Man in meeting ignoring women

[sunshinepoppy]

I am a relatively new secondary school governor. I have attended a few meetings and during each meeting the (male) chair behaves as if he has not heard what any woman has said and then repeats what the woman has said as his own idea. The Headteacher is a woman and he did this to her several times.

e.g.
Sunshinepoppy: What colour hats do we need?
Headteacher?: Historically we need blue hats because the school started on a boat.
Chair: What you have to understand is historically because the school started on a boat we need blue hats.

It is baffling behaviour and very obvious that he only does this to women. He wants to meet me for a debrief and a review of how I am finding the new role and what I think of the meetings. Should I mention this to him? I am not sure that he is aware that he does it.
Has anyone encountered this before?

YABU: Do NOT mention it
YANBU: Mention it

Op is a relatively new secondary school governor. I have attended a few meetings

I think it would be inappropriate to tell a Chair that they are chairing wrongly (or accuse them of sexism) when all that appears to be going on is a more formal meeting etiquette than she is used to. It is the Chairs decision how formally or informally meetings should run, not the decision of a new junior governor who has only attended a few meetings.

Do mention it to him. He may do it unconsciously but he needs to be told not to, gently of course.

My father did this to my mother and his sisters all the time. It's easy to say it's sexism, which of course it is, but it's deeper than that.
It's hundreds of years of male female socialisation.
See Harry Enfield sketch. 'Women know your place.' It was really like that and still is in some cultures. Men spoke for and at least retold and amplified women's 'opinions' (as they were known as) this was the status quote for so long. So much so that the men thought it was common politeness to do this.

I’d record the meeting and play it back to him.

If he is really patronising women, yes it is out of order but the behaviour described does not support that allegation. OP should observe some more and see whether he really is only formal with women and not men. It may be that he is more formal with newer members out of courtesy but less formal with older members because of long history/comfort levels.
I am the first to combat sexism, have faced it down numerous times, I know it exists. But I also know you have to rule out every other explanation before sticking your neck out with an allegation or you will be swiftly black listed as a trouble maker.

‘It is baffling behaviour and very obvious that he only does this to women’

"I’d record the meeting and play it back to him." Only with permission from all the governors. Or she won't be a governor for much longer.

We call it “he-peating” in my place. Happens all the time. As has been suggested, the women need to start backing each other up in meetings and crediting each other for comments.
Another trick that works well, if you’ve got the guts for it, is to politely say, “thank you for that rephrasing of my original suggestion, it certainly adds clarity and a new dynamic”
It’s sadly common in my world.

Yes well OP needs proof of that. Right now she has an impression from only a few meetings and it was only towards the Headteacher. How do we know it is because the head is a woman? We don’t. He could be deferring to the Head and agreeing to everything she says because she’s the expert in the issues that have been discussed to date.
How do we know OP memory is accurate? I kind of doubt the chair is adopting all the women’s input and ignoring all the mens input. It’s probably a bit of both.
She will need to observe and gather data/evidence in a more deliberate way.

Well said Plan. Op - for now at least this isn't important on the scale of things. What's happening in the school? How do governors check that what the HT is telling then is true? What are the financial checks and balances in place to avoid mis-use of funds. How do the disadvantaged children perform compared to their peers? What moderation is in place for assessment?

This chair sounds frustrating, but it can be a thankless task and he's probably been doing the job for ages because nobody else wants the hassle. Bide your time, if it's a good GB they will review their practice from time to time and that will be the time to talk about effective meetings. It might then be a case of deciding that the repetition/clarification isn't necessary.

@PlanDeRaccordement he isn’t just doing it to the Head. He does it to any woman in the meeting. He does not do it to men. It is not procedural as he is not repeating women’s words for action points or for the record. He does not even acknowledge that the woman has spoken.
I am a new governor at this school but I have previously been a governor at a different school, so I am aware how governor meetings can be run well.

Always a bloke who’ll act like he’s invented the colour o’shite.

He is in his 60s, single and childless. He is quite socially awkward. I have had one 1on1 meeting when I was made governor.

He came to my house and talked for two hours. I eventually had to do the school pick up and he joined me. We met my child and walked him home. The chair (who lives in the opposite direction) walked back to my house with us and I finally had to leave him in my front garden as I backed into my house saying goodbye.

@VivienScott I love “he-peating

You do sound like you dislike him which is not really your place to do, as you are new and he is established.

Have you never conversed with an older man before? They are ingrained in this and see it as common courtesy, like opening doors for women.

I think you're being unreasonable.

@beethebee I love your amplification strategy. I need to talk to some of the other women about this.

I'd call him out on it and ask if he had heard that had already been suggested by x.
"Do you suffer from hearing problems?" It's just that x and y said this a minute ago.

@Daisy7654 would you challenge “ingrained” racism or homophobia? Or is it just ingrained sexism that gets a free pass?

Have you never conversed with an older man before? They are ingrained in this and see it as common courtesy, like opening doors for women.

That doesn’t make it okay. It’s not courteous.

It might be echolalia. I have a tendency to do this when I’m not really listening to people without noticing. Worth pointing out either way regardless of whether it’s deliberate or unintentional it’s very annoying and I always appreciate being pulled up on it

I would draw attention to it in the meeting as it happens rather than on a 1:1 out of context as he will just deny it. Each time he repeats what a woman has just said, say 'yes, she just said that' and if it happens a couple if times in one meeting ask if the acoustics in the room are ok for him as he seems to be missing some of the things that are being said. I'm a new govenor at a primary school and at the last meeting was told to stop "chatting" when discussing a pertinent point with 3 of the other women round the table. To put this in context, there were 5 of us in the meeting, he was the only man and he had nothing to add to the discussion.

I would bring it up in the 1-1 if you can, OP - I'll bet his talking over and appropriating women's ideas is only part subconscious gender bias and part gender-based dismissiveness.

I've been in meetings where this happens, and usually the man doing it is senior, so the women don't speak up - but It's certainly made me think of the "Emperor's New Clothes"! It's so obvious, how do many of the other senior men NOT catch this and stop it? I have had some bosses that would shut this sort of thing down. If I get interrupted constantly, I will hold up a hand and say "please let me finish," or if it is a woman colleague being interrupted, redirect the conversation to her and ask her to continue.
And, this talking over women in meetings and ignoring them is nothing new. A Google Exec got called out not too long for interrupting women during a meeting panel on diversity!

As another poster mentioned, use amplification as a tool, where the women band together and work as a team. White House women staffers did this to great effect, see here: www.themuse.com/advice/the-simple-trick-women-in-the-white-house-use-to-stop-getting-interrupted

There really should be zero tolerance for this kind of stuff in workplaces, but to begin fixing this, women need to speak up when appropriation of ideas and meeting interruptions happen, in the moment.

You do sound like you dislike him which is not really your place to do, as you are new and he is established

Never thought I'd here this said in this century! "know thy place"?

Please don't ask if he has hearing problems.
It's not a good start to be passive aggressive.
About the only suggestion I have which hasn't already been made is to perhaps ask about the procedure at meetings. Explaining the difference between his meetings and the meetings you attended before. Do not mention the sex divide. Just find out if he is running his meetings according to the more formal approach. Then observe some more meetings before deciding if something needs to be addressed.

I came on to post the Miss Triggs cartoon, too