AIBU or is DP? Please help

[Catherinewaterloo]

DP and I have been together nearly 2 years now, we don’t live together yet but live 20 mins from each other. He works from home, but Sunday his friend came round 10pm and stayed the night. Monday morning I spoke to him and asked him if he wanted to come round mine later in the evening and he said he doesn’t know how long his friend staying, I said ok and left it at that. Around 7pm, I texted him just to ask about his day. Didn’t reply but came on WhatsApp at 8pm and don’t open the message but didn’t come online again.

The next morning at 10am, I FaceTimed him and he told me his friend left at 4pm, and he fell asleep at 9pm.

Literally as soon as we hung up, I texted him asking if he wanted to come round to my house tonight. Didn’t reply or open my message even though he was online. At 1pm, he text me saying he’s ‘out and about’ and he will call me later.

So I texted him he’s obviously waiting for something else to come up so he’ll have an excuse not to come round 🙄 and I don’t want to force someone to come round when they clearly don’t want to.

AIBU to think he is waiting for something else to come up so he’ll have an excuse not to come round? He saw my message at 10am and ignored it and went out, and he wants to phone me later saying he’s doing xyz and he can’t come round. If not, then why not just answer at 10am when I asked?

I feel like all we do is argue, and it’s draining. The thought of being without makes me sad, but I also feel relief. I’m so confused.

Should I just have kept my mouth shut and waited for him to call? I just I don’t understand why call when it’s just a simple question that requires a yes or no if you’re not intending to make an excuse to not come round?

He's not that into you. Bin him off. The only thing you're getting out of this relationship is stress!

Dump him already. He's not that into you.

I think I'd read "out and about" as him being busy with work and not able to switch his head into personal stuff right then. Maybe a bit generous, but I think just because he works from home doesn't mean he's always available and it's reasonable for him to expect to be left alone during his working hours, the same way you would leave him alone if he was employed by someone else and at his place of work.

Different people plan time in different ways - I find it hard not knowing when I'm going to get to see a lover next and hate last minute changes of plans and surprises.

If you want to stay together, it's worth looking at what you both need/want by way of time spent together/contact and how you make decisions. Does he prefer to plan weekday evenings after he's finished his work for the day? Do you prefer to plan in advance? Do you want to know when you'll next be able to see him? Know if you're doing dinner for both of you early in the day? Are you OK with him saying "no, I'm tired and staying at home tonight" or "seeing x, y and z this evening, see you on Thursday?" or similar?

Sounds like he's busy and doesn't know what he'll be up for later. Which is fine unless it's always like that. If you're always his "back up plan" - always the place he goes if he has nothing else to do then it probably means he's not that invested in the relationship. If he usually makes plans with you and sticks to them and this weekend he's just had a lot on then you're being clingy and you should leave him be for a day or so.

Op do you really need to know where he is and what he's doing al the time?

If the answers yes I think you have a trust issue going on so unless there's a back story here I'd say you need to lay off abit.
If he says he doesn't know what his plans are at 10 am take his word for it and make your own plans. Don't be sitting waiting for him.

It's not a good trait to be so clingy all the time op.

You sound a little bit clingy, but at the same time all he had to say was he was hungover/tired/doesn't fancy it or whatever. It's a bit mean to just ignore your messages completely.

Tbh I don't think you're compatible based on communication ideals, which is a big thing. It seems like you want to be in touch every day (as would I), whereas he would rather be more laid back and spend time on his own as well.