AIBU or is DP? Please help

[Catherinewaterloo]

DP and I have been together nearly 2 years now, we don’t live together yet but live 20 mins from each other. He works from home, but Sunday his friend came round 10pm and stayed the night. Monday morning I spoke to him and asked him if he wanted to come round mine later in the evening and he said he doesn’t know how long his friend staying, I said ok and left it at that. Around 7pm, I texted him just to ask about his day. Didn’t reply but came on WhatsApp at 8pm and don’t open the message but didn’t come online again.

The next morning at 10am, I FaceTimed him and he told me his friend left at 4pm, and he fell asleep at 9pm.

Literally as soon as we hung up, I texted him asking if he wanted to come round to my house tonight. Didn’t reply or open my message even though he was online. At 1pm, he text me saying he’s ‘out and about’ and he will call me later.

So I texted him he’s obviously waiting for something else to come up so he’ll have an excuse not to come round 🙄 and I don’t want to force someone to come round when they clearly don’t want to.

AIBU to think he is waiting for something else to come up so he’ll have an excuse not to come round? He saw my message at 10am and ignored it and went out, and he wants to phone me later saying he’s doing xyz and he can’t come round. If not, then why not just answer at 10am when I asked?

I feel like all we do is argue, and it’s draining. The thought of being without makes me sad, but I also feel relief. I’m so confused.

Should I just have kept my mouth shut and waited for him to call? I just I don’t understand why call when it’s just a simple question that requires a yes or no if you’re not intending to make an excuse to not come round?

I would cut me loses and move on before you have kids or a mortgage together tbh

Would you let him just say no, without you wanting to know why etc?

Personally, I think he's had a, heavy night with his mate and wanted to recharge/recover.

He's wanted a bit of space and only you know if you would have expected that.

Do you think you've got different expectations about how much time you should spend together etc and that's what's causing issues?

Or are things filtering out for him?

Why text as soon as he hung up? Couldn't you ask on facetime.

Tbh save your dignity, just make other plans! Don't wait around for him!

Maybe he didn't want to upset you by saying he didn't want to see you that day.

I don't think he's waiting on a better offer, I think he's too tired/can't be arsed but didn't want to offend you by telling you that!

You sound a bit on the clingy side. Maybe you're not, and you'd just like to see him, but don't overdo the texting and waiting... get yourself some other plans, give him a little space and then reassess?

the problem is women are more likely to get to the point and say i'm knackered, men more likely to faff with excuses and put things off because they are thinking things through and that doesn't require a womans input he'll come out ofhis cave when he's ready. but i wouldn't chase him tbh.

You seem quite needy, the constant contact via phone/ text/ whatsapp/ face time would irritate me and I'd not reply either. I think it's time to call it a day.

If he was tired he could have said that, I wouldn't mind! I just want an answer, it's the 'I'll call you later ' that annoys me, surely at 10am you must know what your plans for the day are or if you can come round in the evening?

It's nearly 3pm, and I don't know where he is or what the fuck he's doing. Just 'out and about'

Maybe he doesn't know how he'll feel tonight and doesn't want to say yes only to cancel at the last minute.

I think you're taking offence over nothing tbh.

Sounds like it’s time to give him some space and get on with your own life. Time to move on maybe...

Be less available. Mostly for you. He doesn't know at 10am, call a friend, go out for the day, make plans. Don't sit and wait for a man!

Give him some space. If he wanted to see you, he would have suggested it.

Not every waking moment needs to be spent with him.

Is he much of a partner? He doesn’t sound that into you, sorry! Just ditch him and find someone who wants to be with you, it should still be fun!

I feel like all we do is argue, and it’s draining.

That would tell me to think seriously about binning this one and going for a fresh start.

I would feel smothered if I were him. Too many calls, texts, request to come over in a short period.

Can you give him some breathing room?

I agree. You are suffocating him with your endless texts and messages. Stop being so needy, you're probably driving him away.

It sounds like quite a lot of stress two years in to a relationship. I would have expected after that amount of time you'd be comfortable to hang out with each other all the time but be able to tell the other person if you're tired and you just want a night in. Worrying about reading messages and not saying what they mean should be a thing of the past by now.

You both have different expectations. For me, your constant contact would be too much. I need more independence. Sounds like your DP does too.

let the poor man be!

Perhaps he not that into you, or perhaps he's a bit fed up as you sound quite clingy. I don't think people do necessarily know that day's plans by 10am... perhaps have a think about whether or not you'd be better off by yourself for a bit, you don't seem to match from what you've said.

What are you getting out of this relationship? It shouldn’t make your life harder or more complicated.

Go find someone who is worthy of you.

Sorry OP, you sound a bit clingy to me to.

Maybe he was tired and/or hungover. It's perfectly normal for me not to know at 10am what I'm doing later and there are plenty of times where either my partner or I don't open Whatsapp messages immediately even if we are online at other times.

You sound exhausting.

Literally as soon as we hung up, I texted him asking if he wanted to come round

surely at 10am you must know what your plans for the day

It's nearly 3pm, and I don't know where he is or what the fuck he's doing

Wow. I do't mean to sound harsh but you sound very needy. Chill out. You're smothering him.

Would do my head in if my boyfriend behaved like you're doing. Give him some room!

FFS, let the man breathe. Your clingyness is going to drive the poor sod away