To be done with bil + his gf?

[Fairydust00999]

Would you have expected a good luck, or hope it goes well text the day of surgery from bil and his gf?
Ive had surgery yesterday, (my first general surgery), nothing from Either of them, considering his gf has had a few surgeries on her leg and we've always text her a nice message beforehand.

I didn't get my 30th acknowledged by them either which I was a bit upset about.
Even when they came to our house on DS first birthday a week after mine, saw the 30 balloons... Nothing!

Then between this OH had a hospital admission, and I got a barrage of abuse from bil blaming me for the admission and the flare up of my OHs long term Condition.
I blocked him from WhatsApp that night as I couldn't take anymore, and taken them off social media.

I've been with my OH for 7 years now, and I've always had this attitude on and off from bil (certain situations, I've been told off and spoken to quite poorly). It's almost like he doesn't think I'm good enough for his brother.

Aibu in telling my OH that I'm done with them...?
I don't want to come between them as brothers, but I can't have them in my life at the moment.

You can't expect everyone to go out of their way to give you good wishes, most people just aren't like that. You obviously are but it was your choice to send goodwill messages and not right to be irked that they are not reciprocated. When something is given it is either given in a good grace and forgotten or not given at all - never let your right hand know what your left is doing. You don't have to do it any more.

I'm more concerned about this: "I got a barrage of abuse from bil blaming me for the admission and the flare up of my OHs long term Condition". Why? What gives him the right to criticise you and why did he think that?

Also concerned about him turning up at the hospital in drink and your mother in law driving there drunk! What sort of people have you got yourself involved with?

I got a barrage of abuse from bil blaming me for the admission and the flare up of my OHs long term Condition

Surely this is the significant bit (have you posted about these people recently?). It sounds like you have a really bad relationship with them so of course they're not going to ask after your medical appointments!

I never message my BIL or his wife on their birthdays (and they don't to me either). Also I get that 30 is big to you, but you turning 30 isn't anything of note to anyone else. We're not close to BIL and his family so we'd only find out he was having an operation or something second hand through MIL who likes to pretend the family are close, it wouldn't cross my mind to message them. You might need to accept they don't see you as close as maybe you do them.

I had a major op last year, 8 weeks recovery.
Wouldn’t occur to me to expect BIL & wife to contact me.

I’ve also had two big b.days & I wouldn’t expect them to do anything for me even though we do all get on well. We have busy lives so, given your situation, I don’t understand why you expect anything from them.

Given his treatment of you in other areas, YANBU to not want anything more to do with him. I think YABU to expect a text for the surgery or a birthday card unless you have a close relationship with him (which you clearly don’t). I would have no idea when my DH’s sibling’s spouse’s birthdays are if I wasn’t good friends with them and Facebook didn’t remind me.

Why would you expect a thinking of you text, when clearly they aren’t thinking of you? You are coming across as a bit two faced! You say you send them this type of message, but reading between the lines it is just for show as you aren’t really bothered.
I would expect this type of texting and reaction from a teenager, not someone who is 30! However, probably better to just be done with them, even though I would be surprised if they actually notice or care, so that you aren’t feeling so bad about things.

I've been with my OH for 7 years now, and I've always had this attitude on and off from bil (certain situations, I've been told off and spoken to quite poorly). It's almost like he doesn't think I'm good enough for his brother.

So why on earth did you expect a text?

I don't think my sil or myself have ever sent good luck texts for procedures we've had , I honestly think you're overthinking this