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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... or just completely bloody stupid to do a pregnancy test??????????

27 replies

kizzie · 28/08/2007 20:58

Long story BUT...

8 years ago had twin boys following IVF.

Boys gorgeous but didnt feel 'finished' with children (if that makes any sense) and would have dearly loved more. For various reasons more fertility treatment not an option. (DH had failed Vas Reversal)

2 years ago went long way down the line with adoption but because still having withdrawal probs from small dose of AD's couldnt go through final stages.

Anyway..............
In all those 8 years Ive had a few tears and many 'oh well' moments when my period has arrived. But Ive never seriously considered that a miracle could have happened and I might be pregnant.

Until - last week.... I cant describe it but I just 'felt' pregnant. I had a metallic taste in my mouth, huge sore boobs and felt sick when I went anywhere near toothpaste. I cant believe I let myself think 'maybe' but for 2 days thats exactly what I did.
And then when my period was a day late I WENT TO BOOTS AND BOUGHT A TEST!!!!!!!

It was negative (of course) - and 2 days later my period started.

So there you go - no baby.

I cant belive I even let myself think for a moment that there could have been.

Anyway - sorry for long note. Just wanted to get all that out. Because dont really feel like i can talk to anyone in RL about it.

Kizziex

OP posts:
tori32 · 28/08/2007 21:04

Thats not silly, much stranger things have happened.
You obviously desperately want more children and have obviously got hope it may happen. After vas reversals it is possible. Also, just because you had twins with IVF does not mean there is no natural chance. If I had £10 for every person I know who first had a baby through IVF, then concieved naturally accidently I would be rich!!!er!!

Donk · 28/08/2007 21:04

Neither
Just human.....

Bibis · 28/08/2007 21:07

I'm so sorry to read this, I thought when I started reading your post that you had the result you wished for, if I could change it for you I would. I have been there and done that as well.

I wish you every luck and hope that if it doesn't happen that you can get over it and life a fulfilled life.

Good Luck

Twinklemegan · 28/08/2007 21:12

Oh Kizzie I'm so for you. We were trying for four years before we had DS and I had several occasions where I really thought I "felt" pregnant, even to the point of my period being up to 2 weeks late. Invariably my period arrived within a day or two of a negative test. It was heartbreaking.

I don't really know what else to say, just that I think I know a little of how you are feeling. Of course you might have been in the very early stages of a pregnancy, who knows. Maybe it's a good sign. But the body can also play cruel tricks on us, especially when we want something so so much.

My only advice to you is to try really hard not to dwell on it, which I know is much easier said than done. HTH.

Original poster
kizzie · 28/08/2007 21:21

thanks everyone for the kind works.

I feel almost guilty for hoping so much over the last few days. I'll never forget the agony of not knowing if the IVF would ever work and I know how incredibly lucky we are that we have our boys. But thats sort of my 'rational' head - my heart still says I want another child.

After suffering from horrendous PND (which drs think was caused by the 'come down' after the particularly high doses of fertility drugs I needed) and then a twin pregnancy, and then withdrawal probs - I really do have a lovely life. Lovely children, fab DH, good job - so I dont sit around all day thinking about it - but its just 'there'.

I often wonder if 'it' will just go away one day. If i'll maybe wake up as a granny or a great aunty or whatever and that 'want' will have disappeared.

Or maybe I'll get a puppy and walk it out of me (Im only half joking there - I know what people now by their dogs being their baby substitute .

Thanks for letting me rabbit on. xxxxxx

OP posts:
ChocolateandCheese · 28/08/2007 22:00

Hi feel for you, and know where you are coming from. All three of mine are ICSI babies and still each month I hope for an 'accident'. Take care x

Lovecat · 29/08/2007 10:07

Oh, Kizzie I know exactly how you feel - our dd was a 2nd time around ICSI baby and at 41 with bob hope of it happening, I still feel my boobs tingle each month and want an 'accident'. Look after yourself and rabbit away as much as you like

Original poster
kizzie · 29/08/2007 15:49

Thanks lovecat and Chocolateandcheese.

I tried to talk to my mother about it once but shes very much of the 'be grateful for what you've got' school and couldnt understand what i was going on about.

My BF knows how much id love to get pregnant and I sometimes joke about it with other friends - but theres only so much you can go on about the same thing before you really just need to get on with life.

Anyway - thanks again for all the messages.

If you see me starting a smiliar thread at exactly the same time next month try and get me banned!!

Kizziex

OP posts:
kerrykatona · 29/08/2007 19:27

"I often wonder if 'it' will just go away one day. If i'll maybe wake up as a granny or a great aunty or whatever and that 'want' will have disappeared"

kizzie i could have written that myself, my circumstances are diffrent to yours but i really do know that felling you talk about. its also "there" with me.

Shoshable · 29/08/2007 19:45

Kizzie, your quote is so true, after losing two babies shortly after birth and countless miscarriages over 16 years, I so desperately wanted another baby, it was all I thought of, although I had a healthy 17 year old son.

Then that 17 year old son made me a grandmother, and the want went away, maybe cos I did a lot of the caring for mt granddaughter.

She is now almost 12 and the thought of another baby, even by the husband i married 7 years ago, who hasn't got any natural children f his own, just does not appeal. Luckily for me, it dosnt to him either, Im a CM and he reckons he loves the kids, but is quite happy that they go home at 5. , and Granddaughter is here everyday as well.

MrsTittleMouse · 29/08/2007 21:46

I'm so sorry it wasn't positive.
Please don't feel stupid. Or at least, console yourself with the fact I am far worse, because we are 100% infertile, and haven't been able to have sex since DD was born. My chances are 0% times 0%. Yet when I took antibiotics and they made me feel sick (as they always do), I still thought that maybe, just maybe....

mylittlefreya · 30/08/2007 07:40

Not unreasonable, or stupid.
Having major life decisions made for you, like you have, is really hard.

Original poster
kizzie · 30/08/2007 17:55

Thankyou! everyone for sharing your stories.

Im really sorry Mrstittlemouse . It is really really hard isnt it -not being able to knock them out like rabbits.

And shoshable - thats what im holding out for. (Although theres another thread at the moment that basically says that because Ive got sons I'll never see my grandchildren anyway!!!!! But im not going to worry about that - I'll bribe them to come round with big bags of sweeties .)

Kizziex

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 31/08/2007 09:02

My dh had a vas reversal that we were told was unsuccessful. So in preparation for doing ivf privately, we got married and went on honeymoon. And lo and behold, I got pregnant on honeymoon. I would have known I was pregnant within days if they hadn't said that my dh had no sperm. A few days after we got back from honeymoon, I finally decided the doctors had to be wrong and bought a pregnancy test and I was pregnant. So please don't think you were stupid for buying the test.

MrsTittleMouse · 31/08/2007 09:23

Hi Kizzie,
I have to admit that I do get very jealous of accidental baby threads. I'd love to throw caution to the winds and not have to plan everything out and hope that I conceive before the money and time runs out. And then I wouldn't have to make the actual decision about whether we can afford/cope with another child, whether I will be OK with labour and delivery etc etc etc, because it would be an accident, you see!

Sofia - what a lovely story, I'm so glad it all worked out for you and your DH.

SofiaAmes · 31/08/2007 09:38

Thanks, me too. And it turned out that it wasn't just a fluke and the doctors were just totally wrong, because I got pregnant with my second within a month of when we started trying.

mummylin2495 · 31/08/2007 10:44

kizzie,just to say that i am mother of a son and he now has a 16yr old son,i have always been very involved in his life,we always had him to stay every weekend since he was born ,took him on holidays,i looked after him when his mum went to work ,so it dosent mean because you have sons you wil never see your grandchildren,Now its a bit different because girls are coming along ,but we are very very close,in fact he phoned me from turkey yesterday where he is on holiday.Your sons children can be just as close as a daughters children,i am lucky i have both .Good luck when all this happens for you

mummylin2495 · 31/08/2007 10:47

can anyone add a link to the thread kizzie mentions about grandchildren please.

Shoshable · 31/08/2007 10:57

mummylin, you sound like us with DGD we have been doing it for almost 12 years, at times DGD has actually lived with us as well. Definitely seen alot of her.

Jo71 · 31/08/2007 11:10

you are neither -

I am so sorry it wasn't positive I have the oppisite problem no worries getting pregnant just can't stay pregnant until last year!!!! pg no 5 gave us our daughter but i did 8 pregnancy tests leading up to our 12 week scan until i was satisfied hubby still thinks i only did 1

mummylin2495 · 31/08/2007 11:16

shoshable ,my three grand kids are all wonderful,butin the case of my gs we are much much closer than the maternal grandparents,I think we are so lucky and the bond will always be there.Actually because i had him from the age of 3months ,he was almost like a second son.i love them all dearly.I am also very close to my 2 gd,in fact i was there at the birth of one of them

Shoshable · 31/08/2007 11:26

DGd is like a daughter, like you we had her from that age, we have no other GC yet although DS is now married and DDIL would like some in the next couple of years, and as she is SA and they live near us, will prob be close to them as well.

mummylin2495 · 31/08/2007 11:31

i love it and would of liked them to have more !!! but neither of my own children will oblige i am lucky to have the three i have

MrsTittleMouse · 31/08/2007 13:19

My maternal GPs were completely barking, so I even though I did stuff with them, we weren't that close. Maternal GM is the only one left now, and I see her out of duty only. She just isn't a very nice person. DH was much closer to his paternal GPs too. So there is hope.

My Mum was actually very scared for me when I went into labour, because she'd had such a bad time. Difficult deliveries run in the family. She was right, we had very similar births, and I had a dreadful time, even though I wasn't forced on my back for an OP labour (poor Mum). Now I have a DD and I'm torn between wanting her to have children, or being really scared that she'll go through the same thing. She's only 10 months old though, so I have a while to wait!

mummylin2495 · 31/08/2007 13:31

i also was scared when my daughter wanted me to be with her,and i was ,right up until the day she went into labour,although its hard to see your daughter in pain,i was actually very calm,i suppose i wouldnt of been any good to her if i had been otherwise,it was a wonderful experience and wouldnt of missed it for the world,i actually saw her little face before my daughter and sil,and that was before she was fully born,just an angry little face !!!!she is now 12 and has the normal teenage tantrums !!!

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