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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3YO in nappy's

40 replies

Sweetpeach3 · 07/01/2020 08:05

Back story to it- my Ds is 4 in 5 months and he's still wearing nappy's frequently

I feel like the worlds crappiest mum as he should be out of them by now and people keep giving me digs about it

He is potty trained and goes the toilet etc he does it all himself unless he has a poo an he will shout me to just wipe over his bum- I think this is reasonable but some days he will ask me for a nappy

He's recently been diagnosed with epilepsy and were on 3 different medications atm going up and down to find what's right for him but the side effects are - shaking and loose stool (water trumps as we call them )
So when he asks for a nappy I don't say no because he knows he's having an off day

His dad keeps comparing him to his friends son who's the same age and it's really pissing me off as it isn't his fault but I feel like such a shit mum he can't hold his poo in like other kids etc. He will run his little legs so fast to try make the toilet an he just can't do it some times and it's embarrassing for him an he doesn't like it.

His school are great about it and my family etc are but I can't help sit here an cry about it an all the judgement I'm getting from his family and him!
Sometimes when he's having a bad day he can have upto 30 mini seizures, his hands shake so much he can't even feed himself. He's 3 I just wish I could be the one shitting my pants an havnt the seizures to take it all away from him to be normal 😢
I'm clearly more emotional about it right now as iv got an 8 day old haha but I'm just sick to fucking death of it. It's so easy to look at a kid an think why this why that because they "look" normal but you never actually know the truth! My little girl is 2 and she's so clever she can speak sign language. Her speech is so clear and her understanding of everything compared to my DS but you can't compare and they've told me to expect him have a delay in development and a decrease in behaviour. His dad clearly didn't listen at the hospital when he actually comes !

Please someone tell me their experiences in anythin like this or when your child's ill would you put a nappy on if it's the water trumps ?
X

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 07/01/2020 08:15

I'm sorry you're feeling so low Flowers
I'd say at this age it's fine. My 4yo has had tummy issues and when it's bad he has had a nappy in the past. Don't let people get to you.
His dad really should be on the same page though.

funmummy48 · 07/01/2020 08:20

I don't think you should worry about this and it's no reflection on you as a parent. Could you try putting an incontinence pad in his underwear, just to move away from nappies in the daytime? I worked with an SN child who's mum did this as he had occasional accidents. It worked well and looked less bulky than a nappy.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 07/01/2020 08:21

The only way you would be a shit parent in this area is if you were keeping him in nappies for your own convenience. Which you're not. He has a medical condition. Everyone always has opinions on how women (never men) parent. I find it best to ignore them.

Areyoufree · 07/01/2020 08:22

It sounds like your son has a really good understanding of his own needs, and is trying very hard. That’s pretty amazing. My son has no health issues, and refused to try and get himself to the loo until he was four. He would just soil himself and not say anything. Once he had gone through all of his spare clothes, the preschool would stick him in a nappy. He got there eventually. However, I would let your son lead for a while - it sounds like he wants to come out of the nappies, but also doesn’t want to push it every day.

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 07/01/2020 08:22

When I saw the thread title I was coming on to say it's fine to have a 3 year old in nappies! Then I saw your back story and feel even more strongly that it's fine. You and your DS have enough going on, if nappies make life easier for the pair of you then carry on.
I hope things get a bit easier for you soon

canijustaskonemorething · 07/01/2020 08:25

I was geared up to say YABU but goodness me your little one has just had a serious diagnosis and if a nappy helps him then I say put one on him when he needs it.

You’re absolutely not a crap mum so get that thought out your head.

Flowers
Pinktornado · 07/01/2020 08:27

Aw you’re doing a fantastic job with your little boy. I personally know several 3.5+ year olds still in nappies and would never judge, even though I don’t think they have medical conditions like your son. He knows what he needs just now.

MustardScreams · 07/01/2020 08:28

He sounds great and very aware of what he needs. Sometimes we have to listen to our children and not give a shite about adult judgements and opinions.

If it’s working for him then that is all that matters. And you’re not a crap mum in the slightest!

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2020 08:29

Poor little boy. He knows what he needs which is amazing and you're responding to those needs.

His father needs to back you up (and listen to the doctors) and everyone else can mind their own business.

Moneypenny007 · 07/01/2020 08:30

The poor wee fella. His situation is unique and cant be compared to others his age as he has a huge medical issue at the minute.
The fact that he is fine when he is having a good day would indicate that he is trained with the exception of his bad days. If you had 30 mini seizures a day if something like a nappy helped you a little then wouldn't you take it.
Go easy on yourself

FriedasCarLoad · 07/01/2020 08:36

I feel like the worlds crappiest mum as he should be out of them by now and people keep giving me digs about it

You sound like such a lovely mum. He isn't in nappies because you couldn't be bothered with potty training, but because of a medical condition. Maybe it's worth saying that to anyone making digs? Shame them into shutting up!

Yeahnah2020 · 07/01/2020 08:39

I’d say based on the circumstances your son is doing amazingly well and you sound like a lovely mum. I’d try to nip it in the bud with dad comparing. It’s unhelpful and also not relevant.

thejollyroger · 07/01/2020 08:40

My just turned three year old still wears nappies for bed and for outings, and sometimes if we’re guests in someone else’s home. As long as they are making progress what’s the issue?

Wildorchidz · 07/01/2020 08:54

people keep giving me digs about it

You mean your husband. Have you told him in very simple language to shut the fuck up???

my2bundles · 07/01/2020 09:03

You sound like an amazing mum. I have a child with a disability not tne same situation but from expatience you do whatever you have to do for your individual child to help them. Your child is telling g you his need and that's absolutely fine, he sounds very intelligent to understand his needs at such a young age, a real credit to you..carry on as you are, you understand his needs.

Shazzanat · 07/01/2020 09:07

Oh bless him and you! You sound like a fabulous Mummy. At 3 they are still so little and then add in the epilepsy, I wouldn't give it a second thought. In fact with everything he has going on he sounds like he's doing amazingly to me and you're doing a fab job too.

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 07/01/2020 09:08

@Wildorchidz simple words - yes
Does he listen - no

He is a pigheaded twat to say the least. His family are kind of getting it now as he has had a few wet trumps when being st their house so they have seen it first hand witch I'm glad of. But not the point I shouldn't have to justify my sons needs. He just tells me people are commenting but as a dad knowing what we've been through the past 6 months he should be saying he isn't ducking well. He has a nappy on for bed which a lot of kids do. AnIf he wakes up an has a wet trump an asks to keep it on I will but if not he doesn't wear one it's his choice atm and I'm guna leave it at that an not force him
I'm trying my bloody hardest because if you wanted to compare all kids my 2YO can speak great, so independent, listens, dresses herself and she is starting the potty now (just turned 2) but DS is the total opposite in them aspects. He walked later etc but their all different an amazing in their own ways

So thank you all for the messages. You've made me cry and ruin my make up though LOL but as long as my baby's happy and he is making progress I don't care. He will get their in his own time but for now he can just have fun!!!! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 07/01/2020 09:11

He is such a smart arse il give him that hahaha! He's very clever in the sense of puzzles and working things out even I can't at times

But he is very understanding and aware this is why his dads comments are upsetting me more as I don't want him to feel worse. when he has a seizure he comes an gives us a hug after it or says oh no mummy or just goes quiet with embarrassment- I don't genuinely know how they feel or anything and he can't tell me that yet but from his reactions I suspect he's aware. Well aware ! X

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 07/01/2020 09:12

One of my DC wet the bed every single night until he was over 11. He has type 1 diabetes which was very poorly controlled.

It never occurred to me that I was a crap mum and you shouldn't think that either. Our DC both have significant medical problems which affect their continence,

Your DS will grow out of it eventually. In the meantime tell your DH to get a grip, the fool

Blackbear19 · 07/01/2020 09:15

Bless the poor wee guy. I hope they manage to find meds that help him soon.

You sound like you have an awful lot on your plate, 8 day old, 2 yo, and poorly 3yo. I think I'd be developing a stock response, 3yo in nappies, well its marginally better than an epileptic child pooping everywhere.

I hope you are getting plenty support.

Scoobydoobywho · 07/01/2020 09:15

Our ds will be 4 next month and is still in nappies, started to potty train and he was doing OK. But then broke his leg and that has set us right back. He can be a stubborn little so and so, but we will get there eventually.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/01/2020 09:22

He wears nappies due to a medical condition, not because he can't use a toilet. It's not a comparable situation. No one would judge an adult with a medical condition leading to the same issue, so why judge a little boy who isn't even school age yet?

Blackbear19 · 07/01/2020 09:27

Around the world I was thinking the same thing but couldn't get it into words.

I wonder if people around the Op are in denial about the impact of the epilepsy on her DS.

ColourfulPony · 07/01/2020 09:34

My DD is 5 and still wears nappies at nighttime. She didn't potty train until the Easter before she started school so she was very close to 4 and she still had accidents at school until the following Easter (so a year after she'd been potty trained) no-one not school, not her Nursery she in before that, not even medical professionals told me I was a bad mother or told DD off for something she couldn't control. And that was with no medical issues.

You're doing brilliantly, please don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Do what you and your son need to get through this awful time. Even if he's still wearing nappies at 11 or 16 it's none of anyone elses business.

St0pTryingT0MakeFetchHappen · 07/01/2020 09:35

My neurotypical son with no health problems was in nappies until 3 months shy of his 4th birthday. You're being a responsive parent. Opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one. Flowers Ignore the judgy people if you can

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