OP.

TheReef · 10/01/2020 10:00

Just move, I would, you can't argue with stupid

Original poster
bluetongue · 10/01/2020 10:14

Cocobean that is exactly what I’m going to try and do. Only trouble is I might need to disclose my intention to sell to avoid further harassment. I actually think they’d probably play ball to get rid of me.

I’ve already spoken to an estate agent today that thinks I might be able to sell without much advertising. Just need to get started on the deep clean and de-cluttering Grin

OP posts: