"I'm not at liberty to say"

[victorioussponges]

AIBU to think this phrase always makes you sound like a self important prat?

Rules are:

• you have to say it entirely stony faced
• about something totally banal
• that no-one even asked you to divulge

Hands up who else is already sick of their colleagues again after the Christmas break?

I love it when people say that to me. Clearly they want me to push, so I always say 'oh of course, best not to then' and change the subject. Pretending I couldn't give a shit takes the wind out of their self important sales.

I don't think anyone has ever said this to me! Clearly missing out here..

No comment.

I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you.

You may say that. I couldn't possibly comment.

Say ‘Oh, your line manager has told you to zip it, has she?’

Oh the smugness with which people let you know they know more than you. It boils my blood but I never ever let them know I'm bothered. Totally disinterested, that's me yes I'm talking about you, smug HR lady

I'd say "oh so you're in the know about project ten, obviously we cant discuss it though as too high profile" and walk off self important making them feel like theyre missing something. But I like winding people up!

Oooh I hate people who act like they have a big secret.
I have a lady at work who does a whole act. Tells a story but ends it "Of course, there is more to it, but I can't say because I said I wouldn't"
or interjects into another conversation "You don't know the half of it! Oh if only I could tell you!".
We mostly ignore her.

My sister does this a lot. She has A Very Big And Important Job playing secret squirrels for the government, apparently. It annoys her intensely when I advise her not to even mention that there is a secret, never mind divulge it to someone as gobby as me. I've also signed the Official Secrets Act as it happens and I can keep a secret better than anyone I've ever met, but I genuinely find other people's work stories deathly dull.

I've also got a secret theory that my sister is in charge of toilet roll acquisition at GCHQ.

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet 😂🤣

I love it when people say that to me. Clearly they want me to push, so I always say 'oh of course, best not to then' and change the subject.

I have a friend who does this with the most banal of things! I usually reply with an "okay then" and she'll find a way to bring the topic up in various convoluted ways! Sometimes I get lucky and she'll bless me with a "I'll tell you anyway".

Ugh... My father tried the whole "oh, it's been a long 10 days on jury duty, we should be deliberating in the next day or two" when a lot of the family were together. As family who are police officers were there, and we all know that you can't discuss a case, someone just asked "which way are you leaning?" (no idea nor interest in which case at the high court he was on)... Then he said "I'm not at liberty to discuss" well you started the conversation, for what reason exactly?

I don't know any other pompous twats... Thankfully!

Did your irritating colleague tap his/her nose whilst telling you about their lack of liberty to discuss with you the thing you couldn’t care less about?

Pompous people should beware tapping their noses for fear something nasty might drop out and ruin the effect.

Brilliant can we lock all these folks up together and leave them to battle out their vainglory?

Sadly my colleague didn't tap his nose 😔 that could have been fun, but instead he delivered it in a very po-faced, sniffy way (note: noone asked him to divulge anything about the entirely banal matter in question).

I do know people who say things like this to try and make a totally uninteresting piece of information sound mysterious and dramatic and make themselves feel important.

IME there are two types of secret holders at work. The first are the ones who upper management know will feel very important that they've been let into some inner circle but actually wont be able to help themselves but blab all over the place, which is intended.

The second are actually made privy to info because they actually need to know stuff but wont say anything.

Nose tappers are the first lot. They are dying to tell you.

I hate this and had it earlier this week...

Me (to colleague who had been taking minutes for me as I was unable to attend the meeting): Good meeting, anything interesting happen?

Colleague: Yes, but I can't tell you, its a secret.

Me: What???

Colleague: I can't tell you. You will have to wait until the Senior Manager makes an announcement to all staff.

Honestly, if it was such a secret I think the answer to my original question should have been NO. At least then I wouldn't have spent the rest of the morning wondering what the heck was so important that it was top secret. And when the announcement did come, it really wasn't anything unexpected and really wasn't top secret.

I have a colleague who, after any big announcement is made at work, will find a way to say "I knew about this weeks ago, but had to keep it confidential". Mostly I just ignore her, but I have in the past said "Yeah, me too, worst kept secret ever!" even though I knew nothing at all. She has no way of knowing if I had a heads up and I relish the time when she'll say "how did you find out?" so that I can reply "I'm not at liberty to say" .

DH had to sign the Official Secrets Act not long ago through work and I am insanely jealous because a) I love secrets and b) I want to feel important. His work is deadly dull, though, and I am convinced that even if he knows The Secrets they'll be shitey ones I'm not interested in.

I'd say "oh they've finally told you, have they? We all knew weeks ago but weren't allowed to tell you, management feel you're a bit of a gobshite tbh".

Yes and infuriated by

"An incident..." usually made fun of as "An Hincident lor' luv you"

and

"Have reason to believe" which translates as "Some facking nark grassed"

I wish i could remember the Scottish comediene who said
"Smells like... shite"

That's brilliant @TopOftheNaughtyList!

DH had to sign the Official Secrets Act not long ago through work and I am insanely jealous because a) I love secrets and b) I want to feel important.

My mother had to sign it, when she got a job cleaning married quarters between occupants. I signed because I was a librarian (standard type, not the technical section which has actual secrets) on a military base. The biggest secret I knew was that more people popped in for tea and to see if the librarian was worth chatting up than to look for a book.

So if you want a job which requires you sign the OSA, there are loads of choices!

I sometimes think 'Keep this to yourself but...' is worse. Then they tell me something really important and I am thinking I wish you hadn't, I would have been quite happy finding out with everyone else.

It might be because I am very good at keepi things to myself, I keep them long past anything being common knowledge. I worked in a bank for a long time and just got used to witholding information.