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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mummy fail - please help me feel better!

66 replies

Hardymonica · 07/01/2020 09:27

We got a rabbit a few months ago and my shy dd (age 8) has become quite obsessed with it and all things rabbity. It’s literally all she talks about and she keeps pretending to be a rabbit at home. I’ve recently started helping out at after school club and I’ve noticed that her obsession is spilling into her school life too. I’ve noticed quite a few times that her peers look a bit fed up of playing rabbits with her (they seem a bit more grown up) and they even come up to me and moan that “dd is always talking about rabbits!”.

So this morning I tried to gently say to her that maybe it would be good to play something different once in a while, not just rabbits and she got so upset, crying and everything. I felt sick to my stomach. I love her quirkyness and I’ve always tried to build her social confidence and now I feel like I’ve ruined everything and made her feel embarrassed. It wasn’t my intention at all, I was just trying to make her a little more aware so that the other children wouldn’t start being mean. I feel like I’ve totally messed up and I won’t say anything like it again but please tell me I haven’t scarred her confidence for life. I feel like an awful Mum.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 07/01/2020 12:54

Carrots the rabbit she sounds a lovely little girl but you did nothing wrong by explaining not everybody wants to play rabbits that is good parenting she needs to know that other kids have feelings too yes she was hurt but she will be alright.

IceCreamFace · 07/01/2020 12:58

I think you've just uncovered a sore spot. It doesn't sound like you were overly harsh but sensitive children are often quite astute and insecure. She's probably aware that she's less socially confident, the rabbit game obviously makes her feel secure but she's also picked up the other girls find it OTT and that they don't need the security of playing the same game all the time. Rather than making it a negative it might be an opportunity to chat to her and see if she can articulate a little how she's feeling. You don't necessarily need to tell her what she's doing wrong or how she can do things differently but just ask her without being critical what the other girls like to play, how it feels to sometimes have a break from the rabbit game etc.

Londongirl86 · 07/01/2020 13:00

Aww bless her. That's so sweet. My daughter went through a t rex stage. I was always saying stop growling at other kids as they don't understand you are playing dinosaurs.

All you can do is guide her and don't feel bad. Tell her to see what her friends want to play. Xx

LittleMissMe99 · 07/01/2020 13:34

If she wants to "rabbit" on as it were...let her. You could just say "don't forget to play the games your friends want too!". But I wouldn't ask her NOT to play rabbits. She sounds a lot like my daughter (now 13) vivid imagination and hones in on the things she lives. Imaginative play in brilliant!

Geekynzmum · 07/01/2020 14:13

Yanbu to have had the conversation with your DD, I have also had to have a similar conversation with my DD about constantly wanting to play mummies and daddies with her friends and school. In my case though, she would come home upset because they didn't play with her because they wanted to play something else. I had to explain to her that she has to let her friends choose the games as well, and eventually she got the message and now happily plays all sorts. Her latest thing though is to pretend she is a cat or dog depending on what day it is and if our neighbour's cats have visited.

AraGrand · 07/01/2020 14:25

Is playing rabbits typical of an 8 year old?
I know at five, dd was directing a play with her five year old friends, where there was a marriage, then a divorce lol. I can't imagine her even at 5 pretending she was a rabbit.
It's cute, but I would say it is not typical for her age.

B0bbin · 07/01/2020 14:51

I had a friend around that age who was really into rabbits, always hopping everywhere, making us play watership down. It was good fun, but I think I went off and played with others sometimes for a break... it's great to be really interested and involved in something like that- I always liked that about her. You are helping her by explaining how other children might want to play/ talk about other things too. You sound like you've been considerate. She will be ok.

CripsSandwiches · 07/01/2020 14:53

@AraGrand Well not always rabbit specifically but 8 year olds certainly still engage in imaginative play! It's great for them and lots of fun. At that age we were all about horses.

saraclara · 07/01/2020 15:14

Yep. All she needs to understand is that some children don't like rabbit games so it's important to ask them what they want to play, too.

Strongmummy · 07/01/2020 15:29

@AraGrand I’d be more concerned at your daughter’s choice of subject matter tbh

MLMsuperfan · 07/01/2020 16:15

I know a few adults who could use some advice to STFU about their obsessoins.

CentralPerkMug · 07/01/2020 17:09

You did the right thing op. Children sometimes need encouraged to think about the needs of others and not just their own. She needs to understand that she cannot monopolise the time they have to play together, dictating the games that are played. I had a dd exactly the same and in the longterm, it was the right thing having that same conversation with her. You did the right thing

SheeshazAZ09 · 07/01/2020 17:24

Another childhood pony obsessive here--it lasted until I went to secondary school at 11. I am certain I bored my friends stiff by insisting that we 'play horses' every single break time. You did the right thing in gently telling your DD what you did. Someone needs to remind us obsessives to give other people a break and consider what others want to do, for once.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 07/01/2020 17:46

@DiseasesOfTheSheep see when I'm seeing these posts as an adult I admire them

I don't think the girl in question ever took part in a sports day so definitely not you, although I would like to be your friend!

AwkwardPaws27 · 07/01/2020 18:15

OP do you only have one rabbit? They are very social creatures and should really be kept in pairs/groups. Do consider adopting a friend for Carrots, they have much more fulfilling lives with a companion and it is so much fun to watch two rabbits interact.

Your DD sounds lovely; a conversation about taking it in turns to play different people's favourite games sounds entirely reasonable, but I'd be careful with how you word it, as you don't want her to feel that she has to completely hide her own interests to appease others.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 08/01/2020 11:23

@GiveHerHellFromUs, that's a shame, I rather liked the idea that someone was so baffled by my antics that it still bothers them today. One can but dream... I always have space for more friends - but only if you'll play horses with me

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