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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To fear my FIL may be flirting with me? 😬

48 replies

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 08/01/2020 17:26

Months ago when visiting my inlaws my FIL saw me wearing socks with flip flops. (Yes I know that is an unreasonable fashion faux pas in itself but I was cold and needed to quickly run outside!) FIL joked that I was a Geisha, a Japanese entertainer of men, and I didnt care much for the joke but didn’t think much of it or make a big deal of it because I knew he was thinking my shoes looked Japanese in style. I just decided it was a silly joke and let it go. Completely forgot about it.

Now, 3 or 4, months later, he texted to arrange a time and then called me while on holiday abroad about something he would like to do with the grandchildren when he returns. I had no problem with most that call. But then when saying goodbye he said, “We really miss you all” (normal enough) and then “I will be looking for some sandals to buy for my Blond Geisha, ok?”

It just felt like such a weird thing to say. I couldn’t remember the joke he had made only once or twice months ago so it felt totally out of the blue. I brushed it off like “yeah, I’m sure those would look bizarre” and changed topic. But it left me feeling weird. I kept wondering why he said it and after reflecting I think the earlier joke must be the connection for him. It feels inappropriate and I hope it’s just him not thinking things through. What do you think?

OP posts:
thejollyroger · 08/01/2020 17:26

Bleugh!

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 08/01/2020 17:27

I think you need to get over yourself.

thejollyroger · 08/01/2020 17:29

No, come on. “My blonde geisha”? If my FIL called me that I would throw up all over him.

KnickerBockerAndrew · 08/01/2020 17:29

Oh ffs TripTrap don't be ridiculous. "My blonde Geisha" is him being a creep.

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 08/01/2020 17:30

Honestly I’ll be glad if people think it’s just nothing to worry about

OP posts:
mbosnz · 08/01/2020 17:31

A rather firm, 'I'm sure you didn't mean it in such a way, FIL, but I found that statement creepy as hell, and would prefer you not to make such a one again', might nip that in the bud?

frankincenseandmur · 08/01/2020 17:31

It’s a bit grim

Ohyesiam · 08/01/2020 17:32

I don’t know if he’s meaning to be inappropriate, or he’s just naturally talented at itEnvy( really, not envy). Either way I’d text something neutral but clear like
“Can you not do the geisha jokes, I don’t like it. Thanks
Enjoy the rest of your holiday “

That allows him to shut the fuck up with out losing face, but gives him a clear no.

lilmisstoldyouso · 08/01/2020 17:32

OP, are you ok hun?

thejollyroger · 08/01/2020 17:33

I honestly don’t know what I would do if my FIL was creeping on me like that. Mortifying.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 08/01/2020 17:34

You're massively over thinking the Geisha comment, bloody hell. Get over yourself 😂😂😂

TheDarkPassenger · 08/01/2020 17:34

I don’t think he actually wants to shag you or anything but I still physically cringed when I read it, I can’t even imagine what I’d do if it was said to me 😂

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 08/01/2020 17:35

It made me feel sick to my stomach. And it did feel creepy which is why I’m bothering to write about it. Hopefully it won’t happen again but the fact is he has said some other weird things before and I kept brushing it off and choosing not to read anything into it but this was more obviously weird. What would be a good thing to say if he says something else to make it clear I want no more of these jokes? Should I just continue to try and ignore or be more direct? I am going to talk to my husband about it when he gets home as well but I thought objective feedback would be good.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 08/01/2020 17:36

Just keep asking what he means. Then say, "Don't worry, I'll ask DH - he'll explain."

Newbie1999 · 08/01/2020 17:36

It’s cringey, but I wouldn’t read anything into that at all!

PPopsicle · 08/01/2020 17:38

You feeling ok? Overreacting much

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 08/01/2020 17:38

Have just read some of the above posts. I hate confrontation and hate this type of thing but I think you must be right that I should be the one to address it directly. The suggestion about not making Geisha jokes is a good one and hopefully is clear enough that I don’t like this kind of interaction.

Thanks for asking if I’m ok. I’m not actually - the whole thing has made me sad.

OP posts:
PicaK · 08/01/2020 17:38

I'm 50/50 on the fence that he's just trying to make a joke. Maybe he saw other people on his holiday in sandals and socks and it reminded him of his previous joke. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. But grief if he does it again.

woooooo · 08/01/2020 17:39

Yes what @Hollowtalk said. 'Blond geisha' is bad enough but 'MY blonde geisha'??? Creepy as hell and needs telling so.

paranoidmum2 · 08/01/2020 17:39

I agree it does sound off, more because it sounds like he's trying to create an in-joke between the two of you. Why doesn't he just call you a Guardian-reader, isn't that the socks and sandals cliche in the UK?

I think if he repeats it I would say something like you really don't like the term as you don't like the concept of geishas.

1forAll74 · 08/01/2020 17:40

I would find this funny, and wait for him to buy me some Japenese clothes / shoes etc.. A sense of humour is needed, and not to get all snowflakey.

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 08/01/2020 17:40

Glad some of you say I’m overreacting. I probably am a bit overly sensitive to this.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 08/01/2020 17:41

Give him the cold shoulder. He is a idiot speaking to his DIL like that.
The sandles obviously triggered some weird giesha.
Why would he be suggesting buying you shoes is it normal.
Get DH to speak to him, it will be awkward for awhile but not as awkward as putting up with years of this.

mbosnz · 08/01/2020 17:41

I suffer from a similarly off-colour and inappropriate FIL OP, so I feel your pain.

thejollyroger · 08/01/2020 17:44

I wouldn’t confront him on the basis of comments he could probably explain away, I’d just avoid him.

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