3YO in nappy's

[Sweetpeach3]

Back story to it- my Ds is 4 in 5 months and he's still wearing nappy's frequently

I feel like the worlds crappiest mum as he should be out of them by now and people keep giving me digs about it

He is potty trained and goes the toilet etc he does it all himself unless he has a poo an he will shout me to just wipe over his bum- I think this is reasonable but some days he will ask me for a nappy

He's recently been diagnosed with epilepsy and were on 3 different medications atm going up and down to find what's right for him but the side effects are - shaking and loose stool (water trumps as we call them )
So when he asks for a nappy I don't say no because he knows he's having an off day

His dad keeps comparing him to his friends son who's the same age and it's really pissing me off as it isn't his fault but I feel like such a shit mum he can't hold his poo in like other kids etc. He will run his little legs so fast to try make the toilet an he just can't do it some times and it's embarrassing for him an he doesn't like it.

His school are great about it and my family etc are but I can't help sit here an cry about it an all the judgement I'm getting from his family and him!
Sometimes when he's having a bad day he can have upto 30 mini seizures, his hands shake so much he can't even feed himself. He's 3 I just wish I could be the one shitting my pants an havnt the seizures to take it all away from him to be normal 😢
I'm clearly more emotional about it right now as iv got an 8 day old haha but I'm just sick to fucking death of it. It's so easy to look at a kid an think why this why that because they "look" normal but you never actually know the truth! My little girl is 2 and she's so clever she can speak sign language. Her speech is so clear and her understanding of everything compared to my DS but you can't compare and they've told me to expect him have a delay in development and a decrease in behaviour. His dad clearly didn't listen at the hospital when he actually comes !

Please someone tell me their experiences in anythin like this or when your child's ill would you put a nappy on if it's the water trumps ?
X

Oh blimey, a 3yo with a medical condition which prevents him from being able to hold his stools long enough to get to the toilet every time? Nobody should be batting an eyelid about him still wearing nappies!

Oh bless him, I know exactly how you feel. My oldest is 6, and has recently been diagnosed with autism. He was basically forced out of nappies at 3yr 4 months when he started school and he just wasn't ready. He still doesn't use the toilet properly now, he hangs on until the last minute, still has accidents sometimes and frequently smells of wee.
All we had was comments of mine and husbands family 'oh you were dry by the time you were 18 months', 'you've left it too late', 'oh I don't know why he's doing this for attention it's not like you don't give him enough' amongst other things. It made me feel like shit. When he was diagnosed with autism I wanted to tell them where to shove their comments.
My other son was 4 in November and has been dry for a year, I could probably count on one hand the amount of accidents he has had.
You're little boy is still so little, and has epilepsy. You are not doing anything wrong. Remind your husband of this when he says anything. And anyone else who makes comments. You need supportive people around you not people who make you feel like crap. It must be scary enough seeing your little boy having seizures

Would training pants help? They look like normal pants to other kids but give protection if child has an accident.

My DD is 5 and still wears pull ups to bed and still has accidents regularly. We are in the process if getting a hospital referral because we believe she has dyspraxia. She can go to the toilet but for some reason in her head other things are more important and she holds it until she cant hold it any longer and wets herself.
OP as you yourself have said all children are different and we shouldn't compare and I say this to myself all the time but I still do it, I look at other children my DD's age that are being well behaved and dont have accidents, people tell me that they would be so worried and hounding the doctor if their child was still wearing pull ups for bed at 5, it does make you feel crap, but you are not crap, you are doing the absolute best for your little boy, if someone says anything just say he is 3 and has epilepsy, or put it back on them and say well what would you do in this situation?
In regards to his dad tell him he can compare all he likes but please keep your judgement to yourself because your son is having a hard enough time at the moment without your nasty comments and keep reassuring your son, let him know without a doubt you are on his side and that you think he is doing so well, he is such a big boy for handling everything so well and you are proud of him, keep reminding him of that.
Both you and your DS are coping really well with a very difficult time.

The nappies are really not important, he needs them. His father may be diverting his worries from the real issues in this litle boys life and focussing on the nappies. It is unlikely his friends are bringing up the subject, How would they know unless he told them. I would not be at all surprised if he is struggling to cope with the full picture. Do what you need to do. Ignore the rest

@Heartofglass12345 no one understands from the outside or until you live a situation like it. But should you mention your son having autism as they suspect he has it aswel but they won't investigate until his meds and seizures are under control as it could be them playing up. But dad said he doesn't want to label DS- it isn't a label it just to get an understanding then to get him the help he needs!l
Just a shit time atm as he literally had a seizure out of the blue then all of a sudden he was having 50+ a day and when he had his first I was out on my own with them both an he just hit the floor. Darling -dickhead partner kept ringing an texting me accusing me of being on the phone to a guy whilst this was happening I had left 5 mins ago an had 3 missed calls. He is such a mithering twat. I was sat in the middle of a road for an hour cradling him until an ambulance came. Someone had to run an get him as I physically couldn't unlock my phone for them to contact him for me an I couldn't speak due to being in hysterics. My Dd got took to the side by first aiders / pool staff and she was occupied and happy unaware what just happened) they was great as it happened on holiday)

It just happened within a week- then on week 2 we started meds' it was that quick. I was pregnant and had a toddler aswel as DS . It was ALOT to take in to say the least an he hasn't handled it very well. Doesn't listen in the appointments so asks me 101 questions when we leave when he should of asked them their cos some I don't have the answer to as I'm not the specialist!

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo iv tried the pull ups but as he thinks their just underpants he pile them abit hard wiggling his sexy bum into them an they always rip before they get up 😂 his nappy's don't look bulky if I'm honest as he does wear his underpants so he can still go the toilet an feel grown up an he can take the nappy's off himself just needs abit of help to get one back on if he wants it on x

His dad just hasn't been through what we have if that makes sense. He's the bravest boy I mean that

He had a lumber puncture and didn't even cry
He had 2 eegs an mri scan numerous blood tests an didn't bat an eye lid he is amazing x

I'd say that a 3/4 year old who is self-aware enough to ask when he thinks he may need a nappy is doing better than most. It's a shame there are people who can't understand his needs.

You can get fabric washable ones which are basically pants with a bit of padding. It might make DS feel more grown up...

You sound like a really good mother whonis very sensitive to her child's needs. And your son also sounds very mature because he is able to recognise and articulate when he feels he needs to wear a nappy.
You know your child and his needs . It's hard but try and ignore those who say you don't. Keep doing what you are doing

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo good idea. Going to google shop then now and get some ordered! And some iron on transfers so their like normal undies with his firemen on! X

The poor little lad - he has epilepsy! That's more than enough for him to deal with. 4 yo is fine for occasional nappy use in this instance. Tell your DH not to make DS feel bad or to compare him to other kids who aren't epileptic. He needs a break, and time. He'll get there- just make sure school are on board in case it takes a while to sort- maybe move on to nappy pants as they're a bit more grown up too.

It SO doesn't matter he's still so young. Most children this age are still learning to toilet (wipe properly, wash hands etc) and have accidents.

My son has JUST learned the recognise the feeling at 3.5.

I tried

• A big song and dance when he was on the toilet and did something (took forever)
• Sticker charts of his favourite characters Thomas/Peppa pig
• Chocolate buttons
• Making it into a competition between him and his brother (7) "who can do a wee first etc"
• Reminding him every 10-30 minutes.
• Getting annoyed when he had an accident.
• Getting emotional and crying when he had an accident.

He just did NOT get it and wasn't in the slightest bit bothered about wetting himself or pooing himself. We were both emotionally so fed up of the whole thing, so off he went to pre-school in a pull-up. He'd just turned 3. Sometimes he'd bend over and the pullup would stick out a bit and the parents would glare horrified daggers at me. Teachers were amazing, one said "I welcome each child exactly as they are" I thought that was lovely. They encouraged him loads, he watched other kids do it, but he still didn't crack it for another 6 months.

I think what helped him the most was instead of putting him on the toilet (with the kids toilet seat) I bought him a big kids potty (www.<a class="break-all" href="https://amazon.co.uk/Potty-Chair-Training-Removable-Ergonomic/dp/B00ZREU5IQ/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?encoding=UTF8&hsa_cr_id=2530830530802&ref=sb_s_sparkle_slot%29&aaxitk=aM2fKU6f5I3m331zHewa3Q&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-3788631-3yo-in-nappy-s" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">amazon.co.uk/Potty-Chair-Training-Removable-Ergonomic/dp/B00ZREU5IQ/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?encoding=UTF8&aaxitk=aM2fKU6f5I3m331zHewa3Q&hsa_cr_id=2530830530802&ref=sb_s_sparkle_slot) and just before Christmas he started going to it himself. That's 3.5 years old and just starting to use a potty and recognise the feeling. He's not had an accident since! I honestly thought we'd never get there but I have seen soooo many similar stories on here (ignoring all the "mine were dry by 15 months" you're not trying hard enough rubbish) and "They get a lightbulb moment and then that's it" and it's so true! It's second nature to him now.

Being in nappies at that age (mildly) unusual but from what OP says not her fault in any way at all, not even slightly.

You and your son sound AMAZING!

He knows what's going on, he knows when he needs to go - that is amazing. If he needs the nappies to assist with little accidents then that is absolutely fine!

And FYI - I know a number of ADULTS with things like IBS who wear adult nappies for this exact problem. Absolutely nothing wrong with it.