Hi, wasn't sure where to put this...
I think I know the answer is yes but really want some advice here. It's a bit of a long story but will try and keep it as short as possible.
DD changed schools in year 4 and made a good friend called M who at first DD was best friends with, me and my partner became pals with the parents and all was well. Then it all became very full on, wanting to spend every minute together...my DD was changing and found it too much and eventually over the years although they are still friends they are not close at all (v different kids). We are still friends with the parents.
In year 5 a girl joined, I'll call her R, DD and R have a lot in common and became very close. I became friends with R's mum and this friendship was very important to my DD (still is). M became very jealous of R and made life difficult for DD and R (I get it, it can't have been easy). All us mums are friends although R's mum insists she is not close to M's mum (not sure why she tells me this).
I tried to get R, M and DD together several times but the jealousy from M was too much. R's mum did the same and again M's jealousy was too much. R's mum said R doesn't get on with M at all but adores my DD. So we all agreed that R and DD would meet up away from M, not secretly...we all discussed this and was all honest, DD would also meet up with M away from R. R's mum still maintained R doesn't like M and won't be spending time with her.
So fast forward to year 7, R had to move schools but still is close enough to meet with DD so although DD was upset things still kind of worked, DD made some new friends. M rolled along and made new friends and occasionally M and DD got together but DD still close with R and they talk every day. I am still close to both parents. It was at this point my DD's confidence took a nose dive and really struggles in social situations.
Fast forward to year 8. M's parents told us they are moving M to R's school. R's mum not happy, maintaining they are not close and doesn't want M in Rs class. DD ok with it and will remain in her current school as doing v well.
So FF to now....M's parents had 2 separate drinks. We were asked to one and Rs parents (as well as some of our old friends) were asked to the second, I found out about this from R's mum who said she really wanted it to be one big drink together but said she thinks M's mum is jealous of my and her friendship. I was a bit annoyed by this too and agreed with R's mum.
So FF a few weeks we then had some drinks for a few parents. I invited both R and M's parents. R said she couldn't as they had tickets to an Xmas light show that day, M's mum said they would all love to and that M and DD can take the little ones to the park, lovely I thought. So DD texted R to say it's a shame she couldn't make it. R said that she was waiting for M to arrive as they were going out, my DD was really upset by this as she thought she was seeing M, when R asked M's mum that my DD was expecting M to be with her today all we heard was 'well that was never the intention' M ended up sleeping over at R's. DD ended up by herself. As we had a lot of our friends around I didn't feel It was right to ask where M was to M's mum but I was very angry about it...not sure how I held it in! It now turns out that R and M have seen each other a number of times without my DD. R and M's mum have not mentioned a thing to me. I still hear how they are not close from R's parents. DD is still v close to R and are always talking. She seems more like her old self, but can I risk her dropping her like hot bricks? R is the only one who seems to be honest, her mum nor M's mum doesn't seem to be.
My partner says to drop both of them and leave them to it. Thing is, that's not me. I want to talk this out and work out wtf is going on! What do I do? My DD still wants to meet with R especially.
Sorry about the long message! Any advice you could give would be great!