The stepdad/biological dad saga..

[Kiki92]

I've been a single mum for about 15 months now. DP walked out and said he wanted nothing to do with our child... He hasn't done either. There's been no contact, nor does he pay towards DS.

I've been happy being with DS on our own (he's now 20 months), but a couple of month's ago I met a man through work and we're taking it slow, but we've started a relationship. I'm happy. He treats me like an equal. He's thoughtful. He's sweet. He has a good job, he works hard. He has a DS himself who he brings up alone.. I never expected to meet someone, yet here we are... He's also amazing with my DS. He takes the time to play with him. He's patient with the tantrums. He knows that he's obviously not his dad, but he's over the moon to play the role of a father figure. I waited a while before introducing them, but I'm happy with how it's all progressing.

Word has however gotten back to my ex who is not happy. He doesn't want my new partner to spend time with DS. My ex-inlaws (who I do still see) are saying the same. There is no solid, logical reason for this.

AIBU to suggest that it's absolutely none of their business. These people seem to want me to stay single so that it limits their guilt. I'd never stop my ex being a dad, but he's chosen not to be..

Opinions please.

His family are prob worried less time you have for them if you get a life for yourself!! Ex is twat for not financially supporting his dc. His dps are twats for supporting that. Cms.
And congratulations on your new relationship!!.

Having a new partner in your son’s life is absolutely none of you ex’s or his family’s business. You are perfectly entitled to start a new relationship with someone else.

I was very cautious about not forcing my now husband (DD’s stepdad) on her as a father figure too early. My ex-husband left when she was 1 year old and I met my now husband when she was 2 years old. In hindsight I regret not encouraging it more because he’s ended up being her stepdad and we have another baby on the way. She has a great relationship with her dad but also likes having another father figure in her home. She’s the one who started calling her stepdad daddy when talking to her friends and teachers. She was the one to tell him she loved him first.

Some people seem to have a real issue with mothers moving on and expect them to remain single forever “for the children” which is rubbish. It can be really positive for a child (especially a young one) to see a united family unit growing up and seeing their mother in a happy loving relationship. Of course some women start a relationship with horrible abusive men but that can be the case with children’s biological fathers just as much as step-fathers

How does

He's also amazing with my DS. He takes the time to play with him. He's patient with the tantrums. He knows that he's obviously not his dad, but he's over the moon to play the role of a father figure.

agree with

DS and my new partner have met each other twice so far?

YABU for introducing a new man so soon, but you know that now. I’d recommend looking at all the threads on here about problems that arise in these rushed into blended family scenarios next time you feel you are getting carried away.

However, your private life is private and no concern to anyone UNLESS the child is at risk (physically or mentally). Then I feel anyone can legitimately point this out, even the ex. If the child is fine and you’re being safe / sensible with introducing a new, serious partner, then the ex (and anyone else) can jog on.

Your ex and his family have NO SAY about it at all.

Oh and go via CMS for your child maintenance.

Going through the CSA for child support, with such a useless specimen of a man is likely to be more trouble than it's worth.

For some reason, I'm not picturing him as a well earning enlightened man, who would have his son's best interests at heart...he'll just become a menacing hindrance to you....
.all for the sake of a few quid.

@SandyY2K That's exactly why I haven't. I'd be entitled to £5 a week.. I earn enough myself. It isn't worth the hassle.

That's exactly why I haven't. I'd be entitled to £5 a week.. I earn enough myself. It isn't worth the hassle.

Exactly. I thought so.

Some women are so focussed in hounding worthless idiots in the name of a father for the sake of it.

There was a lovely lady who did this a couple of years ago on MN and it resulted in her Ex getting custody of their DS... he manipulated and brainwashed the boy and the relationship between mother and child broke down horrendously.

Be careful what you wish for.

@SandyY2K agreed. Then when he decides he wants to see his son once he turns 18 or whatever, he'll say things like "well I've always paid what I needed to to make sure you had x, y & z" even if he's only paid the bear minimum like OP has said.

It's not their business but yes it's too fast. If it doesn't work out as a lot of these fledgling relationships don't your child won't see him again, then perhaps you'll meet someone else and you introduce them... you don't really want your child remembering that you had a string of men through their home acting like dad and disappearing

How dare he try to dictate terms regarding a child he refuses to see and doesn’t pay for. I would be telling him to shove his advice wherever he’s hiding the maintenance.

How is he contacting you? I would block him also . His Mum . I would not discuss anything about your life with them . Remember they are not your Friday

So exh and IL’s thinks it’s acceptable for him abandon you both in every possible way then get a say on your personal life?

How fucking dare they.