EXH wants to change DS's party- on Sat!

[mynamechangemyrules]

DS has a crap beginning of Jan birthday (sorry anyone else who does!).

I asked him pre Xmas to choose between big cheap park footie party and 3 people to a fancy adventure place (and for complete info- I also texted ExH to say this was the issue and did he have an opinion). He'll be 9 and did park party last year. DS 'couldn't decide' and we've been away for new year so on the 4th I said I'd decide and we invited people for park football. (We live in somewhere warmer than the U.K.!)

Just completed awful divorce from controlling and abusive ExH but have always, at every point kept his access to the children open, honest and amicable. He fights and picks at every.single.thing.

Today he suggests another venue (rented pitch) and earlier (by 1hr) time for the party.

I replied with queries; price (he pays for 10% of our costs despite earning exactly double my salary) and whether it could still have original timing. He replies with an insane rant ending with 'you've ruined his birthday for him. Well done'

So.
AIBU: suck it up, have the earlier time (3-5pm), better pitch and pay.
IANBU: stick to what it is and ignore rants.

Or maybe a third- I'm not being unreasonable, he is, but still go for the better pitch and pay the equivalent of gbp120 for it.

Look up “Out of the FOG” (Fear Obligation Guilt) and techniques to deal with it when interacting (medium chill, grey rock).
Good luck with the future and have a lovely birthday celebration.

A million good recommendations, thanks!

Party set and simple- fewest words possible- reply sent!!

Unfortunately, where I live, the maintenance is done. He doesn't live with them, he doesn't pay. He even got to offset all of his projected 'costs'- he included massages and blindingly expensive sports clothes 🤣

The 3 one night each I tried to contest but mediator judge said if that's all he could cope with we couldn't force it. He said I can apply for variation and I will as soon as the 6 months has passed. He wanted to separate them for Xmas!!!

Thanks so much. I've stopped talking to friends IRL about it because it's just so fucking boring, but it feels very good, and extremely useful, to talk about the general shittiness of day to day life.

Absolutely stick with your plan. Maybe suggest he organises (and pays for) next years party.

My OH has managed to top even the fewest words game! His ex emails a pile of reasons why he has to fork out x y or z for DC and he either completely ignores it or messages his DC to tell her he's paying for whatever it is and its up to the DC if they want to let the M know.. or not... The ex gets absolutely no response whatsoever...

We used to have the emails telling us what we needed to watch on telly, what activities we did with DC.. what we shouldn't do (stuff the DC actually really enjoyed doing for a change too!) oh and the ££££££ residential holiday weeks that DM wanted to foist DC off during her time with DC and OH pays for it... . it all goes away when you starve it of oxygen.

The invites have gone out. So unless he is prepared to book it, plan the food and ring up all the parents to inform them of the updates, he can stuff it! Besides which informal parties are often all the more enjoyable. My son is 9 and we just had a football party in the park. I got some training arcs (that my son already had) and improvised a game of team football croquet. We also had a cheap portable goal for a football a penalty shoot out game. Kids love a few competitive games coupled with time to have some unstructured play. And if your husband remains convinced that you've ruined his birthday, then perhaps suggest that he take his son and several friends out for a day too. My bet is that he won't be arsed.

Just keep sorry too late to change now.
But nextime if you want to do your own thing at your own expense that will be fine.

How was the party, @mynamechangemyrules?